whatever_okay's Xanga

He's BACK!

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:57:52 GMT

After three weeks of nonstop screaming, my baby has returned. I'm so happy it was only (haha ONLY? What am I saying?) three weeks.

Keagan is back to smiling and playing quietly. And my reward for staying alive these last three weeks? He's turned into a cuddler!! I'm so happy. Before, he rarely let me hold him especially like a baby or for long periods of time. But now he's almost always in my lap cuddling up to me. He loves for me to rock him to sleep. So I'm enjoying this sudden change of attitude. But at the same time it's kind of hard to do ANYTHING with him hangin on me like he does. I folded the same load of laundry 4 times today. Everytime I got close to being done, he messed it all up. It was pretty frustrating.

That's about it. Don't have too much to say. Maybe pictures later.

Once Upon a time....I had a happy baby

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 20:40:12 GMT

But now that's gone out the window. I'm worn down after 3 hours of getting up. All he does is scream and cry. I play with him and he gets mad. I try to feed him and he throws his food. I give him his bottle and he throws that. I set him in the floor and he FINDS things to throw. Pulls things off of tables and shelves and lets loose. At this point I just go in my room and scream into my pillow. I have no idea what to do with him. He's rarely happy. I've tried to holding thing too. He pinches, slaps, kicks and bites. Since when did my lil angel go bad? It's like he woke up one morning and realized he had the ability to throw fits and is now making up for lost time. Because of this I normally don't have the energy to do anything but sleep when I have time off. Between trying to make him shut up and cleaning up the many messes he makes I don't have time to breathe.

Other than that I've been stressed with the people around me. Seems they have also taken a turn for the worse. Keep in mind that I have not changed a single thing about me or the way I'm raising Keagan. And suddenly I'm the worst mother to ever walk this earth. For example. I layed Keagan down for a nap. Gave him a bottle and shut the door just like always. But unlike always he did not start yellin "mama" when he woke up. Instead he chose to take off his diaper, a new found talent, and smear the contents all over his playpen and the wall it's against. I walk in and nearly pass out. My grandmother, who I call Meme, cleans houses for a living so I figure she has a good idea of how to get this out quickly and efficiently. I call her up and explain the situation and instead of a simple "here's how to fix it. Guess you'll have to put shorts on him from now on huh?" I got "Well if you weren't such a bad mother. I swear you forget you even HAVE a child. You don't feed him and you don't check on him when he sleeps. What were you thinking?" Okay. I feed him! I feed him when he will eat. It's not my fault that he's suddenly picky about when and what he eats. It's not my fault he's getting taller and looks like I did when I was a baby. It's not my fault, okay? I do what I can! And I've never had to check on Keagan because he's always hollered for me when he wakes up. I'm sorry I can't read his mind and stop him mid strip! I'm POSITIVE every baby does this AT LEAST once. I do not think that it makes me a bad mother. I think it just emphasizes the MOTHER part.

A magazine recently bashed teen mothers. That did not help at all. How dare they tell me I'm a bad person. As far as I can see if I were a bad person I would have had the baby and not taken care of it. Or maybe aborted it. If I were a bad person maybe I'd hit him because he won't SHUT UP. But I'm not. Also they called the babies "tragic outcomes." WHAT THE HELL?! How can they even TRY to defile such a beautiful thing? It's a new amazing little bundle of joy. Not a tragic outcome! I love my son. He is the most important thing to me. I put him above all including myself. I am not a bad person. He is not an abomination. And I don't care to hear such things. I'm seriously appalled that they even said it. You know who they DIDN'T bash? The fathers that LEAVE! Oh no, that's perfectly fine because that's what's expected! So they're okay people for doing what other people do but teen mothers are bad people because they step up to the responsibility? UGHGHGHHGH.

It has not been a good week. But I've got a few pictures that have collected. Guess that's a lot better than hearing me gripe.

Keagan, Meme, and David opening the birthday presents that David brought.

haha they look more excited than he does.

The shoes were a lil big but that's okay. Other stuff in the box was 2 outfits and 2 toys

Tryin to give Meme a bite of his cookie

Some pics of fireworks that I got....

That one's my favorite.

Had my phone

He was either just about to smile or just got done...

Actually givin me lovins during one of his good moments.. love his curls

Him doing what I call launching himself. He does this when he gets real excited.

Wow. Actually caught him smiling. He doesn't do it much any more.

haha I thought it was cute.

That's enough for now I guess....
-Alyssa-

Keagan's Birthday Pictures

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 15:27:41 GMT

Keagan and his Uncle Jacob swimming

Enjoying being outside

He loves being in the water

Playing with one of his birthday presents

Face first into the cake

Goin after it

Nana helpin him out

Yep. He got blue icing everywhere.

My lil pyro. haha. He wanted to touch it instead of blow it out

He had cake, cup cake, icecream and.... candle. Yeah we couldn't pry that outta his hands

The end result. You can't see but it's in his hair too.

I'm going to try out this video thing. Yep. Didn't work.

That's it then.
-Alyssa-

Happy birthday, Keagan

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:23:15 GMT

Happy birthday my lil man. You are one year old today. Momma loves you and can't believe how quickly this year went by.

It's about time!

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 19:56:34 GMT

Freakin xanga. It hasn't let me do ANYTHING. Until now.

I've read all ya'll's updates though.

So. Keagan is 3 days from being a whole year old. He's getting so big and soooo independent. He's not scared of anything. Even my threats to kill us both if he doesn't stop screaming at me. Don't get me wrong, I'd never hurt him but man, he's gotten into this stage where as soon as I say "no" he's screaming and throwing stuff. I just got a new camera and he's already put a few scratches into it from snatching it right out of my hands and throwing it against stuff. He's still adorably happy but at the same time he's trying to test just how much he can get away with.

He has 6 teeth. It's so cute to see them randomly placed in his mouth. He CAN walk it's just that he chooses not to. I know he can because he does it when you trick him into it. Like just letting go of his hands. I don't understand why he won't walk. Talking is coming along pretty slowly. He's really good with Mama, Nana, and dadda. The only weird one he says a lot is the words "Get it." I know why he says it... Mom and I would tell him to "get it" whatever it was. We've been saying it since he started recognizing things and wanting them. As a matter of fact that's how we got him to crawl. Anyways he recently added "Izzy" to his vocabulary. Izzy is our very tiny dog that he loves to hug but doesn't understand why he shouldn't. His eating habits kind of worry me. All he wants to eat is corndogs and mac and cheese. Surely this isn't a very good diet.... I can't get him to eat much else though. Tonight I'm making this cheesy chicken stuff so hopefully I'll get something healthy down him.

As for me, I am living in Oklahoma City. Things didn't work out in Texas and I just couldn't do it alone. I moved back in with my mom and so far it's going pretty well. I start college at OSU-OKC in the fall and at the end of my first semester I should be moving back to Texas. Not with Brandon though. Saddly the baby's daddy thing just didn't pan out. He couldn't take the responsibility or the fact that having a baby made me turn from "care free let's just do stuff on a whim" to "bitchy". Those were his exact words. Bitchy eh? You would be too if you were about to marry someone who refused to get a job, refused to watch the baby so YOU could get a job, you were scrambling all around just to put diapers on your baby's butt and food on the table and because of that you went several days without eating because your baby of course came first. Yeah. Try not being bitchy then.

'Nough rambling. Picture time

The dates on these are actually right

In his new highchair.

His top teeth

Black and white <3

Funny face. lol

Being a big boy in the Lazy-Boy

He had brain freeze after taking a bit bite of icecream

A lil blurry but there he is in the pool

This is better.

Playin in the sun

Last one. Gettin bigger but still my little man

That's it for now.
-Alyssa-

Long time no...write?

Mon, 26 May 2008 15:37:33 GMT

So, Keagan is dang near 11 months old. It seems utterly impossible for him to be this old this fast. Just one more month before he's a whole YEAR old. :( He's got three teeth now. He can bite like nothing else. He is growing up so fast and he's trying to be so independent already. Feeds himself for the most part and attempts to put on his clothes. He never actually gets them on but he insists on trying before letting you do it. He's not walking yet and I don't know if that's normal. When do kids start walking? A lil girl just a couple months older than him is already walking just fine and she has all her teeth. He crawls a lot but when you try to get him to walk he just sits back down. No words yet just the same ones: momma dada yay hey. And he's pretty aggressive. He hits and scratches and pulls hair a LOT. I don't know how to make him stop. If I retalitate in doing the same to him I don't want him to learn that that's okay either. And telling him no and stuff is really NOT working out. Any suggestions?

Brandon and I are not getting married, at least not any time in the near future as far as I can tell. I'm living at his dad's old house with him until I find another place to live. Cops had to come look at the house the other day and make sure it was clean enough. That was so scary. I mean we cleaned like we've never cleaned before but I wasn't sure it was good enough. I spazzed the entire night and even went as far as not being there when they inspected it. I had a friend be there to let them in in case they said no it wasn't good enough. Lucky for us it was approved with just a couple of things to do. That night I got my eyebrow pierced. Probably not the most classy thing to do but I think it's cute. I'm always worried about CPS now because of all this crap. I've made sure keagan has all the food he could want and has what he needs but I haven't worried about me having food. Apparently that is also bad and can be basis for someone to call in on us. Ugh. Texas is one of the most strict states when it comes to these things.

It's not all fun and rainbows here and it's pretty hard. I didn't expect it to be easy but sure as heck didn't think it'd be this hard being "on my own." I don't get much time on here so my updates will be few and far between.

Hope you all had a nice three day weekend.

-Alyssa-

Sick.....Again!

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 07:59:57 GMT

We came up here to missouri to visit mother. Caleb has strep and something else I'm not sure of and then I guess he gave it to Keagan who gave it to me. We're all coughing and have the runny nose, sneezing, throbbing headache scene going on. At first we thought Keagan just had allergies so we gave him a bit of children's benedryl. But then he started coughing and you can hear it all the way in his chest. Ick.

Luckily, I now have someone to look after me and Keagan both. Brandon has an amazing immune system and he's been catering to us both for the past few days. It's really nice but I'm scared I'm getting spoiled. The other night he ran me a hot bath and gave me a massage. Tended to my every need. It was really romantic too. He put a lamp in the bathroom but put a pillow case over it so it wouldn't be too bright and he played Colbie Caillat's album. Which is a recent favorite of mine. It was seriously one of the sweetest things that has ever happened.

Keagan has one tooth but it doesn't look like he's gonna be getting any more for a while. He seems so behind on these things. A lot of people told me that it's better this way. He's almost completely lost his apetite though. If he can't feed himself he just doesn't want to eat. Unfortunately, he can't grasp the concept of scooping things up with a spoon so that's out. Basically the only things he can eat is macaroni, pb and j sandwhiches, cheetos and animal crackers. NOT healthy! So tonight I got some pasta pickups to try to even things out. They're raviolis with stuff in them. Vegetables and such. But if you have any other suggestions that would be great because surely this isn't that healthy either. I feel so bad. I don't want to be one of those mothers that has a 400 pound 5 year old because they didn't know how to say no. But I don't want him to die of starvation either. Eeep.

That's it. Not much else is happening.

Sleeping. Doing this a lot lately from being sick

My sweet sleeping angel

Hair blowin in the wind. I thought it was funny.

Well it's 7:00 AM and we're going to be on the road in a couple of hours. I haven't slept all night so I'll try to do that now.

-Alyssa-

To finish up

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:44:21 GMT

The face he made when the feather tickled his nose

The face he made when my mom was laughing at him this cracks me up

He climbed up there. It was so funny. Oh and we're parked and just sitting and waiting for someone to hurry up and meet us. Not doing anything illegal or dangerous.

Getting down. lol

His first bubble bath.

Mohawk and beard. He was having a lot of fun.

Playin with 'em

Stickin his toungue out at me.

Okay that's all I've got for now.

More about me than much of anything else. Pics though

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 20:36:34 GMT

Hey guys,

Not too much going on here. Still in Missouri visiting my mom.

This trip has been so great. We're getting along so well and she's so happy for Brandon and me that she has helped with the wedding like nothing else. She got my ring, it'll be ready to be picked up from sizing tomorrow at four. She got my dress. Which will be ready to be picked up Saturday at one. She got Brandon's ring and tux he has both. She got herself a tux because I asked her to walk me down the isle as my dad wants nothing to do with me because apparently I'm a lying slut and I don't deserve his attention. And finally she got keagan's vest. We're gonna have to find the rest of his suit because he didn't fit the one we found.

We're going back to Texas on like the 28th or 29th. I'm chopping my hair off again so I'm scared/excited about that. The wedding date has changed from the 17th of June to the 21st.

I babysat the other day/night. That was a nightmare. The lil boy was 2 and a half months. His name was Bradyn. Keagan wanted to play with him more than anything but Keagan was huge compared to lil Bradyn and plus Keagan doesn't know how to play easy. So Keagan ended up screaming cuz he couldn't play with Bradyn. Which made Bradyn cry. This went on seriously all night. I got a lil bit of sleep between bouts but when one kid would wake up he'd wake up the other. I was going nuts. So I have decided I will not plan to have any more children until Keagan is in Kindergarten.

Bradyn in his make-shift crib. Actually sleeping

Other news. We have (had) mice really bad cuz we're out in the middle of no where. So we set mouse traps. I think we got rid of them all. Also, mom went to take Miley, our Yorkshire Terrior, out and when they walked off the porch a snake reared up and almost bit Miley. Mom was freakin out. The thing slithered into our screened in porch and she caught it with a chair then picked it up. She killed it soon after but not before bragging and getting pics made. This is my life.

Yep. My mother and the snake she caught.

Snapping at us

That's about it. I didn't sleep last night and my brain is in a coma. So is the rest of my body. But I'm definitely sure it was worth it. : )

Pics:

His new firetruck. Gosh he's getting big

Keagan and nemo

Keagan playing with a feather.

Okay guys my internet is screwing up so it's taking me 10 minutes to upload one picture so I'll finish this later.

-Alyssa-

Another first

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 03:45:30 GMT

Keagan cut his first tooth. Friday, Aprill 11, 2008. He FINALLY cut one. I didn't think it'd ever come through. But we were sitting in the living room and he did what only MY child could do. He completely fell over and hurt himself.... while he was already SITTING. Anyway apparently this helped the lil tooth push through but it also caused it to bleed. So he started bleeding out his mouth and when he felt it trickling down he tried to wipe it away thus causing his face to become covered in blood. It was pretty dang scary. I cleaned it all up and found the source. I was so happy for him. It's been trying and trying for 3 months now.

Not much else has happened. Visiting my mom in Missouri. New pics though. We got them done professionally for free so that was exciting.

Our first family picture.