So I have not updated in a while, but life has been kinda crazy and kind of busy. I'm just now finding the time to update because a lot is on my mind at the moment. I'm mean I am a senior, I have school work, i have a job, I have regular teenage drama and I have a life.

Anyway all that was pretty much not related to anything that I feel like saying. The Thanksgiving/Christmas season makes me sick and if any of you know me, you know that I hate Christmas music. I do not think that it is the music itself or the tunes its that it stands for the Christmas season which I do not like. You may think I am crazy, I mean who does not like opening gifts and stuffing their bellies? And do not get me wrong the celebration of Jesus is an awesome thing, but how much time during Christmas do we really even think about Jesus or about his gift to the world? Most of us would probably say about none. Christmas has turned into to some commercialized holiday that gives people on more excuse to go off of their diet.

During Thanksgiving and Christmas as I stuff my belly, spend time with family, and open gifts all I can think about is what about those people who have nothing. You see people always ask me what I want for Christmas and I never know because I do not NEED anything and it is so hard for me to keep getting things knowing that I do not need them when there are people everywhere, people I see all the time who have nothing. They need things that I have multiple of. I have atleast five winter coats and some people walk around with none. I have gloves for my hands and there are little kids this winter whose hands will be cold because their parents did not have enough money to buy them stuff. Try to eat Christmas dinner this year while you are thinking about all the kids in your town, in your country, and in other countries who are begging and starving for food.

The worst part is that most of us can stuff our tummies and open presents and not even care about the people who are going to suffer this year, and it does not even bother us. We will still leave the Christmas season unsatisfied because santa did not bring us the biggest toy or fill our stocking to the top. We will spend enough money on presents to give a child clean water for life. We will eat enough food and waste enough for three families to survive on and it will not even cross our minds. To me Christmas does not seem to be the giving season, it has turned into a selfish season where getting more and having what we want is all that we focus on. This is why I dislike it and what it now stands for. A holiday that represents love and giving has turned into a season of greed, debt, and selfishness...its sickening.

Currently Reading To Own a Dragon: Reflections On Growing Up Without A Father By Donald Miller, John MacMurray see related

It is so crazy and yet kind of scary that there are so many different religions out there. There are so many different ways that you can choose to believe. So many different people that you can choose to follow. So how do you know what is right? How do you know that you are not making a huge mistake with your beliefs?

Its a hard to think about because I think that what I believe is right and that Jesus is the only way to heaven, yet another religion believes that they have the way to eternity so who is right?

As I begin to think about all this stuff I ask myself, What other God listens and answers the cries of his people? What other God speaks into the hearts of his followers? What other God actually answers prayers and does miracles? What other God loves his people so much that he adopts them as his children? What other God sent his only son as a living sacrifice to show his love? What other God is so quick to forgive? What other God can you talk to when ever you need him and cry to him and he will always be there? What other God brings peace and assurance even in the tough times?

As I think about all these questions, I cannot think of one other God like the one I serve. I cant think of one other that is a father to his followers. I cannot think of one who cares so much about his children. So what would I have to loose believing in a Father who loves me so much and takes care of me so good? Say if in forty years I find out I believed something that was a little off, would I loose anything? No, by following Jesus there is nothing to loose, but a lot to gain. He has never let me down nor will he ever. It is so cool to be loved by a God who is never going to leave or fail me, even when I fail him. When I stumble and fall he is always going to pick me up and when I am too weak to walk he will carry me. I serve a pretty stinking awesome God. Following him does not make life perfect, but it sure does help knowing that there is always going to be someone there even when the going gets tough and it feels like my whole world is slipping through my fingers...

Many days, for many people, it seems as if there is no hope and that there is no way out of the storm. You know what I am talking about? It cannot just rain, it has to pour and you cannot see the way out. It seems as if you are stuck and that any hope that you thought you had has just slipped through your fingers and you continually slip farther and farther into a hole. Ever been there?

I was thinking about this the other day when I was listening to my grandpa talking on the phone to his daughter. His daughter is an alcoholic whose liver is failing and is in the hospital without any hope. She knows no real hope, she is without a real love or a real anything. All that she understands is alcohol and that it must be the way out or atleast the only way out that she has ever known. On top of that my grandpa is dealing with cancer in his bladder and prostate and he is preparing for a surgery. He tries to cover up the fact that he is scared, but I can see through it. I see it on his face everyday when I walk in the doors. He is in pain, he is scared, and now his daughter is dying.

As I listened to his conversation I wondered how I was suppose to tell him or anyone else for that matter that God had it under control. When he looks around all he sees is that life is getting worse very fast and that there is nothing he can do about it. How am I suppose to tell him that God's plan is perfect and his timing is perfect when sometimes the situations in life seem hopeless? I mean we have all been there when it seems like life is slipping through our fingers. We don't get it...or maybe you do somehow someway, but I don't. I do not get it even a little bit.

I do not get why bad things happen. I do not understand why after one bad thing happens a thousand more are following. I do not understand why God allows such things. All I know is he is a good God. I know that, but what about the people who don't? What about my grandpas daughter? If I went and told her right now that God is good she would laugh in my face. So I began to ask God how does he expect me to show others that he is good if I cant even explain to them that he is and how do I tell them that he is when some days I feel like there is no hope and like I cannot understand what is going on.

And I still do not understand it. All I know is that I cannot rely on my own understanding. I cannot try to figure it out because lets face it, i'm not all knowing. All I can see is what is in front of my face and I will never fully understand what God is doing. I just know that I have to let him have control of every situation because I cannot control it any more and I cannot keep trying to figure everything out. I do not understand things, but I know that God is good. I know that he loves me and he has assured me day after day that he is not going anywhere. No matter what happens, no matter what I do, and no matter if I understand it or not he is not leaving. He is going to be here to walk us through every situation even if the storm seems like its never going to let up. Daddy is not leaving....and the only way I know to show other people that is to let him have control and to trust him. Its the hardest thing to do and it doesn't happen over night but I know that God is good. I know he is...I know his love is never failing and I know he cares.

Now we just gotta get the head knowledge to sink in...God is good...may you know that. May you understand that he loves you unconditionally. May we learn not to rely on our own understandings of a situation and just let God have it. Its not going to happen over night...but start the journey with me.

  Yesterday was National Hug day so some of us stood outside our school and gave away free hugs. It was a great experience and it was very much needed for all of us. It really got us out of our little comfort zones and forced us to look totally stupid while offering people something that just might brighten their day.

I mean how many times a day do you get a hug? A real hug...not a sideways jacked up hug but a hug that makes you feel loved? Probably not very many right? So getting a free hug would make you feel better right? It would me. So thats what we did stood out there as hundreds of kids passed us wondering if we had totally gone crazy and others stopping for a hug. There is no better feeling than wrapping your arms around someone and seeing them walk away with a smile. Even if one person felt good after their hug it was totally worth it. And hey, if you can stand out in front of your school, in front of your peers, looking totally dumb then you can do anything right? It was a good learning experience and a great way to kick off the year getting out of our little bubbles. I loved it.

Maybe leading people to Jesus is more than just telling them everything they do wrong. Maybe its more than converting them to a religion. Maybe its more than rituals and Sunday morning services. Maybe...just maybe its taking the love of Jesus to the world. Maybe its being his hands and feet. Maybe its telling someone they are special. Maybe its smiling at someone. Maybe its telling someone you love them...or maybe its simply hugging someone who needs a hug. Jesus is all about love...not about religion or christianity...its about his love...thats what we have to be showing people. Find ways to show the love of Christ in your everyday life...

It turned out well. It was a little intimidating at first, but all went well. I learned a lot and loved every minute of it...

I'm not really sure what I am going to say in this post...I just feel like updating. I'm not sure I really have anything valuable to say today or for that matter anything worth saying. But here goes....

Right now I just feel like I wanna be in my daddy's arms...

Have you ever just wondered what it would be like to be held, I mean really held by Jesus? I mean how good would it feel to be able to cry in his arms? I'm not talking about like crying out to him...i'm talking about actually being able to feel him and see him and to be able to just cry... Who would be better to cry to? No one...he gets us. He understands every part of us. When no one else understands how we feel, he does. When everyone else seems to think we need to suck it up, he knows what we are going through.

Honestly...I have no idea where I am going with this...I just know where ever Jesus is I want to be there. How ever he wants to talk to me...I want to listen.

All I know is that I can place my whole life in the hands of Jesus and he is going to take care of it. I know in his presence I am safe...I know in his arms I can find rest. I know that I need him and that I have to trust him. I guess what I am saying is God is big. He is awesome...he is merciful...he cares...

You can trust him...you can find rest in him. Even when it seems like you want to give up on life, go to him and find a little more strength. Even though you cannot feel his physical touch...cry into daddys arms because he cares and know that one day you really will get to feel his touch. Know that you are loved and important. Know that your daddy loves you and has a plan for your life. Know that no matter what you have done or what you will do it will not change his love for you...nothing...nothing can or will separate you from his love.

May you find peace tonight...may you find rest in your fathers loving arms...may you run to him with your life and may you give all you are to seek his face...may you trust him and place everything in his hands...May you answer when he calls...may you allow him to rescue you because he so dearly loves you