wuwu zoolander

2 weeks ago, henry had a BBQ/poker party at his new apt. i squeezed in a photoshoot starring ME in between all the BBQ'ing. before i show you my sexy photo, let's see the sexy food photos first. hats off to our aluminum chef for cooking us such delicious food. going through these pics made me salivate like a rabid dog. *woof woof*

#1

#2 bacon wrapped asparagus, yummers. and i love the burnt rubber, smellin' pee afterwards.

#3

#4

#5 better than red lobster

#6 chicken lick'in good

#7 full frontal view of the BBQ

#8 we also had chicken wings, but i think i passed out after 1 beer so i didn't get any pics of that

and last but not least, my model photo...

photographer: jeff

stylist: gerk (thanks for the fabulous sunglasses)

hair & make-up: susan

photo editor: ME ( i only spent 5 hours on photoshop )

does this shot look strangely familiar?

that's right folks, it takes a whole team of people and hours on photoshop to make me look mildly sexy.

oops i did it again

boss: there's this social networking site for dogs, i think it's called dogster or something?

me: yea, it is called dogster, i signed up joey. this site has been around for awhile actually, when friendster first got popular.

female co-worker: how cool, i should sign up my dog

me: yea, you should, instead of being lame and signing up an account for your pet on myspace, you should just do it on dogster since it's for dogs

*boss says something that i don't recall and walks away*

male co-worker: you know [insert boss' name] made an account for his dog on myspace right? that's why he sounded offensive.

me: fuck

this just happened like 3 minutes ago! should i start looking for a new job?

EDIT: i went to the OC fair during my lunch break and got myself a "texas sized" turkey leg." look how big that is! that's what he said.

flower p0rn

i realized last night that i haven't posted any photos for 2 months. i decided i had to do a photo entry today. since over 90% of the photos i've taken in the past year has yet to be posted, i had lots to choose from. as i was perusing through my photos, there were certain flower photos that got me all hot and bothered. i'm not sure exactly what it is, but maybe it's the seductive shadows or the flirtatious curves. or maybe, it's just because i haven't gotten laid in ages or masturbated in over a month. since 99% of xangay is sexually frustrated *cough*chinkzilla*coughh*, i decided to share these sexy photos to help you guys on your way to masturbatory bliss.

enjoy! but view at your own risk, you might cream your panties.

#1 asian male flower

#2

#3

#4

#5

happy pimple day

asians age awesomely well

i got an email the other day from match.com informing me that someone had winked at me. i opened up the email, all sexcited and hoping that it's a hot korean guy or wentworth miller (prison break hottie). what sounds more manlier: wuwu miller or wentworth wu? wentworth wu ftw! besides, i'm the pitcher, it's only right that he inherits my fake last name.

when i saw the thumbnail in the email, my heart (and penis) sank fifty times lower than the titanic into the abyss of disappointment and flaccidity.

are you fucking kidding me? why is this grandpa winking at me? that's just plain nasty with a bag of vomit on top. does he really think that he has any chance whatsoever with a hot, strapping, oriental stud such as myself? does it say "looking for a grandpa to satisfy my white pubes, sagging nuts & diaper fetish" on my profile? wait, is he rich? let me look at his profile. it wouldn't be so repulsive if he's rich. blah, not rich, ewwww, grosssss. i'm so kidding by the way. according to his profile, he's only 35. well, ok, maybe he's not a grandpa, but he sure looks like one. shoot, my grandpa (r.i.p.), who passed away at the age of 98, looked younger than him. i can't really blame him though, white folks look their age or worse, while asians age very well. in his case, it's the latter.

let's take a look at this informative chart that i've prepared for you boys and girls.

the dude that winked at me from match.com is 35, but according to my chart, he looks about 55, which is very accurate. i'm 25, and according to the chart, i should look around 20 or so. again, right on the money. i love looking so damn youthful, but it's really annoying to still get carded for everything, even the freakin' lottery! but alas, being asian isn't perfect, but pretty close. while we age well, there is one day that we dread more than getting a B in calculas AP, the day we wake up and age 20 years overnight. please refer to age 65 on the asian line on the chart. this day usually occurs some time between the age of 65 - 75. this sucks major ass, but as least we stay looking younger than our age for 60+ years! i'd much rather have that than looking my age or worse my whole life. besides, when i do hit that dreadful day, i'll just have someone push me off the golden gate bridge, where i can rest peacefully with the homo fishies for all of eternity next to the motherland.

song of the day

brand new gym class heroes, featuring the dream. i really like it, very catchy. but the hook sounds EXACTLY like t-pain's "buy you a drink." do i smell a lawsuit?