a million things going on. it really hit me tonight, probably for the i dont know how many times it's been but it's been more than once, that i've just grown apart from a lot of people who i thought i'd be "friends forever" with. looking at pictures that i'm not in and such just makes me feel like i disappeared from the world. in that picture, in that moment, i'm not there because i've disappeared. and i feel like in the early few months in the past eight/nine months really changed me. i'm not the same linna i was a year ago. i'm not easily enraged (okay, at work at least because i'm not throwing shit when i get stressed) and i'm more forgiving. i'm a lot more forgiving. i've quietly forgiven people for some of the worst things in my life that i've witnessed. those things should have made me better-different. but there's still parts of me that is still bad-different. it's like i fall apart and break in pieces more. it's like i'm searching for a purpose to do good in the world. i feel like every little bad thing i come across bothers me. i don't know how to explain it any better. but i'm constantly trying to find out who i am. because i don't know anymore.
i hate people who say all this hype about something when their heart is not really into it. like, please, don't bullshit me to impress me or to seem cool. i HATE being passionate about something then some brat comes along and acts like their into it as much as i am when they aren't. i mean, it's "who cares" but it just irks me.
there was something i wanted to say about cancer. but i won't. i'll just say that i'm going to host another jamba fundraiser sometime soon for cancer research funding, and in honor of cancer survivors and victims. a "live strong day" even though the official live strong day passed. two months late. barnacles! :(
kinda stressed. kinda feeling pressured to take two courses for summer. but i think i'm just going to take one. it's a tonn of work. i seriously need to get mentally back in the game because the next couple quarters are going to be a ton more work than ever. so i think i'll continue to take my morning class with my coworker frances. wait for her to finish her second class - while i'm waiting, i can work out at 24hr fit across the street i think. i think my account still allows me to go to any 24fit but i'm not sure. i need to do well in my morning class & work out after.. i have a half marathon to attend in october. :]
i think if more people knew about what happened, things would be different. but in many ways. some good AND bad.
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