| pictureisathousandwords.blogspot.com
new address.
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| this is the endi'm going to stop using xanga as a blog. this is an attempt to stop wasting time on the computer as much...and hopefully result in more productive activities..what, i don't know just yet.
the only thing that will be continuing is my blogpost on facebook recording the 'book of the week'.
this page will stay up in order to read other people's pages XP
adieu.
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| today was ...midterm at 12
yesterday i talked a friend and she's like "don't feel so good about tomorrow"
and i asked "what the heck is tomorrow?"
and lo and behold, it's valentine's day...
i'm sure many single folk and now-single folk want to send st. valentine to the third circle of hell for the pressure and angst he's brought to our society on this fruity, fruity date.
but cmon! let's be glad for those of us who can be glad. and besides, when its your turn, i'm sure you'll see that love really is...
...all around.
happy valentine's, friends.
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| 'amazing grace' sung in a sing-song style is like...'in the secret' sung rock-style...it's just not meant to be.
it's exam time! yippee...and so it is officially hermit time for the next little while
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| 'seek to love first, then to be loved'
but what if i can't feel loved?
i find it so natural to keep people out of my life. so safe...so cold inside, but safe. so secure. and i have no problem loving others.
i have a problem with people loving me.
i can't deal with appreciation. i don't know how to accept praise apart from the social traditions--the bowed head, the slight smile that seems to convey humility mixed with a flash of pride, the look of 'no, no, i didn't deserve it'.
so many people scream silently 'love me! appreciate me!'. and do so much to prove their worth. and we criticize, and laugh and mock, saying they do so much - at what cost! these fools who base their own existance on the compliments of other men.
but in a way i envy that simple satisfaction. the smile from one you respect...that handshake...that "well done!"
it just doesn't hit home anymore. if i can't be satisfied in myself...what right do you have to be satisfied in me?
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