Wow its been awhile. Just haven’t felt up to writing I guess..too much stuff has been going on anyway.  Some good, some  bad but I have mostly good people in my life to get through some of the worst crap.  Well my brother left for the marines, kinda weird I sometimes half expect him to walk up the stairs with his goofy haircut and stupid little smirk he always has lol.  He cracks me up, but not having him here is really hard sometimes, especially when im alone at night and just have time to think about it.  My moms taking it pretty hard too, I think it hit her after he left though, I however bawled like a baby while he left..i think that’s the hardest I’ve cried in a long time.  I think something may have snapped in me that day, like either I grew up a little or maybe I just learned to appreciate time and people more.  But its not really something anyone can help me with, I’ve gotta learn to deal somehow by myself it’s a part of growing up.  People leave home, and then all of the sudden you see them randomly, or only at holidays, then it’s a postcard from god knows where, and then maybe a call or two once or twice a year.  All part of the growing process, I can’t wait to leave home though, I know it’ll be hard on my mom though that’ll be my only regret.

*Nick heres a “save point” just for you*

 Lonnie keeps trying to get me to think about going into the Navy, now the only thing I have to say about that is that I refuse.  Not because I don’t want to serve my country, I have no problem with that, it’s the fact that I would never make it and that if im gonna die I would rather die by a car killing me rather than being shot by some terrorist guy picking me off like target practice.  I dunno, leaving is both scary to me but also refreshing.  I still have a year before I leave the “nest” though so I still have a little more time to grow up.  Lonnie thinks theres some aspects of life I don’t understand, but I don’t think that it’s the aspects of life I think you have to go through certain stuff to really understand it and fully grasp it, in fact I really don’t think I’ve lead much of a life.  I’ve got my certain group of friends, and I don’t really go out of my way to meet new people or do crazy things probably because I usually think before I do something..usually..i don’t feel much like a kid though.  I don’t really think its supposed to be that way, I feel more like..well I don’t know I just don’t feel like a kid.  Sometimes I just wanna revert back to when I was like 5 and felt like nothing bad would ever happen to me, life is so much more complicated now but I guess the older your get the more complicated and twisted life becomes.  But anyways, im just trying to make the most of my days, despite the drama bubble formed around me im pretty happy right now.  I just got back from Ravenna’s movie night which I must admit I had a pretty good time, good laughs, good people, it was a good night.  Hoping there will be more to come.  I found out my grandfather has a cancerous tumor I his side, so he’ll be in my thoughts I hope hes okay we’ll have to see.  Well im off to write my brother a humungous letter that will take him 5 days to finish, im exaggerating but still.