R.I.P.It's amazing how much things can change in such a sort amount of time. How your life can be turned completely upsidown and you don't even realize it...until you feel all the blood rushing to your head anyway. =/ I'll never forget the stench of that hospital. It reeked of sickness and death. It made me sick to my stomach to think my Grandpa was going to die there. Surrounded by all those stupid machines, steadily beeping, seemingly counting down the moments until his final breath. And then flatlining....laughing continually at the horror in front of it, perhaps maybe wanting to feel our pain deep, deep down inside, but was completely incapable of doing so. So after that drama passes, another arises...living life without him. (sorry if this is turning into an extremely emotastically "come-feel-my-pain-i-need-your-sympathy" rant. believe me, i'm getting enough annoying sympathy as is. i just need to vent to the nothingness that's considered my Xanga audience.=) So on to the funeral. Singing with my brother. In front of people? What have I become? Some kind of confident girl who misses her grandfather so much and just wants to do what he always wanted me to do? Well, yea. (minus the confident part.) My legs were shaking so bad I was suprised I was still standing. All those faces staring at me. How was I supposed to live with the embarassment when I messed this all up? And then it was over and I was walking off stage. It was fastest, second most horrible thing I'd ever had to endure, thats for sure. Haha =] But even though it's always hard to lose someone, I guess what it really boils down to is this...Death makes you cherish the time you have; makes you use it to the best of your ability. And thats exactly what I'm going to do. I won't miss a moment of this life...no matter how stupid, curel and injust it may be sometimes. And I'm going to do it for my Grandpa...and be everything single thing he ever wanted me to be. =] R.I.P. Robert Luecht You will be dearly, sorely painfully, desperately, and incredibly missed. | 
