back in actionnn.

christmas was good. got all the jazz i wanted. now i need to start putting in job applications cuz im about broke. i hate having to ask my parents for money.i seriously havent done that in like 2-3 years. im not even lying, babysitting every week really racked up. i start babysitting next week, but that wont give me enough money to fill my gas tank and still have plenty left over to go out and do shit.

i am SO excited to say i am FINISHED with honors english for the year. but i think im taking itnext year, which will probably suck, but im going to college so i need it. and chemistry is over too. im gunna miss some people in both of those classes. =( i always miss people. it happens every semester. it sucks but whatevvv.

once new years came, it really hit me that i really want a guy in my life.\because like new years is kind of a couples thing with kissing at midnight and stuff, and then valentines day is in like a month. valentines day always sucks, seriously. of course i like someone now, but i dont konw what his situation is, and all those excuses. but i dunno, i just get kind of lonely when i see my friends and other people really happy in their relationships, because as happy as i am that they have something amazing, i realize how bad i want that.

well this was pretty pointless, but ya know. shutup. =)

respect.

i always try to show a lot of respect to people, and i always try to be nice to them. but i never seem to get that treatment back. im done with people who have their head stuck so far up their own ass that they cant show respect for people who have always given it to them. i have lost a hell of a lot of respect for people in these past few days, weeks, months, whatever. im done with it.

so school is pretty gay. and when i say pretty gay, i really mean, horribly gay. i dunno, i guess its worse for me personally most days. people in this fucking school can suck it because they all suck. i hate to say it, but there are times i cant even stand to be around some of my friends, thats pretty bad. but i dont have time for peoples shit anymore, im keeping my mouth shut as i usually do, but damn is it hard this year.

im getting kind of upset. i was planning on going to the killers concert on the night of homecoming. and im worried that the tickets might be sold out    its really upsetting, because i was looking forward to it. so if the concert isnt a go ((which im trying not to plan on cuz i SOOO want to go)) i might go to homecoming ((or what i like to call, plan B)). its not a definite. im not sure who if my friends is going yet. and ill go if i have a date. at the moment, im not planning on getting asked. so i dunno. id say yes to one boyyyyyyy. but i dont think he'll ask me. so i wont get my hopes up. but i better start looking for a dress in case plan B is put into action. lmao that sounded great. i feel like im in a movie.

frightland is opening soon! i wanna go baddddddddd.. who wants to go with me? lol sike not. but im going. endofstory. its fun to go with boys . cuz then you have an excuse to hold their arms and act really scared. halloween is like my favorite holiday, i dont even know why. i might play in the powderpuff game. but i need a physical. haha. i suck. whatevvv.

but this weekend has been the absolute shit. thursday night was courtneys birthday. so she came over and we hung out a bit, then went to dinner at houlihan's with some of her friends. it was funnn. i love her friends, they crack me up. i like them better than my friends. haha shit, just kidding guys. then last night she had a sleepover. but before that, other people were over and we played Dirty Minds. aka best game ever. it was 2 guys vs. 5 girls. and to our surprise, the boys won. haha. its a game where you read clues that make you think of something really dirty, but its actually something really not dirty and the other team tries to guess it then blah blah. its great.

well that was a long enough entry.kbye.

thats my license plate! fuckyes.
its tight right? i just felt like putting it in here cuz its pretty hot. =)

so to be totally honest, school isnt as bad as i thought it would be, so far. i guess. my first day was awesome though. i loved seeing everyone, especially my boys that i didnt get to see/talk to much over the summer. =) especially this one boy. hahaaaaaaaa

but on a less lighter note, i feel like im growing apart from one of my best friends. it sucks bad. i feel like shes trying to push me out of her life anymore, and doesnt tell me huge things going on in her life until way after they happen. it makes me feel like shit, because then i feel like a bad friend when she doesnt even have the guts to call me up to tell me major things. what the hell am I doing wrong in the situation? why doesnt she consider me her best friend anymore? she hasnt exactly said that, but i know it. i just feel so unappreciated lately. i hate it. then again, i guess i dont really do anything to be praised or appreciated for. im such an awful person. i guess i should be thankful i have people in my life who want to listen to my situation, but it seems like there are few and few of them by the minute.

as bad as it may be, im the kind of person who keeps things inside. and that came to bite me in the ass a week or 2 ago. i was feeling like absolute dirt, about everything, and i was laying in my bed thinking and bawling my eyes out, about such random things that i was feeling, and i wrote them down. i wrote stuff that i didnt even think i had the guts to admit about myself. it sucked having to do that. but some of the things i wrote, a person might criticize or think i was crazy for even considering. but the next day, i felt a whole lot better. of course my problems didnt disappear, but they werent bottling up inside me anymore. but things dont change overnight, and neither will i or people in my life. i just hope things will be looking up for me soon.