|
| Yeah Yeah Yeah....I know, I havent written in a long ass time. Gomena!!! Anyhoo, There has been alot that has gone on since I last wrote here. Lets see....where to start, where to start, lets see:
well, my Job changed....again.....we are now doing 3 shifts of 12 on 12 off. 3days from 08-2000, then 3nights of 2000-08, then 3 days off. the 3 days off is cool, lets me stay with Tawaki for a few days at a time....which is cool. My Japanese is getting a shitload better because of her.....my Tattoo got a little bit more done, but i cant do anything with it for a while, I need to save up money so in January when I go to Tokyo, I can enjoy myself alittle bit more in Disneyland and drinking and exploring and all the things in life we like to call fun....next to murder, death, mayhem, maiming and destruction, of course. And for those of my friends who actually read this, Towaki is my girlfriend, who is really nice, wants to learn more english and is willing to teach a retard (me) Japanese. A bit older, granted, but it isnt that bad.....she is 25 untill January. so 6 and a half years. still.....we act the same age, kinda, we both like to have fun. just regular *Safe* fun. mostly safe.....lol....anyway, going to the gym alot, im am back up to 160 lbs now (69.5 kgs) and it is all muscle.....for those of you who remember how small i was, most of me has doubled in size. shoulders, chest, next, back. except my arms....they have always been big, now i just have to get the rest of my body proportioned. going to college again next semester, going to try and take 3 classes, College Algebra, Japanese I, and one of my Computer classes for my bachelors in Computer Networking. fun shit. Well, it looks like my shift at work is almost up, so i will leave you all to your lives, and i will write again soon.....maybe, depends on how much free time i get at work....sometimes alot, sometimes none. so have a wonderful day/night/afternoon.
-Hero | | |
| why is it that when you have strong emotions that are ready to burst out, you can never explain them? And when you try, you stumble over your own words, and start rambling on, and never completly stating what it is that you need to stay? All you know is that what you have in your heart needs to come out in a more productive way than say, crying, or anger, or depression. That is what is going on right now, and I dont really have anyone of a sort that I can relay my thoughts to on that personal of a basis. I mean, what the fuck is up with that? To those I posted on today, this is directed towards you. You are the ones that are causing the bubble of emotion to reach the surface, and you are the only ones that I can open up to enough about this and be heard, YET, I cant. Impossibilities are in my way, too many stipulations, threats, discontented emotions, disbelief of me, anger....
I dont know. why is it still, the only ones that I truly love I cant contact, cant relay my feelings too? God I hate my life, and myself....I wanna just curl up into a ball, have everyone forget me, and wither away like a rose.
heh...the story of my life...that of a rose....I have my moment, and then I die, only to be either 1: saved and pressed in a book only to be remembered on certain occasions and then being remembered as someone who was good for a time, and then tossed, once the beauty had died, or 2: thrown away once I died, and started to smell.
That sounds about right. So to all who read this and know what I am talking about, And some that dont know what I am talking about, and you know who) I love you all, and if I am not heard from by any of you for a while, dont worry, I will be living in this shell of a body that is withering away.
peace out
keep your faith
keep your dreams alive
dont die....like I have, dont give up your dreams, dont let anything, or anyone stop you from doing what you want, and getting what you deserve, which, ultimately, is happiness, you all deserve happiness. And if I could, I would take all of your hurt, pain, discontent, and everything in your life that causes you to cry, and place it on my shoulders so that you could achieve your happiness even sooner. you DESERVE it.
-josh | | |
| Far from being a material world, this is a psychic world, which allows us to make only indirect and hypothetical inferences about the real nature of matter. The psychic, alone has immediate reality, and this includes all forms of the psychic, even “unreal” ideas and thoughts which refer to nothing “external.” We may call them “imagination” or “delusion,” but that does not detract in any way from their effectiveness. Indeed there is no “real” thought that cannot, at times, be thrust aside by an “unreal” one, thus proving that the latter is stronger and more effective than the former. Greater than all physical dangers are the tremendous effects of delusional ideas, which are yet denied all reality by our world-blinded consciousness. Our much-vaunted reason and our boundlessly overestimated will are sometimes utterly powerless in the face of “unreal” thoughts. The world powers that rule over all mankind, for good or ill, are unconscious psychic factors, and it is they that bring consciousness into being and hence create the sine qua non for the existence of any world at all. We are steeped in a world that was created by our own psyche.
thats all for today, nothing spectacular going on in my life....or at least not that I can post.....
"Into the past-life I go, returning to all the things that fucked it up most...." -Me
-Josh | | |
| The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. Only I will still be standing. Only I, myself, as me, will be able to overcome all that I hate. Only I will be able to completely obliterate my fear. And in the end, I will be free. I will be alone. But I will be free. Being alone is one main cause for fear, Therefor, to overcome my fear, I must expose myself to my fears, to be able to look back and regret nothing, to see and to show that I am capable of anything, and no matter what pain I go through, I will, in the end, accept and overcome my greatest fears, and then never have to go through it again. The hardest thing for one person to do, is bare their soul, and show THEMSELVES what they really are and be able to accept what they see. Not necessarily LIKE what they see, just know that it is there and accept what they are, and knowing what they are, what they have, be able to have the mental fortitute to change what they dislike the most. And once that has been accoplished, you will then die knowing what it is, regreting what you have not done, or if you are smart, spend your whole life trying to become a better person, and die knowing you tried. Regretting nothing.
Nothing in life is to be feared. Only which is not reality must be feared. And those the live in a fantasy world, life in fear. To overcome those fears, we must understand our fears. So we must learn how to understand more and fear less. | | |
| The man who lives only by hope will die with despair. | | |
|
