Sam (5/31/78-5/21/2005)

Rest in Peace

In some of my writing I have painted my brother to look like the victim of an awful disease. This is not the case. He was a strong, courageous, loving person who just so happened to have a terrible illness. He passed away on Saturday and my world is completely upside down. Sam is my best friend, my big brother, and a father figure to me.

He was the bravest person i've ever known. Never once in the two years since his cancer diagnoses has he said "why me?" never once did he sit and feel sorry for himself. Although the doctors told him that his type of brain tumor would take him in around 3 years, he never ever once believed them. He never gave up hope, even until his dying day. He taught me so much about strength of will, strength of character, and strength of heart.

If there are any dark times in my life, like there is now, I know that if i could just muster an ounce of the courage my brother had, i'll be able to get through anything.

There were almost 200 people at his wake, people telling stories of how he touched their lives: how he'd remembered and called to wish them 'happy anniversary' on the day after his brain surgery, how he taught Robert a lot about life during a 30 minute car ride to get his chemo, how he kept Michelle from killing herself when her son passed away.

My brother was a force of nature. In the first 24 years he lived his life however he wanted and did whatever he wanted. In the last 2 years of his life, he may not have been able to live exactly how he wanted, but he loved immensely, and the people he touched will have that forever. He was a punk rocker in the truest form, a wonderful tattoo artist, an extremely talented punk rock DJ. He was also a kind, loving, loyal friend who left his mark, not just on our skin, but in our hearts.

We buried him just like he'd have wanted. Clad in his combat boots and his Ramones shirt, with a tattoo machine in his hand. We played all his favorite bands, people brought posters to put up, we had pictures of the tattoos he'd done, banners of paintings his friends made of him with a little angel body looking down from a cloud, but still looking tough as hell with his mohawk, his boots, and all his ink.

I love my brother, Sam. I'm going to miss him forever, and I don't know if it'll get easier. If he's in heaven tattooing Jesus, i'll see him soon. And i'll bring a six pack.