HOLYSHT ITS BEEN LIKE FOREVER XANGA<3

you left me. 22405-40106-101806.

Don't let me down as I am not letting you down.
Keep your promises as well as I am keeping mine.
Keep your chin up high, believe and be strong.
Like I will do right now, just for you and I.

Remember us then as you remember us now.
Because fate will prevail and hope will not die.
As our love is still here, never to be gone..
One day it'll happen again, the fate of you and I.

-anna z.
for you and only you love...

suppose to love me and respect me from how i feel and what i say
you listen but you say you dont care, you dont respect it
everything has changed ever since then but some are still the same
you grew cold, disrespectful, but i only see a negative side of you
from what you do and what you say everday that will effect me
i tried, i have, but you keep pushing and i keep coming
but you are farther each time but leaving me blanks
not telling me anything i want to know, keep making me assume
that is not what you wanted but you make it
stop making these excuses and tell me everything
for i have promised ever since the day i will listen and would like to know
i know i have did you wrong in the past and i broke the promise
that i will always stay with you forever but look baby,
i am here, i am still here. i'm waiting for you no matter how much it hurts
no matter how much pain you are putting me through at this moment
i realized what i have lost when it was gone. i dont want to regret again
but you don't allow me. you keep me thinking. going crazy and fustrated
what do you want from me, you want your space, i tried giving it to you
but everyday you will do things that will keep me attatched. i loved you.
i know i was the jerk before but what you are doing now was more
of a jerk than i ever was to you. i told you im sorry so many times
i tried making it up to you all these months. proving how much i love you
i let you control me, have me fear you. staying with you. even if we are far apart
i would still love you. even if you are acting, i still love you. im sure you know
but what i dont know is ... our future. this isn't over yet. it isn't.
stop hurting me. stop. stop pretending. stop acting. stop doing things
you know i'll cry for. stop changing every little thing you know i'd be hurt from
stop pretending to disrespect me because it's not real.
where did the man i use to love go. where did he go? the one who will listen
who say he care and won't lie. i was once like this to you but i came back.
i learned to love you more than ever, i gave you my everything. you did too i know.
but why are you doing this to me. taunting what i dislike most. i fear you.
we met as strangers. far far away. we tried. we went through every obstacle
with friends and family cheering us on and on every time we have a problem
you cried with me when i cried. you comforted me when i was not well
i comforted you when you were down. i listened to you
i wrote you cards each month proving how much i loved you
we gave each other our vows and trust in order to keep this love alive
we gave each other your hearts to take care of.
we couldn't see each other each time but it's okay now.
i did you wrong, i left you, i left you in pain. it haunts you. it haunts me.
that was the time when everything changed. it was my fault. i didn't realize.
dumping 8 months of memories away after every hardship. i was selfish.
i didn't realize what i lost until the end. when you showed how much you loved me.
you came back to me.. you came back. after everything i've done.
i knew it was going to scar you. i tried then to prove you my love.
i tried to make it up. i really did. you said you understood me everytime.
you said everything's going to be okay. we had so many plans for the summer
but.. in the end. our everlasting story came to an end.
it made me realize what i've done. how selfish i was. my faults. i regret.
but yet you, yourself, seem to have been strong. you told me to believe.
in the word Fate. yet i keep questioning. why has it always been me?
you were also selfish. you chose space and family than to try to be with me.
i keep telling you over and over, i don't care if i am hurt. there is always no
real happiness in anything. do you understand. but you didn't. you left.
saying you don't care. just like how i left you once. but you didn't let me come back.
you left, you went with your own life. you keep going to that girls place.
i keep telling you how i felt yet you dont respect it. you don't listen or try to
do something to keep me to stop complaining. but you continue to hurt me.
whn you wanted me to be happy. why dont you fucking do it for once.
why do you keep doing shit i don't like. why do you keep going to that girl.
WHY ALL THE FUCKING TIME. WHY ARE YOU HIDING SHIT.
it's worse enough that we are so far away. the trust is lacking. why?
it was your own doing. you don't care to tell me. you don't care to explain.
do you know? i have 5 scars on my arm. do you know why? because of you.
i did it to myself. pretending to be you, damaging yourself for what you fucking did.
i pretended, you would wipe away all the shit you did like i did.
pretty stupid right. but do you know how much it hurts.
you don't stop. you don't. i cry miserably every now and then.
i pretend everything is okay when it's not.
you don't bother giving me positive shit. this is why i am negative.
if you want me to stop this nonsense, stop being a bitch..
then be who you were. be that understanding person. be the person i liked.
because that was you. im sure of it. don't give me fucking bullshit.
college is coming soon. i can get to see you. why don't you fucking give it a chance
why don't you try again. why are you picking the hard way?
i tried being the best. i tried. i tried everything. i guess i'm not the only selfish one.
i'm crying right now as i write this. i don't get it anymore. you changed.
why did you change. why are you being a fake. why are u lying. why don't u listen
why don't you care anymore. you hypocrite.. you liar..  you lied.
you said you'll stay. you'll care. you'll listen. yeah i said the same thing
i left. but i came back. and i proved. i used my chance. but.. you are not.
i had hope. i believed. until you shattered everything there was. you left.
you left 13 months of memories. did you ever realize it hurts even more?
do you realize every little thing. you don't care anymore. you're different.
but inside me. i still love you. because i know you are better.
even if you are a jerk and a bitch outside, inside, it never changed.
you tried too but not hard enough. you didn't. i know you didn't. i can see you.
i tried crawling back like you did. i let you in. but you won't.
baby, why? why now.. when we were almost there. why did you give up?
everything we did. why let it go to a waste? why did you waste the waiting?
why did your hope die? why did you let go of fate? or is everything fake..
every now and then.. i complain. i whine. i cry. i tell you how i feel
but you don't care. you don't say shit. you tell me to shut the fuck up.
i don't even want to continue school anymore. promises were all broken.
but whatever. you can't hear me. you don't feel the pain. you won't open anymore
you said you didn't wnt to change me. but guess what. you did.
because of your foolish doings. your words. your hate. you carelessness.
we had everything. we both tried. is this really our destiny? fools.
i keep thinking back how we use to be. won't be the same will it?
but thanks for everything. i never regretted you even if i am always hurt
we fell apart. we are even farther now don't you think. i tried talking.
i tried speaking. letting you know. you don't even ask about my life anymore.
i see all the negative things because you built that. i know you are trying.
please show it. show it. please do not say it was my fault to begin with anymore.
i tried. i was making it up. you didn't accept. i'm still trying.
but i stopped proving my love, because i can't do anymore.
i gave you my everything. all i ever wanted was to keep you.
i'm still waiting for that day to come. i know you are too. but you don't show.
all i ever wanted was your love back. the attention. the respect.
the ear to listen. the voice for me to hear. to be comforted.
all i ever wanted was someone like you. to love me for who i am.
everything is changing from time to time..
but in the end.. there's one thing that will never change.
we still love each other deeply.
you taught me love.


this is our love story.

I never opened up from the start. What makes you think I will now? We are all hide-rs in our life. Hiding from the truth, not admiting things. Hiding away from the darkness and shadows with a simple smile. Running away from all our fears and tears with a blinded happiness to the outer world. It won't solve anything if we keep running away.. far away. Once it's too far, it takes a longer time for you to find it. Don't be afraid to do what you want.. to be who you are, to show the world what kind of person you are or what you want to do. If they can't accept it, don't bother. It's not your fault or problem, but theirs. Don't take in all the blame and dump it into your own deep hole. Once it fills, you cannot add. Once you add, it will become a bigger hole.. making a deeper one inside of you. Where you, yourself.. cannot seem to reach.. causing pain and sorrow that you'll never intend to remember, but leaving a scar inside of you, which you'll never see or know again, feeling as if it never happened.. once blinded by a fake happiness you've developed. from lies, truths, words, everything.

Life, mine was blinded by severe happiness. Threw away all the pain and suffers.. but it ended up being in that big hole, that seems to get bigger everytime i hide to go to the happiness i don't intend to want. Happiness.. is causing me more pain. I have been blinded by it.. I can't seem to reach my inner self nor find my inner self until i finally understand the meaning or life and the meaning of everything that i wonder. I need time to reach into myself. Time.. alone. Loneliness, i use to have. I want that back but I can't because I am who i am and what i have now is what i have. Letting it come naturally. It's quite bit odd because everyone wants happiness yet.. I don't. It's even causing me more pain. No one knows but those who have experienced it. There is more to this but ... I don't remember anything. I have been blinded. But i will not hide but seek... with time. I'm not afraid. Sometimes what we want.. may not lead us to a better place or make us satisfied. I feel like.. I've grown up. as in.. more grown up than i was years ago. but theres more to see out there than what i know now... much more.