| "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." - Sheryl
It's crazy how fast everything changes. Mom and I visited Mr. Pickett tonight, and we brought him brownies. He says he misses everyone. We sat down and talked for an hour, and it was just so weird to hear all his and Mrs. Pickett's stories. Because nothing feels that far away. I swear it was just last year that I idolized Mia Hamm, and that I'd go over to Kortney's afterschool. That Leeann would come over for ice cream.
They make me feel really young. They can recognize everything about this because they've been here before. It's just so strange - to see the different patterns in which people live. I don't think I really want a pattern, but I want that comfort. I want that constant.
It was weird to be making brownies again. It brought back all those warm fuzzies and old memories. I love our old yellow kitchen.
I miss so much - the smell of Emma's house, writing stories in the Reidville Historical House, drinking cocoa and playing dress up. I miss not knowing what it's like to be a teenager. I miss looking forward to that.
But I'm so excited. God, I'm terrified. There is so much ahead of us. So much ridiculous potential with what we could do with our lives. I don't want that to ever go away. I want to always be able to look forward to something changing - yet to still be able to hang on to what stays the same. Change makes me want to just hide - to pause things, to rewind things, to be able to fully be happy with what I have before it goes away.
Everything's different. |
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| Matt and Dad left yesterday morning for their New Hampshire/Vermont hiking trip.
Mom's leg surgery part two is two Wednesdays from now.
I don't know. Everything's weird. |
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| to keep me okay
to be strong
finding the warmest place i could
the bathtub, knees clutched to my chin
buried under blankets
caught in this delusional dream world
but not yet to the point where i want to leave |
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| 1. i don't think i would survive without samantha gail peters.
2. i didn't want to wake up from that dream. |
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| aestheticxxlies: *shrugs*
aestheticxxlies: either we win all or lose all.
aestheticxxlies: this time we lost all.
aestheticxxlies: i guess it was the wind.
aestheticxxlies: but that doesn't matter.
Laura talks about tennis.
I never thought I'd feel like leaving this place, but suddenly there's not as much holding me here.
I wake up, and everything feels so viciously normal. And then it's not. |
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