Mental Health Disparities

How come if I broke a leg, I would get more attention for it than for losing my sister? Not just one sister, but two. How come if I was diagnosed with cancer then I would be able to "Make a Wish" and go to Disney World but not if I was diagnosed with chronic depression, bipolar disorder, or any other debilitating mental illness? Just like cancer patients risk death, so do patients with severe mental illnesses that cause suicidal ideation. My friend who had cancer was in and out of the hospital a lot, but he didn't have to stay in inpatient care for weeks at a time. The longest he was in the hospital overnight was for four days at most. Yet, here I am, I spent over two weeks in a hospital because my illness made me feel so low that it led me to attempt suicide and my near-death experience was barely acknowledged. Not only did I spend over two weeks in a hospital, I have been making frequent visits to a doctor just like he did. I have to see my psychiatrist every week, except I have been seeing this doctor every week for over two years and more to come, yet my suffering is paid little attention.

I nearly cried when this friend of mine was telling me today about how our same teachers that we had in middle school brought him over $200 worth of stuff (giftcards, games, food) when he was diagnosed with cancer, plus a thick pile of get-well cards from all of our teachers. When my sister died in 7^th grade, none of these same teachers acknowledged it. No sorrys were said and no condolences were given. In 9^th grade, the year before my friend was diagnosed with cancer, my second sister died. Again, I was offered zero comfort or sympathy. I am deeply hurt by this. This upsetting revelation that I learned of today is what inspired me to write this lengthy piece.

My life has been severely impaired by my mental illness. I have suffered so much. I know what it feels like to hit rock bottom. I know how painful depression can be, and how alone it makes you feel. I know the suffocating restraints a mental illness can curse you with.

I speak on the behalf of all others suffering from a mental illness. The disparities are despicable. They are sickening. Society turns its backs on the mentally ill and opens its arms wide for the “poor,” “helpless” people who are physically ill. Aren’t we just as helpless? I don’t want to be restrained by my mental illness! It’s not my fault that God chose me to suffer! Does anybody hear me? Or is society deaf to the helpless pleas of the mentally ill? I don’t want to be this way, but it doesn’t matter what I want because the pain I feel is in my internal self. My scarred, torn, broken heart doesn’t seem to show like the surgery scars show on a physically ill patient and that is where the line is drawn, between the seen and unseen, the mentally ill and the physically ill. If you can’t see it, then society says it’s not there. My illness cannot be eye witnessed and because of this, disparities as despicably unjust as these will choose the mentally ill’s fate: whether or not large sums of money will be put forth for research regarding causes or treatments for mental illnesses, whether or not insurance companies will pay for psychotherapy or hospitalization in a psychward, whether or not laws will forgive the mentally ill for their disabilities, etc.

Because my illness is a battle against myself and no one else can see the war happening within my heart and my head, the blind eyes of society dismiss such an illness to be unworthy of love, attention, and care. I don’t want this! I need help! I can’t fight my inner demons alone; I need everything that a physically ill patient needs to get better! My heart won’t mend without stitches of love to help sew it back together. My mind won’t calm without the soothing words of a friend. My eyes will never see the sunshine without someone to help clear away the clouds. My problems will never cease without much needed support nor would a physically ill person’s.

A few months ago (February I believe) I wrote a letter to the Make a Wish foundation that grants physically ill children one wish, whether that be a trip to Disney World or a new bike, the foundation will follow through to give the child his/her wish. I suggested considering expanding their generous deeds to not only the physically ill, but the mentally ill too.

Make a Wish,

            First of all, I would like to say that I think this is a wonderful foundation that has brightened the lives of many ill children. A friend of mine was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease last year and went to Disney World to fulfill his wish. It brightened his life after months of darkness.

            I understand that this foundation is meant for children with medical illnesses that are life-threatening, but what about those with mental illnesses? Mental illnesses can be just as emotionally damaging and life-threatening as medical illnesses. Just like children diagnosed with a possibly fatal medical illness such as cancer, children diagnosed with a mental illness have no control over the onset of the illness. It is not a personality flaw, but a real illness that heavily impacts how the child functions. I have experienced that impact first hand.

            I have three sisters. Two died by suicide. My deceased sisters both had life-threatening mental illnesses that ended in tragedy. Their mental illnesses led to suicide. They felt a pain so intense, so deep, that they felt the need to take their own lives, but it wasn’t their lives that they wanted to end. It was the pain they wanted to end, and they saw no other way out. So my question is this: what is worse? An emotional pain so deep that it leads one to take their own life? Or a physical pain? Still, I do not know the answer.

            Currently I am 16 years old. I was 13 years old when my 15 year old sister took her life. She was severely depressed. I know that if she was given an opportunity to make a wish, her sadness would be set aside, and she would fulfill her wish with pure delight and happiness. She dreamed of traveling the world--to Spain, Italy, Germany, Peru, France, everywhere!

            When she was happy, it truly made me happy to see her enjoy life like every child should. To see her smile and laugh and to full heartedly enjoy life for that one moment was always a liberating experience. The hardest thing to do is to watch your loved one seem to fade away into a darkness and not know how to bring them back, but I think a wish granted would have that person enthralled in happiness. It could help lead them out of the darkness that engulfs them. Not only would such an experience be touching for the child, but it would significantly touch the lives of each and every one of the family members whom struggle to cope with the child’s illness.

            The impact of having a mentally ill child in the family causes a constant struggle. A day in Disney Land, a walk along the beaches of Hawaii, a meeting with a local celebrity, a new bike, could make a difference in the life of an innocent, mentally ill child. Such a wish could provide a child plagued by sadness with a pleasurable feeling so grandiose and big that it has been months, maybe even years, since the child has felt that feeling of sincere happiness.

            Again, I want to express my gratitude to the people that have helped make the wishes of ill children come true. I know being able to make a wish would be greatly appreciated and cherished by children suffering from mental illnesses like depression or bipolar disorder. It would take away their pain for the moment that they are experiencing their wish. It would give them a break from the life they constantly struggle with. It would give them hope.

            I hope that this message is taken into serious consideration because I know that this philanthropic foundation could make a difference in the lives of children suffering from a mental illness. So please, help lead these children away from the mental illnesses that they battle everyday into the right direction, and give them the wish that could change their lives.

Thank you!

With deepest regards,

withouidentity911

Here you can write a letter to the Make a Wish foundation too! http://www.wish.org/about/contact Click general inquiries. It might be even better if you both emailed and sent it through snailmail. Please write a letter! Help make a difference. We have to start small and build to make a difference, and this is a good place to start!

Atheism

October 23, 2007-- Atheists, humanists, nontheists, freethinkers, nonbelievers, disbelievers-- whatever you want to call it, we do not believe in a supreme being.

Recently there was an article in The Washington Post about Atheism. Atheists have been continually patronized for their beliefs, or lack thereof. We, atheists, have strong beliefs just like any other theist, but our belief is that there is no supreme being. It is still a belief and, in a way, still a religion. Religion is afterall, defined as one's personal beliefs or values that one lives by. We-- atheists, or humanists, are nonbelievers that still have faith. Because we do not believe in a supreme being does not mean that we have thrown away our morality and ethical principles. We are still human beings. We have hearts-- we feel, we hurt, we love, we desire, we appreciate, we care. Now, if I were to tell a believer that I was a nonbeliever, would I still be treated with the same level of respect?

It is shameful how Americans disrespect atheists. Nontheists have been deemed at the bottom of the social ladder, ranked below Muslims, gays, lesbians, minority groups, and recent immigrants. Over half of all Americans reported that they would not vote for an atheist president. Atheists should not be afraid to come out of the "other closet," but many are hesitant to reveal their true feelings about religion because of the detestability that society believes in. Religion has caused much controversy. People have gone to the extremes in following their religion. September 11, 2001, the evils of a few devout Muslims killed hundreds of people because it was their "faith". And religion is supposed to be good? Religion justifies this type of behavior? Of course it is evident that this behavior does not apply to the majority of theists, but the motives of religion have caused much upheaval, not just in the American society, but all around the world. The norm of some religions deem it acceptable to demean women, to degrade them, to abuse them. And again, religion is supposed to be a good thing? These religions make it the norm that the role of women is to rear their children and tend to their husband's needs, and still, atheists are ranked below the followers of these unjust religions. Humanists have been associated with "everything from criminal behavior to rampant materialism" (Salmon, Jacquelin L.. "In America, Nonbelievers Find Strength in Numbers." The Washington Post (2007): A14). Just because the bible says one thing does not make that one thing okay. If the bible said to jump off a bridge for the sake of Jesus, would you? The bible was supposedly written centuries ago, and since then the world has drastically changed. As the world has changed, the principles of the bible should change too. The principles that were established when the bible was written are outdated and it is time for an update! I think it is time to say that what the bible says should not be the principles by which one lives by.

And why may I ask-- why does God get all the credit when an individual succeeds? Wasn't the individual who achieved their goal the one who labored hard to reach it? God was not standing by that individual's side doing the work. It was the individual who did it, and the individual deserves to be credited.

I will always respect the religious beliefs of every individual as long as they respect my own beliefs. If I give respect, then I expect to receive respect.

I say, live your life as it is. Do not circumvent your life around what might come in the future or where you will end up when you die. Make the best of your present, of what is happening now because once your time is up, you may never get a second chance to live the life that you didn't live while you were alive because you tended to a religion that wasn't in existence. So let loose. Do not live in fear of where you will end up after death. You only have one life to live and it is a matter of now or never; it's your choice. 

THE DRUGS ARE WORKING!!!!!!!

My prescription drugs, that is...

THANK GOD FOR LITHIUM!

Pictures Revealed!

i love swinging!!! This picture was taken almost a year ago. Today I was swinging on that same swingset (I went with a few friends to play softball, but we couldn't resist the swings!) and some little litttle boy came up to me and asked if he could use the swing. Of course I couldn't say no! I told him to go ahead even though I wanted to keep on swinging. Hahaha but it was okay because once we left we came back an hour and a half later and the park was empty! We had the swings to ourselves. I never want to grow up!  I swear though, I NEVER go to the park just to swing. I really am a big kid.. I promise you.

I'm back! Right now I am feeling pretty good! I did get so low a little over a week ago that my mother asked me if I needed to be put in the hospital again. I was so low that out of the two years that I have been seeing my psychiatrist, I almost cried in front of him, which I have never done before.

Now I'm on Spring Break and I am supposed to be writing a paper on gun control. Since my severely depressed, mentally ill, and suicidal sister was able to purchase a gun that wound up killing her, of course I am arguing for the implementation of stricter gun laws. My sister had several suicide attempts and spent time in the mental hospital several different times yet, she still was able to legally purchase a gun because of loopholes in gun laws and inadequate background checks. My sister bought a rifle and in the state that I live in, "criminal background checks for rifles and shotguns are only required if the buyer goes to a federally-licensed gun store - all other long gun sales are not subject to the background check." And this partial background check requirement is what killed my sister. Well, indirectly it is what killed my sister.

I spent Easter with my mom and my one remaining sister. We went to go see a movie. They were walking ahead of me and I was behind them, and I was almost in tears. It wasn't right. My other two sisters were supposed to be there with us. After the movies we went to the memorial park. Again, there I had to hold back tears. I hadn't visited them since the internment, which was almost a year ago in April.

My birthday is also coming up. My 15 year old sister died almost exactly two weeks after my thirteenth birthday. My 25 year old sister died almost exactly two weeks before my fifteenth birthday. My birthday falls at a pretty crappy time of the year.

I am currently reading the Bible. It is a children's Bible, but it still has a lot of information. It is about 400 pages with pictures. It is really interesting! I honestly cannot believe that people still believe what the bible says. I tried to understand, but I just can't understand how it could be true. I don't believe that a gust of wind parted the Red Seas to allow Moses and the Israelites to flee Egypt. I asked a friend yesterday if she believed such things, and she said yes, figuratively she believed it. I didn't say anything more. I still yearn to have faith. Sometimes I want to believe that God is with me so badly, but I am such a logical person that my stubborn, logical thoughts conflict with any submissive thoughts that pass through my mind.

Oh! AND I want to join the Peace Corps. If I go to the community college near me, then I would join after getting my Associate's degree. OR I might go to a four year school and THEN join the Peace Corps, and THEN come back and get my master's degree. But the four year school I reallllly want to go to is private, and REALLY expensive! If I did join the Peace Corps, then I would want to serve in Africa. I always used to fear going to Africa if I ever had to because of disease and gross bugs, and the culture that is way different from American culture, but now I would love to experience it! The only disadvantage would be that I would learn a language that is rarely spoken in the United States, and therefore be somewhat useless. I would love to learn Spanish fluently, but I would so much rather serve in Africa then in South America.

Unofficially I have been with my boyfriend for about two months!

AND I want to get a dalmatian sooooo badly but I'll have to wait a LONG time to get it because I will have to finish college and have a house. Yeah, sooo.. I think that's it. This was really long.