Ew. I'm stuck.
I've been eating just enough to get by tho, so it's no doubt that I've stopped losing.
It's time to go all out. I haven't done the whole counting calories thing in a long time, cause I usually lose weight without bothering with cals too much...But I think I'm gona start making sure I stay under 300 cals a day.
5 more pounds and I'll let myself start going tanning again, which I really want cause I'm blending in with the snow lately.
How've you girls been? <3

I'm so glad I've spent a majority of the weekend crying. But at least I haven't ate at all either.

Pretty sure that the whole "going on a break" deal with my boyfriend is getting ridiculous. Now he's saying if he doesn't know if it's worth it to try and work things out [I DONT KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE! AJ;ASDJSF]. Perfect timing for a "break" tho, cause  I'm pretty sure he likes another girl. Always good to know that you're not good enough.

All I can focus on now is starving. It's all I can control. And I've finally gotten below 125 [yeah, I know...i'm effing huge] which I could NEVER pass. Now it'll just keep going down.

Thinner please. Much, much, much thinner.

Yeah, so how I'd said my boyfriend hadn't talked to me in forever, when he finally did he said he wanted to go on a break. AWESOME.
That plus everything else going on kinda ended the whole me not wanting to drink thing...
5 sleeping pills, 8 diet pills, and 3 alieve swallowed with Bacardi.
The only good thing is I've stopped eating almost all together. And for some reason as usual, the drinking made the scale go down a few pounds? Whatever.

I got to my goal for last Friday. And then it was the weekend and I fucked it all up. Big suprise. What don't I fuck up?

Currently my boyfriend has just stopped talking to me. Neat. Pretty sure he doesn't care at all. What else is gonna screw me over this weekend? Bring it on life, let's see how much more we can hurt Liz.

I work everyday this week. Not sure if that's a good thing yet or not. Hopefully it just means i'll be busy with work & school & homework that I won't eat.

I want to cut so bad. Seriously. So ridiculously bad. I haven't in almost a year, and I don't want to ruin it, but I just want the pain. Either that or I want to drink, a lot...but that's empty calories so I don't want to do that either.

Whatever.

There is absolutely noway the scale is correct. It's not possible I've lost weight, my body shows it. I've gotten fatter. HUGE. But what else is new?

I had to have surgery the other day. They had to take tissue samples of my liver. There's something wrong with my liver, they just don't know what. 4 doctors later and they finally admit they're complete morons and don't know what's wrong, so they have to operate. It's alright tho, anesthisia is my new best friend. So is having to consume absolutely nothing 32 hours prior to the surgery. I went about 56 by choice tho.

I've got pics to prove that I've only gotten more ridiculously fat. By prepared to throw up. alot.

There is a disgusting amount of fat hanging on my bones and it needs to remove itself permantantly.

Sorry this was the first post in so long, I plan to start updating much more now that I have more time, so comment me & tell me how you've all been.