I know this sounds awkward or weird, but I LOVE it when I'm shown exactly who I am - which is absolutely nothing. I don't love the fact that I have to be humbled - meaning on my own I am ONLY full of sin that deserves hell and eternal damnation - but I DO love the reminder that Christ has cleansed me from all of that. When I am to the point that I recognize how much of nothing I am and how much of EVERYTHING He is...it's a beautiful thing!
I went into the youth service tonight where there was a group from Freedom Village there [Freedom Village is a Christian home for troubled kids of all ages in upstate NY- and where I want to work, God willing, after the BI and NANC training!
]. ANYWAY...their testimonies are those of lives of complete destitution and hopelessness. Their lifestyles were leading straight to death and they didn't feel they could do anything about it. Then they came to Freedom Village and heard about this man named Jesus Christ who loved them and gave Himself up for them! Their lives were turned around and they are trying to follow Him with all their hearts.
Then in our college-age class tonight we were in Luke 7 talking about the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her hair and expensive ointment. She was FULL of sin - ones that anyone and everyone could see! What a wicked woman! What a valuable lesson Jesus teaches *as always* with the story of the debtors. He told the story to Simon, on his level, with his mind-set. The one debtor owed a LOT, the other didn't owe so much, but BOTH, no matter HOW much they owed, still owed. They would BOTH be in the same prison.
Many lessons can be taken from this - the one I'm addressing now: how foolish it is to get a big head about what I haven't done - because the cost of my sins done in secret, or ones that seem less than others, were just as painful to my loving Savior. When one becames arrogant and proud of what he has or hasn't done in the open where others can see and criticize, I think first of Matthew 5:28, which brings James 2:10 [For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it] or of Luke 18:9-14 which talks about the pharisee who prayed to himself [ridiculous] of how wonderful he was and how he's thankful he wasn't as bad as the others - all the while this particular taxcollector couldn't even raise his eyes to heaven, realizing what a sinner he was.
Just because my sins tend to be more of the mind than of action doesn't make them any less sin or any less worthy of death in hell for eternity - especially since I am not above and completely capable of making them action!
Oh, that I would have that heart and recognize all He's done for me. That I would remember ALL THE TIME I'm not even worthy to look up to Him without complete humility, knowing that all the good in me is from Him. This should also give me more of a heart for those who are living a lifestyle of sin because I should recognize that I am only not in their state by the grace of God!!
What a wonderful Father!
[I write about this more often than any other subject and sometimes the same things are repeated, but honestly, I don't care, a lot of times writing about it is what keeps it on my mind and heart more regularly. and I desperately desire to have a life of humililty!!]
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