****----BREAKING NEWS----****

I have just been informed that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' spawn has just been dubbed TomKitten Slate on my MSN homepage.

(This may not be breaking news to you, but it was relevant to my last post.)

Currently Gaming MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch By Jack of All Games see related

port·man·teau Pronunciation: pOrt-'man-(")tO Function: noun Etymology: Middle French portemanteau, from porter to carry + manteau mantle, from Latin mantellum -- more at PORT 1 : a large suitcase 2 : a word or morpheme whose form and meaning are derived from a blending of two or more distinct forms (as smog from smoke and fog)

Has something that you loved ever joined with something you absolutely abhor?  You don't know whether to root for the product of their union or not.  I am currently in such a situation.  I think I would say I love words--where they come from, how they are used (and not used), what they mean, how they are spelled, and on, and on.  I especially like new words.  But I really find objectionable our nation's obsession with all things celebrity--their kids, their clothes, their cars, their houses... .  So recently I've noticed new words related to celebrities.  It goes like this:  About two years ago, Ben Affleck started dating Jennifer Lopez.  So, Entertainment Tonight pretty much had the first 18 minutes of each program locked in for the next millenium.  The things they could tell about these two A-listers were endless, but they quickly tired of repeating "Ben and Jennifer" over and over, so she was re-christened Jen, which no one really calls her.  Ben and Jen rhymed too much, and if ET was going to get in that segment about Ben's new jeans, something would have to be edited down.  Thus, the creation of "Bennifer," a time-saving and (at the time) innovative moniker.  But it was their new name, and no one bothered with their separate names anymore.  It was even a part of his monologue on SNL last year.  It didn't (sadly) stop there.  We now find ourselves with a whole-new entertainment game:  combining the names of celebrity couples into one word.  In the last month, I have heard or seen the following on www.msn.com, my current homepage when I open Internet Explorer:

Tom Cruise + Katie Holmes = TomKat

Demi Moore + Ashton Kutcher = Dashmi (???)

Vince Vaughn + Jennifer Anniston = Vincifer  /  Vanniston (I've seen both)

Brad Pitt + Angelina Jolie = Brangelina

Ben Affleck + Jennifer Garner = Bennifer 2.0 / Bennifer II

In expressing myself through the blog, I think I've come to the conclusion that I cannot accept these new words into my lexicon, especially when they will be obselete by year's end.  In good humor, though, I've wondered what words may have appeared in the gossip sections of newspapers past.

Lucille Ball + Desi Arnas = Ducille / Lesi

George + Martha Washington = Gartha

Pierre + Marie Curie = Mierre

Sears + Roebuck = Rears / Roars / Soebuck

Queen Victoria + Prince Albert = Valbert

Romeo + Juliet = Julio (pronounced Jew-lio) / Ruliet

Abbott + Costello = Gabbott

Smith & Wesson = Smesson

Also, for intellectual integrity, I think the Dems should start printing their Billary posters and stickers for 2008.

Any other suggestion or modifications?

Currently Watching Seinfeld - The Complete Fourth Season By Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards see related

So today is the first day of the week that I've not put on sunscreen and kneepads and climbed up onto my house.

Since last Thursday, the "foreman" and I have gone up there every day, and since then I have appreciated more and more the value of a higher education, as well as relishing the thought that we're not doing to whole house, just portions over the kitchen, garage, and living room.  The thought of doing this every day for 40 years makes ditchdigger seem like heaven.

This picture is not of me (obviously), but is generously provided by Sears.  SEARS--the good life at a great price.

So, to those that are unaccustomed to putting a new roof on a house, (insider jargon:   RE-roofing), there are several steps, the complexity of which is compounded by an obsessive compulsive foreman.   First, you must remove the old roof.  Luckily, the previous owner of the house decided to skip this step twice sometime in the 1960s and 1980s, so I had the task of removing THREE sets of shingles (original, 60s, 80s).  The original shingles from the 1940s resembled nothing I had ever seen.  I guess after baking for 60 years, they sort of just morph into one big black asphalt clump.  I asked the foreman if it was normal for asphalt and rubber to do this.  "I think these probably have some asbestos in them, too," was his reply.  "So should we be wearing masks?" I wondered aloud.  Without looking up, he gave me a "Probably" and when back to hammering.  Great!  In addition to the heat stroke-inducing temperatures, backbreaking labor, and general dirtiness of the job, I now have microscopic flame-retardant fibers embedded deep within my chest, never to come out. 

Okay, so the shingles are off.  Now you have to repair holes in the wood with a thick, black plastic cement that smells like gasoline.  Because of the three layers of shingles, as well as numerous patches over the years, tv antennas, yada-yada-yada, there are hundreds of thousands of holes in the roof.  And the patching compound is so thick that you can't just put a dab here and there.  The smallest patch would be like the size of a Hershey's Kiss, so there were these black Hershey Kiss-shaped globs of gasoline cement on my roof that I have to dance around.

After that, you put paper and shingles down, which both get about 150 degrees in the sun, so you can't even pick them up for more than 3 seconds before the heat sensors in your hands tell your brain to drop or juggle it.  The rest of the house has a steeper-angled roof, so we're not going to be doing that part, but probably hiring someone else next year. 

Anyway, enough about roofing.  I'm glad I am going back to my old job on Monday.  I still have to find a job for the fall, though, so all that needs to get kicked into high gear.

I'm ready to go on vacation.  I love travel. 

Currently Watching WWE - The Ultimate Ric Flair Collection By Ric Flair see related

It's been a while since I've posted, and I'm not sure what to put up here.  I'm not yet in the mindset to remember funny things throughout the day so I can post them here at night.

I started teaching a few classes a day last week at my middle school.  The kids are so funny.  Apparently, they believe Mondays and Fridays should be used solely for watching movies because they bookend the weekend, and the students are either not yet ready to work or are ready to stop working.

Sixth period has decided to preface my last name with "Coach" instead of "Mister," and that's all right.  Fifth period has 18 kids on the roll, but I've never had more than 12 in there at once.  And it's right after lunch, so everybody's full and tired.  There's a rule about no candy or cokes until school's over, and I used to agree to that, but maybe the sugar and caffeine will get them into our study of federalism just a little bit more. 

The 1040s, W-2s, and 1098s from 2004 are calling to be calculated.  I'm gonna think over this whole blog thing and really put up some funny stuff later on.

I really love Ron Popeil, the informercial guy.  I think he's inspiring.

Currently Reading Go, Ricki By Chris Nickson see related

Ready, and Liftoff!  (What a corny intro.)

My wife showed me this site and all her blogs and links and e-this and i-that, and it looked sorta like fun, so I decided to join this fracas and throw a few lines up here.  That, and my therapists all decided it would be helpful for me  emote in a quasi-public forum.  No, it probably won't turn into a daily diary, but probably filled with sometimes rants, every-now-and-then raves, lists, observations, and Seinfeld-esque didjaevernotice and whatsthedealwith monologues.

This first post is dedicated to my 2 cats, one of whom can't remember that the big box of pulverized gravel and baking soda over in the closet is where he's supposed to go while the other won't wake up for much more than eating and going.  But they're like kids; the good times do out weigh the bad, even when the nicknames I've assigned to them in my head are useless and worthless.

I'm not really reading that book, but I try to find the funniest things and post them up there.  Hope it's funny to you.

I hate Renee Zellweger, too.