Weblog

Sunday, July 06, 2008

  • spoiled

    is it true that spoiled girls are never satisfied?

    i wish i was never spoiled. cause now whenever i have one thing, i just wana ask for more.

    it's happening again. i can feel it.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

  • school sucksssss

    seems like everyone has been complaining about school lately. but i have to agree cause SCHOOL SUCKS!! especially if it's in waterloo during summer!! ugggh. i hate my damn program. i am ALWAYS behind. so many cs and math assignments take up like ALL my time. so im REALLY behind in my readings n' everything. when i say "behind", i mean i have to start opening up my law textbook and read 11 chapters and learn all the material for my midterm next friday. and on the other hand, i have cs midterm on thurs (the course i hate the mosttt), and math + stats assignment all due next week. not to mention i just pulled an all nighter at the MC lab to finish up my cs assignment. stayed there for frigging 18 hrs straight infront of the computer. i culd barely see or think clearly anymore by like 4AM. but i had to finish it cuz it was worth 6% (i need every % i can get). n' when im finally done by like 3pm the next day, they friggin tell us there's an extension when the deadline was supposed to be at 5pm. soo friggin gayy! last week was pretty much the same thing, 2 midterms n' 1 assignment all crammed in 2 days. n' the result? me failing finance, not finishing my assignment, n' gettin a shitty mark in stats. i couldn't stand my program anymore, so i finally decided to find out how to switch to afm. n' when i finally made up my mind to switch out, i found out i cant switch into afm anymore! apparently u have to switch before 2nd year, n' it has to be done in feb, which passed this year already. there's no way im gona stay behind an extra yr n' pay another friggin $10000+ for tuition! now i cant wait till finals, n' i heard the exam schedule is messsssed up.

    enough ramblings about school. im turning 20 soon. i feel old.. and also the future is gona start to bother me..again. ahhhh. ok. dun wana think about it for now. i have enuff things to stress about. ughh. time to go to dc and study. hopefully there won't be as many "distractions" this time. LOL .

Sunday, May 11, 2008

  • lovely weekend : )

    "when you talk to me
    I swear the whole world stops
    You're my sweetheart and
    I'm so glad that you're mine
    You are one of a kind, and
    You mean to me what I mean to you
    And together baby there is nothing we won't do

    ......

    With every kiss and every hug
    You make me fall in love
    And now I know I can't be the only one
    I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
    With the love of their life who feel
    What I feel when I'm with you"

    ------

    i had a sweet sweet weekend with baby. it was our very first weekend together at loo, and hopefully many more to come. =) even though we didn't really do much, or go anywhere exciting, but simply being in his arms put a smile on my face every second that i was with him. =)

    i love his hugs; his kisses; his sillyness; his clumsiness; and even his gayness! lol.
    i love everything about him.

    i am so in love with him.
    i know, even my mushiness makes myself sick. lol.
    but it's at the stage of the relationship where everything is so perfect.
    so before anything starts to change, i wana treasure all of these moments.
    i am slowly wanting to believe in forever again. ♥

    ------------

    on the other hand, i need to focus on school!!
    this term is gona be sooo tough. =/ and i hate the midterm exam schedule. =( 
    it's soo close to both my bf and my bday! boooo. 
    must + oil & maintain 80+ avg!!

    at least i finally got my work report out of the way. =)

    job posting starts next week!! i want a good job next term!! 

Friday, April 18, 2008

  • uncertainties

    career . friends . boyfriend . family

    things are starting to bother me again.
    i refuse to think about the future, but i can't escape from it.
    i wish i knew what i want to do.
    i wish i had a goal.
    i wish reality was more of what i hoped for.
    i can't help but to dig out the flaws of every aspect of my life.
    and it seems like these flaws are building up again.
    so much uncertainty and insecurity.
    i feel so distant from everyone, even from the ones i was once close with.
    and sometimes i wonder if we're from two different worlds.
    if only i can start all over again...
    i wanna do it right this time.

    maybe it's a good idea that i'll be away from all these for a week.
    i need time to gather up my thoughts, and perhaps, start to accept the reality.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

  • random update

    I haven't had free time during work for a while. past few weeks were sooo busy mainly because I was stuck on some issues that took forever to fix, but in the end, I still figured it out. =) (Let's just ignore the fact that it caused almost a month of delay in my original deadline ><) Time really flies though; less than a month of work left then it's back to school again. I have to admit I learned a heck lot of programming stuffs during this work term, but I never wana get a web development job again cause it's super annoying! I'm still not sure if I even want a programming job in general, but it seems like that's the direction I'm heading towards. I want to try out some business jobs though. Might consider going to Bloomberg with the rest of the CFM crew next term (if I get it); if not, I just want a government job cause it's so slack. Yeaaa.. I'm not excatly the high-achiever I used to be anymore.

    Yesterday was me and baby's one month. Usually I'd be extremely excited and I'd expect alot, but it feels like I have passed that phase already. However, he did give me a surprise visit yesterday and bought me a rose. I was indeed more than happy to see him, although we didn't get to spend much time together since I had work. =( I feel that my perspective on relationships has changed alot. I can't excatly tell what it is, but I guess I just expect less. Lower expectations = less disappointments right? I don't think it's cause I care less, but maybe I'm just not loving as "blindly" as I used to. And I've also put aside the future for now, and try to focus on the present. I am happy with him now, and that's all it should matter, for now anyways. I'm grateful for his genuine love, constant support, and all the effort he puts in in our relationship. Although one month is not a very long time, I am hoping that our feelings can continue to grow into something deeper and stronger. <3

    With that said, I actually have something to look forward to going back to school now! Next term is going be a tough one since I heard alot of the courses are very hard. But I know I will make it through, especially with him by my side. =) Plus, residence = more chance to see and spend time with baby. ^__^ ..and both of our birthdays are also coming up this summer! I can't wait! =D

    "When I’m with you I'll make every second count
    Cause I miss you
    Whenever you're not around
    When I kiss you
    I still get butterflies years from now
    I'll make every second count when I'm with you"