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i hate myself. i really do. i went shopping yesterday with my brother's girlfriend who a freaking stick. shes tall and skinny...just what i want to be and we are trying on clothes in the dressing room. she's flawless and when i look at myself in the mirror i want to cry..i could have too. i hate myself. i dont weight that much..i know...but im still fat and ugly...i need to be like 90 to look like she does at 105. i hate being at my dads im always out with my brothers friends who eat nothing but pizza and junk. even when i stay home there's junk everywhere. my dad buys me cookies and cereal and icecream and expects me to eat it. i hear the icecream truck outside as im writing this...why does everyone want me to be like this?  in:a fucking oreo. out:200 situps.ab out work.mile run.let workup. |
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| b-day =] today im 15 wo0ot. but that sucks because it means im forced to eat cake and icecream. blahhhhh. but i fasted yesterday and plan to fast tomorrow for a week...hopefully. i ony have a month to loose it all. i want go back home and everyone notice how much i lost. i dont care if they call me names or get worried..i'll only be there for a visit anyways. i want the guys who screwed me over to wish they never did. i want them to talk about moi. lmao it sounds funny when i read it. but yeaaaa. my dads coming today and my grandma. which sould be fun. kinda sorta. and tomorrow i go to a fair with our neighbors. BUT I MUST RESIST THE FAIR FOOD TEMPTATION or FFT!!!! if i dont i will hate myself for life..=] intake so far: b: none l: small cup of rice and chicken soup [300ish??] some of a fruit salad [150ish] s: gum. gum. gum. some rasberrys [went picking with my sister] e: walking up hill picking rasberrys for an hour 200 crunches chewing gum?? lmao 100 squats thinspppoo 
bahsdgWYHFbhjeqfbasnhdvcbwhy2T37<3 |
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| what food is to one..is to others bitter poison    day 3  100lbs yesterday was alright...what i eat threw up....so i shouldn't have gotten a lot of calories. i'm kinda stressed out because i was talking to a kid that i really liked before i left for summer and i gave up sooo much to be with him..but i found out he is going out with another girl..his ex ex..who just happens to hate me [shes a friggen stick too] their myspaces are full of "i love you baby"s "had fun last night ;]"s & "i miss you"s. blahhh boys suck. ANYWAYSSS i plan on only drinking diet coke today. wish me luck && this new found stress will help motivate me :]
thinspo:
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] && i tottaly going running tomorrow. blah i miss my friends. *pouts* but this town is full of cute boys && great stores. i'll make a pro and con list later. btw the b-day is the 18th. 
