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| | Home Stretch :D Almost There. Friday, May 9th, 6 p.m. it finally happens! *does the happy dance* It's always funny the feeling you get before something like this. I've made plans, pretty long term ones in fact, for the next few years of my life, but it still seems surreal to talk about anything happening after Friday. I know life is gonna go on, but the past four years of it have been driving towards this moment. It feels completely different from graduating high school, nothing nearly as sad as that was. I haven't really come to know too many people here that I will have a chance to miss. It's not like any of them are going anywhere afterwards. Hell, only one of them is actually graduating with me. My job will still be around, and I have a purpose beyond waking up, doing homework, and taking tests. In fact, I'm looking forward to the fact that I'm going to have a whole month to do nothing but WORK! In a job, as real a job as any out there. I mean, people always talk about students not knowing what the real world is like, and I've always thought that it's bull. Some of us know, because the real world hits us smack in the face earlier than others. Let's face it, the real world isn't all about bills and heartache. It's about living your life not scheduled around going to class 5 days a week, and having responsibilities beyond homework. Some of us had that every year during summer break, albeit very briefly. Some of us did it for a year after high school, and during college. Which, granted, the school factor made it really something like a surreal life, maybe psuedo life is a better word. Regardless, It's there. I know one thing, June is gonna be a good month. All I have to worry about is work and bills. Sad that this makes me happy. Course, July marks the return of the dreaded class, but it's a retake and I still have every shred of homework I did this last time around. The only reason I made a D was because I missed a test and never got the chance to do a retake. Not really complaining, since I knew the consequences. Besides, it had been nearly 6 years and the previous nights activities were well worth missing the test over, no matter what they ended up causing *devilish grin*. Such a messed up year this has been. First ever D, losing some friends that it was, decidedly, time to get rid of, getting my heart broken (even if I don't really want to admit it to myself), and finding a job that I can actually enjoy and do well at (two "promotions" in the last month). The whole heart breaking thing was strange, and cast a funny light over the past few months. I mean, I knew it was coming, and I denied it to myself the whole time. It wasn't a new hurt, or unexpected. These things happen. Especially when you drive them to happen. I mean, what did I expect? "Open relationship" really seems to be a good way to get yourself hurt. Especially when you finally decide that it's okay to be in one just as the other party changes their minds about it. All confusing mess, and I don't regret it at all. Maybe the way it ended, but even that seems inevitable when I think about it. It's not like I talk to anyone else that's done this to me (or vice versa). Stupid really, cause I don't hate him like I do others (a certain womanizing junior we got kicked off campus is a prime example of the 'others' category), I just don't want him around. It hurts, and I can't tell him that. I tried, and it came out all garbled (even though I wrote it, which is my preferred medium over speaking) and sounding like I didn't care if he jumped off a cliff (his interpretation). That's not it, I just don't like being around things that hurt. I made that mistake with another ASMSer (and if you don't know that story by now then you either don't like me or are just reading random blogs, so go away!!), and I still feel a twinge anytime I think I might get to talk to him. It's better to make the cut clean and quick, less mess, more hurt feelings, no way to ever mend it. Just have to let it grow up over itself and move on. Thing is, it's hard to do that when the other involved party doesn't respect your wishes. They should make a spray or something for that: "Bad-break-up-Ex-that's-too-painful-to-be-around repellant." okay, so that doesn't have much of a ring to it, but ya never know. It might work. *nods* So, this is officially the longest post in the past two years I think. hah. I guess I felt talkative. Well, it's been fun, and, as is always my goal every year, I leave it with no regrets just lessons learned.Blessed Be my friends and loved ones,Jeremey | | | Posted 5/5/2008 3:15 AM - 2 comments
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