Movie/TV

The Notebook:

-"What happens If a car comes?"
-"We die."

-"My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter any more, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah"

-"Wherever she is, that's where my home is."

-"How's it hangin' Harry?"
-"I keep trying to die, but they won't let me."
-"Well, you can't have everything."

-"Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing."

-"Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone."

Anchorman

-"You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair."

-"It smells like a turd covered in burnt hair!"

-"You've got a dirty whorish mouth."

-"I'm in a glass case of emotion!"

Hitch

-"Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away."

-"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

-"Relationships are for people who are waiting for something better to come along."

-"I want to jump in front of every cab I see, because maybe then I'll stop thinking about her."

-"You know what it's like getting up every morning? Feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man. But, at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you."

Madagascar

-"The penguins are going, so why can't I?"
-"Marty, the penguins are psychotic."

-"I'm ten years old and I don't even know if I'm black with white stripes or black with white stripes!"

-"They are kind of cute from a reasonable distance."

-"Come on now, baby. My little filet. My little filet mignon with a little fat around the edges. I like that. I like a little fat on my steak. My sweet, juicy steak. You are a rare delicacy."

Reno 911

-"I actually wanted to be in the FBI for about 20 minutes after I saw that movie with Jodie Foster and that guy who eats people in his basement, but I was really stoned at the time. And to be honest with you, for about 20 minutes, I also thought about making a dress out of people's skin. "

-"Getting two tickets to an execution is like getting two tickets to NASCAR, except you *know* Jeff Gordon's gonna die."

-"Now, I don't care if you wear mini-skirts. I don't care if you wear Dungarees. I don't care if you're good at basketball, I don't care if you're fun to be around. But you can rest assured that every one of you, at some point, is going to be raped."

-"White people are crazy."

-"Hey, get out of that freezer, sir. That's for dead people, not living idiots."

-"There's was this guy at the store with this flamethrower, and he like grabbed this lady's baby and he's like, "Oh, I'm gonna kill this baby!" It was so sad, I was like crying..."

-"A healthy baby is worth $10-20,000 on the internet, even if it's Chinese."

-You can't have a dog near pancakes That's not safe.

-I think that rules were made to be broken and I think that everybody should have sex with as many people as they possibly can. You only go around once in this life, and as long as everybody takes a shower, I don't know what the big deal is.

-I don't know why everyone around here gets a boner every time the FBI comes in. All they do is wear suits and handle the fluids of dead people. That's not sexy to me.

-I have real dark skin. My mom was real light-skinned; she was an Irish girl. I have real dark skin because I was apparently - so they say - my mother was raped by an American Indian.

-My mom started collecting Beanie Babies about four years after she died.

-This here, actually, is my plot... obviously, there's nobody in it yet, but God willing, there will be.

-Party's over! Gay cop says party's over!

-There's basically two forms of Muslims. There's the black Muslims and the regular Muslims. Now, the difference between them is that the black Muslims want to kill all the white people and the other Muslims want to kill everybody else.

-I'm in five gangs now. I started two. I started the Kitties and the Grape Slushies.

-I don't mean any disrespect, but fuck firemen!

-Everybody loves a cripple.

 

10 Things I Hate About You

-Has the fact that you're completely psycho managed to escape your attention?

-I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is. My mama didn't raise no foo'!

-You don't buy black underwear unless you want somebody to see it

-What is it with this chick? She got beer-flavored nipples?

-I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

-I have a dick on my face, don't I?

-Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half of his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers.

-It's not everyday you find a girl who'll flash someone to get you out of detention.

-Leave it to you to use big words when you're smashed.

-Just because you're beautiful doesn't mean you can treat people like they don't matter.




Not Another Teen Movie

-Sure, why not? I am the token black guy. I'm just supposed to smile and stay out of the conversation and say things like: "Damn," "Shit," and "That is whack."

-Dude, you can't start a slow clap at any time and expect everyone to join in.

-You put the "suck" in "liposuction" You put the "ooo" in "jiu-jitsu" You put the "ism" in "This is all just a defense mechanism".

-Good night, Pumpkin Tits

-Do you think I sleep with every guy who writes me a letter? No. I give them hand jobs.

-Who would've guessed that everyone in school was a professional dancer?

-I'm only in this song because I'm the black guy



Thirteen

-If everyone in the world married someone of a different race, after one generation, there would be no prejudice.

-I love you and your brother more than anything in the world. I would die for you, but I won't leave you alone right now.

-Would you like me to model my new thong? Great for pooping on the go!

-The itsy-bitsy spider dropped acid at the park...

Dawson's Creek

-"I don't need to watch Entertainment Tonight to know Drew Barrymore is hot!"

-"How can you seem to be friends with someone when every time you look at them you all you think about is how much more you really want"

-"I'm fifteen years old, & I go through every day thinking that nobody loves me"

-"Oh I dated the star quarterback & got knocked up, the usual."

-"What's in it for you? I mean, the fact that I've been a first class bitch to you since the day you got here is pretty much public knowledge"

-"Wherever life takes you, big cities, small towns you will inevitably come across small minds. People who think they are better than you are. People who think that material things or being pretty or popular makes you a worthwhile human being. But none of these things matter unless you have a strength of character, integrity, sense of pride. And if you have these things, don't ever sell them. Don't ever sell out. So when you meet a person for the first time, please don't judge them by their station in life. Because who knows, that person just might end up being your best friend."

-"When I saw you going for Jen's hand, I mean it's not like I wanted to be the one holding your hand, I just didn't want her holding it"

-"Don't give up on your lost causes, you never know when your luck will change."

-"I play a crucial role in this little circle. I'm the girl everyone loves to hate. I'm the one you can take all your anger and aggression out on. Why you ask? Why can't I be sweet? Because sweet is boring. I don't have family lives like you guys. My parents divorce is boring, my house is boring, there's no drama. So, you know what? I create drama. And I think that's a valid extracurricular activity."

-"Everything changes eventually. That's just the way life is and you have no control over it. Like suddenly people who you think are always going to be there, they disappear. You know? People die and they move away and they grow up."

-"When I'm with you, I feel like I'm nothing. That's why I flinch when you touch me. That's why I never touch you, why I never think about it. Because when I do, it just reminds me that I'm not good enough."

-I'm scared that I'm gonna end up alone. I'm scared that I'm always gonna be someone's friend, or brother, or confidant but never quite... someone's everything. Mostly I'm scared I'm never gonna meet a guy that I love as much as I love you.

-You say that I'm the dreamer. I'm the one who doesn't wanna live in the real world. Well, I'm doing it, Joey. Right now. I'm living in the real world. It's you who wants the fantasy.

-A single moment of true joy is more powerful than a lifetime of sorrow.

-Good teachers are just traumatized students trying to erase whatever went wrong with their own high school experience.

-I think sometimes... you have to lose somebody completely before you can figure out what they really mean to you.

-I make a cancer joke and Joey gets mad, or I make a crazy joke and Andie gets upset, or I make a joke about ho-bags and Jen starts humping the couch.

-You don't blame me for kissing you, you blame yourself for kissing me back.

Nip/Tuck

-What's the matter Christian, not attracted to pregnant women?
-No, just not attracted to you.

-Can I buy you a drink?
-I don't drink.
-May I buy you an appetizer?
-I don't eat. I'm a model.

-The line that divides the porn industry and the plastic surgery is a thin one. We're both selling fantasy, aren't we?

-I think I work better on women I've screwed. Once you've seen a woman's cumface, you've seen her soul.

-I'd rather be a good doctor who helps people than a brilliant doctor who hurts them.

Sex And The City

-Why fuck the girl in the skirt, when you can fuck the girl in the ad for the skirt?

-I don't like having anything inserted in my anus, even though it may come as a surprise.

-One time I fucked a guy because he had a swimming pool. I came over and he used to bring me Kool-Aid.
-Kool-Aid?
-I was thirteen.

-My fuck buddy moved to Chicago. Now, we have phone sex

-Trey, I am tired of being married to your penis.

-I have a date with a dildo.

-I'm thinking balls are to men, what purses are to women. It's just a little bag but we'd feel naked in public without it.

-The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.

-How does that work? You go to bed one night, wake up the next morning, and poof - you're a lesbian?

-Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality

-Women don't care. We care about nice arms, great eyes, a big dick... I've never once heard a woman say: "He had such a big full scrotum."

-My vagina's depressed.

-Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.

-And then I realised something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.

-When will waiting for "the one"... be done?

Desperate Housewives

-I can't believe you tried to kill me.
-Yes, well, I feel badly about that.

-Rex cries after he ejaculates.

-I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me, I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas! Alright, are you willing to risk that?

-Yes, each new day in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies. The worst are the ones we tell ourselves right before we fall asleep. We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we're happy, or that he's happy. That we can change, or that he will change his mind. We persuade ourselves that we can live with our sins, or that we can live without him. Yes, each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate, desperate hope that come morning - it will all be true.

-It's a rare man that understands the value of a perfect rose.

-Okay, now I want you to hold the gun like you're holding a beautiful white dove. Hold it firmly enough that it can't get away, but not so firmly that you can kill it.

-Sometimes evil drives a minivan. 

House, M.D.

-Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth.
-And truth often kicks us in the nads.

-That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
-Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.

-Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.

-I am the doctor who's trying to save your son's life. You're the mother who's letting him die. Clarification- it's a beautiful thing.

-A patient comes because she's sleeping 16 hours a day, and it takes ten doctors and a coma to diagnose sleeping sickness.

-In Swedish, "friend" also translates into "limping twerp".

-I don't *need* to watch The O.C., but it makes me happy.

-You're reading a comic book.
You're drawing attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top.
-[covers her chest with her clipboard]
-Oh, sorry, I thought we were having a "state-the-obvious" contest.

-I'm extremely disappointed. I send you out for exciting, new designer drugs, you come back with tomato sauce.

-So what's your plan? You take the big dark one, I'll take the little girl, and the Aussie will run like a scared wombat if things get tough.

Alias

-Let's take things one step at a time. This is a charge of C4. I can tell because there's 'C4' written all over it.

-He also happens to own the largest collection of pornographic art in all of Madrid. Which... I thought was an interesting fact. Sorry.

-And, just because you have gotten comfortable with my daughter doesn't mean you can get comfortable with me.

-Even though everything's changed... some things don't... I'm not going to lose you twice.

-No, no, no. We need a professional. We need a hit man. If there's one, there are a thousand. Rats breed hourly.

-Mr. Vaughn, you're young and you're eager, and I understand that. But one thing you're not, and this is something only time can provide, really, is wise.

-Why are you looking at me like that? Did you guys break something of mine?

Everwood

-You know, when your mother died, a thousand people said a thousand stupid things to me and I just wanted one of them to give me a reason not to die.

-You know, you're grandfather thinks I'm only half a person - and if you leave - he'll be right.

-And behold the people, who had every attribute of dogs, except loyalty.

-You guys choreograph the bathroom stall exit, and I'm the loser?

-Now, if you choose not to respond to my parental authority, I should warn you, I have mind altering drugs in the other room and I'm not afraid to use them.

-I melt down, you practically carry me home, and YOU want to say sorry? You - you're like a saint, only annoying.

-Uh, Dad, depending on how many people are there today, do you think I could borrow that rifle to shoot myself?

-Newsflash Dr Brown, you're not here to save the world. Only to annoy it.

-Do you think if aliens would probe you, you'd still be considered a virgin?

-I'd like to take a moment and point out that this is by far the weirdest restaurant we've ever been to, and we're from New York City where we're regularly served by drag queens named Frank.

24

-Tell me where the bomb is or I will kill your son.

-You're a good liar. But I've seen better.

-I have killed two people since midnight. I haven't slept in over 24 hours. So maybe you should be a little more afraid of me than you are now.

-Jack, you are not going to do this. You are not going to torture my brother!

-Chloe, we don't have time for your personality disorder!

-You probably don't think that I can force this towel down your throat. But trust me, I can. All the way. Except I'd hold onto this one little bit at the end. When your stomach starts to digest it, I pull it out. Taking your stomach lining with it. For most people it would take about a week to die. It's very painful.

-So, uh, what are we saying here? If we save LA from a nuclear bomb, then you and I can get together for dinner and a movie?

-Part of getting a second chance is taking responsibility for the mess you made in the first place.

Scrubs

-Babe, you gotta understand. A guy will sleep with any woman he finds attractive, no matter how he feels about her. If Tyra Banks drove her car over my mom and then offered to have sex with me, I'd have to dial 9-1-1 in the nude because my pants would already be off!

-Well isn't that just the pickle on the giant crap sandwich that is my day.

-You'd better go ahead and enjoy this while you can, Bob, because if your evil genie goes ahead and grants your wish and I'm gone forever, then the only one you're going to be able to contend with around here is yourself. And when you really get to know *that* person, oh, dear God, you'll scream so loud that Satan will want to tear up that contract he made with you at birth just so he can get some sleep.

-I doubt sex for you is about making babies, because you'd probably just eat them anyway, and driving over to Dr. Cox's place and pleasuring him while he watches sports hardly counts as revenge.

-Dr. Dorian, I owe you an apology. Obviously I was unclear when I said, "Stay in the MRI room with that patient", it must have sounded like, "Leave and do other things".

-She likes to joke that I choked the last breath of life out of her long ago, and now she's just a shell of a woman. I think that's so cute... I called her Shelley. You know, when I call her that, sometimes she laughs so hard she cries.

-You know, when you stop being frightened, time really is on your side. And you can just go on being you.

-Oh, Miss Pacman, I would sex that bow right off your head. Eat those dots you naughty, naughty girl.

-Ahh, it's a bouncing baby boy. Another ready soldier in the war against communism.



Will & Grace

-You need to find a better hobby than outing robots.

-C-3PO wasn't gay, he was British.

-And I was at Bloomingdale's this morning waiting on line to buy wrinkle cream, and this Jennifer-Love-Michelle-Sarah-Felicity looking thing bumps into me and says, "Excuse me, ma'am."

-Let's touch stomachs.

-Gosh, I don't think that I've ever been stressed out. Why would I be? I've got practically no responsibilities, my job's a breeze and I've got a KILLER rack. Good morning.

-Ladies and gentlemen, fresh from 45 minutes of butt-robics, I give you my ass.

-Oh Minnie Driver, who ever told you, you could pull off a leather jumpsuit?

-I think you're missing the silver lining here. When you're old and in diapers, a gay son will know how to keep you away from chiffon and backlighting.

-Will, my love for you is like this scar, (points at elbow) ugly, but permanent.

-Good Lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me?

-You dragged me down to this God-forsaken place to tell me my kids made the Honor Roll? Honey, my time is precious, call me when one of them gives birth at the prom!

Family Guy

-Damn you, vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your wretched womb.

-You know those Germans; if you don't join the party, they come get you.

-Holy crip, he's a crapple.

-Hey Bartender! Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

-I'm not drunk! I just have a slight lisp... and a stomach virus... and an ear infection.

-When the world is mine, your death should be quick and painless.

-Well, Peter, if you pull a party out of your ass you better stand up.

-Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass.

-I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy.

-Now, I know you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man.

-And the winning theme for the Harvest Day Parade float is... the episode of "Who's the Boss" where Tony sees Angela naked in the shower.

-Oh, let me guess. Another box with a crank that I turn and turn and turn until... whoo... a clown pops out. Then you laugh, the kids laugh, the dog laughs, and I die a little more inside.

-My dad's worked at that mill for 60 years. That's almost 80 years!

 

Seinfeld

-You very bad man, Jerry. Very bad man.

-Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.

-Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?

-Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.

-I'm not sure, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I see... a nipple.

-You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.

-Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty.

-I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

-If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.

-I'm speechless. I have no speech.

-Cinnamon. It should be on tables in restaurants along with salt and pepper. Anytime someone says, "Ooh, this is so good - what's in this?" the answer invariably comes back, "cinnamon." Cinnamon. Again and again.

-You see, Elaine, the key to eating a black and white cookie is that you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved.

-The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.

-Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Sleep, do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating... THAT'S a fantasy camp.

-To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there... you're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know what's goin' on. Both birthday parties, people have to kinda help you blow out the candles, you can't do it... you don't even know why you're doing it. What is this ritual? What is going on? It's also the only two birthday parties where other people have to gather your friends together for you. Sometimes they're not even your friends. They make the judgement. They bring 'em in, they sit 'em down, and they tell you - 'these are your friends! Tell them thank you for coming to my birthday party.

-I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think "That's why I'm not a heterosexual."

-Hi, my name is George, I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.

-I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.

-Divorce is always hard. Especially on the kids. 'Course I am the result of my parents having stayed together so ya never know.

-When she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again. Neurotic, paranoid, totally inadequate, completely insecure. It's a pleasure.

-My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter, I was raised to give up. It's one of the few things I do well.

-I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me.

Friends

-Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.

-If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

-All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.

-You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance.

-Oh, yeah, I'm a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last... twelve hundred times.

-I can't take it any more! So you win, okay? Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today - Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What? Are you dating a character from "Fraggle Rock"? Ahh.

-And now you have to leave, and I have to live with a boy!

-You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*!

-Ross we better stick to the routine; we don't want to look stupid.

-Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!

-Ross: We were on a break!
Chandler: Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!

-Phoebe: It's not mine! If I kept it, it would be like stealing!
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!

-Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on his ass!

-Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.

-What? You're over me? When were you... under me?

-Monica: OKAY. Are we ready to play some serious poker?
Ross: Well, I don't know. Phoebe just threw a Jack away because he didn't look happy.

-Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.

-Well, this is like summer in a bowl!

-I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.

-What? No. What - what are you doing? GET OFF MY SISTER.

South Park

-Oh, Celine Dion, what have you done? I was going to make us a family again, but now you've slept with Ugly Bob.

-Gay people, well, gay people are EVIL, evil right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?

-You know, when Comedy Central asked us to do a Thanksgiving episode, the first thought that went through my mind was, "Boy, I'd like to have sex with Jennifer Aniston."

-How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?

-I've learned something too: selling out is sweet because when you sell out, you get to make a lot of money, and when you have money, you don't have to hang out with a bunch of poor asses like you guys. Screw you guys, I'm going home.

-You... You're just a hooker and I need to get laid!

-Cartman: You're the worst character ever Towelie.
Towelie: I know.

-What awaits each person in heaven is eternal bliss, divine rest, and 10.000 dollars in cash.

-Just walk away! You can put a stop to all this! Just walk away and we will spare your lives! Just walk away!

-Hey, I'm pregnant everybody! Now I can go down to the clinic and have an abortion!

-Stan: Hi Kenny.
Butters: I told you my name isn't Kenny. It's Butters.
Stan: Hi new Kenny.

-Mayor: Officer Barbrady what are you doing? You still haven't caught Chicken Fucker Yet.
Officer Barbrady: Ah Ah! Mayor in front of the children we say "Chicken Lover".

-Why does Grandma have to live so far away? Why don't we just stick her in a nursing home closer to us so I don't have to drive six hours to get a god-damned present!

-Keep your eyes peeled boys, someone's going to make love to this chicken any second now.

-You go to hell. You go to hell and you die.

-The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet, he spits in your eye.

-Cartman: You so much as TOUCH kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants.
Stan: Jesus, Cartman.
Cartman: Well, I'm just sayn', man, seriously, don't mess with kitty, man.

-Ned: Are fireworks legal in Mexico?
Jimbo: Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way.

-Yeah, you got your brother back but I didn't get any presents. And what did I tell you, Kyle? I told you if we didn't make it back in time for Christmas I was gonna whoop your ass, didn't I? Now you're gonna get it, motherfucker. That's it, you and me. Right now. We're having it out. Come on. Come on.

-I'm not fat, I'm festively plump.

-Oh, I've haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant.

-Tastes just like chicken... the ass of the chicken.

-Stan, you need to lay off the cough syrup, all right, seriously. I'm worried about you man.

-What has America's youth come to? Kids won't even kill their own grandparents.

-Well spank my ass and call me "Charlie", it looks like we have two A's.

-I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like, EH. You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie. Eh, woman, you shut your mouth, and make babies.

Knocked up

-He's playing fetch... with my kids... he's treating my kids like they're dogs.

-I'm going to murderball you!

-I'm not gonna go to the end of the fucking line, who the fuck are you? I have just as much of a right to be here as any of these little skanky girls. What, am I not skanky enough for you, you want me to hike up my fucking skirt? What the fuck is your problem? I'm not going anywhere, you're just some roided out freak with a fucking clipboard. And your stupid little fucking rope! You know what, you may have power now but you are not god. You're a doorman, okay. You're a doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, so... Fuck You! You fucking fag with your fucking little faggy gloves.

-You old, she pregnant. Can't have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around. That's crazy, I'm only allowed to let in five percent black people. He said that, that means if there's 25 people here I get to let in one and a quarter black people. So I gotta hope there's a midget in the crowd.

-Because your face looks like a vagina.

-If it grows from the ground, it's probably okay.

-Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.

-You think because you don't yell, you're not mean. This is mean.

-I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.

-Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. And I can't even accept that? I don't think I can accept pure love.

-Are you the lady who doesn't realize she's pregnant until she's sitting on the toilet and the kid pops out?


Shrek The Third

-Help! I'm being kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me!

-Rapunzel, Rapunzel. Let down your golden extension.

- "I haven't had a trip that bad since college!"

-"The only thing you're ever gonna be king of, is king of the stupids!"

-You know the baby's gonna love it, because I do!

-How can you be a reciever of the wedgies, when you are clearly not a wearer of the underpants?

 

General

-I will always be by your side, through thick and thin. Except for that day when you deciede to jump off a bridge, on that day I will be at the bottom, ready to catch you.

-True Friends Dont Stab You At All

-People change but memories last forever

-Friends are like your favourite toys,
they may get old but you will never want to get rid of them.

-Your friends are just like car seats...they always have your back.

-Good friends are there to bail you out of jail,
but only your true friends are there beside you saying "Lets do that again!"

-When I broke a plate, my parents told me to say sorry, and it was all better. When my best friend broke my heart, somehow I'm sorry just didn't cut it.

-Friends are God's apology for your family

-A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.

-You say I punch like a girl? Would that have anything to do with why your crying?

-Don't let someone who's blind call you ugly.

-I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee,
I can justify any shopping spree!

-Dear Heart---
Well, I met another guy today.
Prepare to shatter.
XOXO, Me

-A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be. 

-Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. 

-A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world. 

-Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. 

-The antidote for fifty enemies is one friend. 

-A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad. 

-The friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.

-A good friend is cheaper than therapy. 

-If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do.  Think up something appropriate and do it. 

-The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend. 

-A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. 

-The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. 

-It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. 

-A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails. 

-True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable. 

-Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait for the answer. 

-A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out. 

-There are big ships and small ships.  But the best ship of all is friendship.

-The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had. 

-The language of friendship is not words but meanings. 

-A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

-Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much.  Then again, don't drink too little.

-If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi

-The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

-Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.

-Condoms aren't completely safe.  A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.

-Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

-Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped.

-Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.

-Sex is not the answer.  Sex is the question.  "Yes" is the answer.

-Men get laid, but women get screwed.

-When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.

-There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex.  People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats.

-There's nothing better than good sex.  But bad sex?  A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.

-A hug is a great gift - one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange.

-Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

-Gentlemen prefer blondes... but gentlemen marry brunettes.

-A fine head of hair adds beauty to a good face, and terror to an ugly one.

-The world is divided into two kinds of people:  those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos.

-Women, don't get a tattoo.  That butterfly looks great on your breast when you're twenty or thirty, but when you get to seventy, it stretches into a condor.< the to way all goes tattoo A deep.  skin is>

-Can you imagine a world without men?  No crime and lots of happy fat women

-A painter paints pictures on canvas.  But musicians paint their pictures on silence.

-Music is what feelings sound like.

-If I ever die of a heart attack, I hope it will be from playing my stereo too loud.

-End discrimination.  Hate everybody.

-I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.

-Scars are tattoos with better stories.

-Most guys aren't that picky.  They may have quicker reflexes around large breasts, but they need more to keep them interested.

-Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure

-Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

-Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

-Shin:  a device for finding furniture in the dark.

-The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.

-It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

-No one is listening until you fart.

-Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.

-People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

-Babies are such a nice way to start people.

-Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying.  (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud "snort" noises.)  I don't know why parents don't do this more often.  Usually it makes the kid laugh.  Sometimes it sends him into shock.  Either way it quiets him down.  If you're a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage.  Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won't have his friends hanging around your house all the time.

-If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

-My second favorite household chore is ironing.  My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

-Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing

-Don't cook.  Don't clean.  No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum - "My God, the floor's immaculate.  Lie down, you hot bitch."

-You cannot discover new oceans until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.

-It’s the heart afraid of breaking that never takes a chance; it’s the dream afraid of waking that never learns to dance.  It’s the one who won’t be broken that never seems to give, and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.

-You can’t possibly hit the ball if you are thinking about all the possible ways you can’t.

- If the going seems easy, check if you are going downhill.

-At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people - you are obnoxious in a different and worse way

-Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.

-You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you.

-Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.

-Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

-I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

-There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves.

-In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.

-I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

-Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped

-Men are proof that women can take a joke

-I like rice.  It’s great when you’re really hungry and want 2000 of something.

-Let's become old ladies together... we'll stay up late looking at old pictures, telling 'remember when' stories and laughing 'til our sides ache.  Lets become eccentric together... the kind of old ladies who take long walks, wear silly hats, and get away with acting outrageous in public places.  And if anyone should ask how long we've been friends, we'll say, 'Oh Forever… since before you were even born'.  Lets become old ladies together... because a friendship that's as special as ours can only grow through the years.

-I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead.

-I like children - fried.

-Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

-Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

-I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

-Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing.

-Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.

-Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.

-The perfect lover is one who turns into pizza at 4am.

-Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

-Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

-Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

-Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.

-Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

-I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

-every now and then, we find a special friend who never lets us down, who understands it all, reaches out each time you fall.. you're the best friend that i've found

-we may fight and we may cry, but my love for you will never die.  i'll care for you until the end because you are my bestest friend

-My friend, if I could give you one thing in life, it would be the ability to see you as others see you, then you would realize what a truly special person you are

-It's truly amazing when to strangers become best friends, but its something else when two best friends become strangers

-Friends are like parachutes, if they're not there for you the first time, chances are you won't need them again

-A true friend is someone who knows you better then anyone else and still likes you

-Friends are like rainbows, they brighten up your day after a storm

-Some people make this world special just by being in it

-Girls are so complex, they confuse themselves

-A woman has the last word in any agruement, anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new one

-Rainbows apologize for angry skies.

-The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.

-Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.

-Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet.

-An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an escalator "Temporarily Out of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs... Sorry for the Convenience ... We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there."

-Women always go to the restroom in pairs, something I do not understand. Maybe they want to have a race because one of them is always sad when they come back.

-Two-in-one is a bullshit term, because one is not big enough to hold two. That's why two was created. If it were two-in-one it would be overflowing. The bottle would be all sticky and shit...

-You know, people think I'm into sports just because I'm a man. I'm not into sports. I mean, I like Gatorade, but that's about as far as it goes. By the way, you don't have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade. You could just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic. I'm thirsty for absolutely no reason. Other than the fact that liquid has not touched my lips for some time. Can I have a Gatorade too, or does that lightning bolt mean "no?"

-One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.

-All McDonalds commercials end the same way: "prices and participation may vary." I want to open my own McDonalds and not participate in anything. I want to be a stubborn McDonalds owner. "You got Big Macs?" "Nope. We got spaghetti!...And blankets, but we are not aphiliated with that clown, he attracts too many children."

-On a traffic light, green means "go" and yellow means "yield," but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means "hold on," yellow means "go ahead," and red means "Where the fuck did you get that banana at?"
-My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, and I said, "No, but I want a regular banana later, so yeah."

-I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake

-One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I am older." "You son of a bitch, how'd you do that? Let me see that camera."

-I like the FedEx guy, 'cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it! And he's always on time.

-I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would be really mad if she heard me say that.

-Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone is all scared. "Tom's gone!" "Is he a magician?" "No." "Then let's print up some flyers!"

-Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

-I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up really quick? Zipp. "Fuck you."

-I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed. Imagine trying to fly a chair. You'd have to run like a motherfucker.

-I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I have to tell them something that is going on. "What time is it, Mitch?" "Uh, that guy is eating a hamburger." "Shit, I had to be somewhere ..."

-Koala bears. They're so fuckin cute, why do they gotta live so fuckin far away from me. We should ship some of them over. And I will apprehend one. And hold him. And pet him on the back of his head.

 

One-Liners

-So love me gently with a chainsaw

-This is because I can spell konfusion with a K

-I always catch the clock it's 11:11

-This is to a girl who got into my head with all these pretty things she did

-Just remember the first step in forgetting is destroying all the evidence.

-Spill on me your nostalgia and cataracts that fell behind self-conscious eyes.

-This is a .44 caliber love letter straight from my heart.

-Dressed to kill, you look so right. I am drunk with lust tonight...

-I want you to fucking wreck me.

-With friends like you, Who needs subtext?

-Let's redefine what it means to heal.

-This burden's not a heavy one but I assure you, it's present.

-Write your name on my chest in kerosene. Spark a match and you won't be cold again.

-You had the coldest eyes, and the softest touch.

-I'm softer than a thrift store sweater and twice as worn in.

-You always had the blondest hair.

-Looks so good Convulsing on the floor, ya sugar!
     
-And the blood from your nose matches your lipstick shade

-Maybe the music isn't dead, Maybe we all just forgot what it fucking sounded like.

-Sometimes it's just about feeling good.

-I wish I could remember what color your eyes were...

-I broke through this hollow shell that once held me so tight I couldn't breathe.

-It's easy to cheapen an event by pretending it happened.

-I will beat my fist against my chest if only to prevent my heart from beating for you.

-If only we could heal ourselves.

-So make sure you love like you've never been hurt

-Your fashion is my fucking cancer

-You always used to stay within arms reach. Now it seems I'm all by myself.

-Your wounds are opening wide and they might be just my size.

-And this knife, it is my most important appendage

-Sorry I didn't hear you I was busy dying in the corner.

-'Cuz all the fashion in the world cannot save you now.

-So this is continuous happiness; You know, I always Imagined it something more.

-I have a collection of thunder that I stole from your windowsill.

-I feel like some kind of shadow; Another slave to the week.

-You painted a picture so graphic that no one could see past it...

-Your dead fad is a fucking disaster

-I guess addiction is in this year.

-My greatest gift to you is a dance floor free from insecurity

-You're not like all the rest.

-This is how a heart breaks.

-I'm the kind of kid that can't let anything go.

-It's like a fun house mirror version of myself, through those fucked up eyes of yours

-Without pictures of you my wallet has never looked so empty before

-Sometimes you have to see the beauty in all of this loneliness.

-I'm cursed with years of failure and I know I'm bound to bring you down

-Tripping over my words and now you're tripping on me. Isn't that funny?

-You articulate in perfect sentences and make a masterpiece of ending my life

-You're all that's wrong with me

-Cheer up my old friend; I offer interest in you

-my heart is all i have

-So clever with your let downs as you fill the air with lies

-The hardest things to say are the words that mean the most
So I'll bite my tongue til it bleeds and I doubt you'll even know

-A portrait bruise just like you

-Not too cool to be throwing up all morning sick
from what you might have done or done it with.

-The hang-ups and the heartbreaks get you past

-The easiest things to fake are feelings to fool someone else

-there's something in an empty bed that makes it hard to close your eyes.

-I wonder if you're looking up from underneath someone who is able to be, everything that I'm not.

-I know the spark inside your eyes was just the match I used to set myself on fire.

-Take this razor, sign your name across my wrists so everyone will know who left me like this

-I lived too fast and I loved too much and I’ll die too young, but I chose this cup that I drank from.

-I keep your picture as a reminder, of what I wish I wasnt.

-Just don't tell me that this doesn't mean the world, cause my ears would bleed and my heart would hit the floor.

-There's a pain in my chest growing stronger with every heartbeat.

-A notch on your belt's not a notch worn so well, but it's expected of me and the lies that I tell.

-Sometimes content leads to stagnant and stagnant leads to contempt. Contempt leads to the present.

-If I had a gun and shot it at your face would you promise not to get out of the way?

-Drink up beautiful. I filled your cup with angst and a heart attack, 'cause I've got so much trapped and it's all because of you.

-Dear Tragedy, I never had anybody.

-And although I recognize that we're attached at the lips ,you're the one in charge and that the captain's gotta sink with the ship.

-I can't hear my thoughts through this broken mind

-if love existed we wouldn't be so soft and easy to ruin.

-Let's begin this autumn drive; One jerk of the wheel- we'll see how cold this November water really is

-we're forest fires waiting to happen, and buildings designed to collapse.

-we'll realize that we're brilliant at dying as more bullets kiss, and more blades cushion our akward movements.

-And I'll watch your blood run thin through infected wounds and softened scars again

-i'm slowing down into a shallow circle while my heartbeat fills the gaps between sporadic and failing gasps.

-The one thing that I'll never get is how you turned out like all the rest

-the truth is, there's been an autumn in me and it's been that way since may.

-and my shoes, ripped and ruined from running, have finally found their final resting place at the base of your skull...

-so now i realize the cowardice you kept behind your bloodshot eyes and awkward frame was calling the shots

-The first time I saw a body bend that way I realized that we're more beautiful dead than alive

-Save me from this love affair with broken hearts

-You and me- You know that we were always funny in a Car Crash sort of way

-I understand that your worst is beating the hell out of my best but I can take it

-Watch me bruise and bleed for you

-Believe me when I say that I love you, angel, because I do, but accidents will happen...and they do.

-Baby, the blood's already been spilled and no amount of crying will wash the red from your guilty hands

-Today has been cluttered with broken teeth and filthy stitches and a conscience that won't shut up

-you better bring a baseball bat or better because broken bones and black eyes are a safe bet.

-drag my corpse through the cities I never got to visit. Promise don't let me miss it.

-I'm a sucker for weakness and the blood covering my floor. It's all that I have left to remind me of the girls I've loved before.

-When you're left with only a bullet I'll bring the trigger and a promise to pull it

-i swear on my life that if i could take this knife out of my back, i would - but between the loss of blood and the loss of my trust in you, i don't think it'd do any good.

-get this through your skull - don't get caught up in me.

-It's a good thing that I havn't slept in weeks because right now, it seems that times are hard for dreamers

-I guess this is what they call killing yourself in small doses.

-I ruined everything for you

-I've been keeping track of days by counting hangovers and bottles on my floor.

-So sleep secure and rest assured that you're beautiful with trigger pulled.

-We’re gonna burn this town to the ground and laugh over the flames.

-This year has been bruised and broken in so many ways that days have long since been abolished.

-So forgive me, love, I'm choosing a fitting end to the abusing.

-Picture yourself in a nightmarish scene of such grotesque complexity that you'd kill to be dreaming.

-The deaths of countless others simply set up the lyrics for your symphony.

-I felt the sun on my face for the first time, and tasted blood on my tongue for the last

-It took time to fashion this noose from fine threads of self abuse, but it fits your neck perfectly. Securely.

-this coma kiss is infinite

-our favorite song's been repeating all night

-nothing makes sense anymore, when murder's just a mistake that you have made

-I'll give you enough time to regain your composure to reconstruct a heart that's torn apart from over-exposure

-I’ve made a million messes, and I’ll make a million more. Trust me, baby…maybe I’m not the man you’re searching for.

-The lines I wear around my wrist, they're there to prove that I exist.

-our bodies know what they're for

-I know forever isn't long enough to forget the faces and places that played out your tragedy.

-My love, you’ve been a constant headache for me.

-He's the ticket to the life you had before.

-here lies clarity in a perfect grave comprised of perfect steel

-The saddest songs can sing themselves, and just sing along

-I'm the perfect picture of complacency and that's all I feel

-the perfect song will call for sedatives, sacrifice and sing-alongs; so sing along

-music this magnificent and medicine are one and the same- they make life worth living; hearts worth healing

-Faded away like the color in a blue sky at the end of the day.

-That's right, I'm blaming this all on you and the little things you didn't do.

-I hope this hurts like hell cause why should you be fine?

-I don't feel like dying, but you're killing me.

-Gimme one more drink and I swear I think I'll be ready to make the same mistakes again without you.

-It's bittersweet that you run to me.

-You had to be so strong and I had to be so useless. I'm always fuckin' useless, useless without you.

-I'm sorry that's just the way I've learned to deal with a broken heart.

-My heart will break my ribs if I hold this in.

-I love our twisted little mess.

-It's kinda sad that I have learned to deal with things like this. Being strong means being heartless.

-Take my heart if you like the beat, take my lungs if it's hard to breathe

-Pulled the hair back from her face to let that smile heat this place.

-I'm lost and I love it.

-So here we lie in this beautiful mess of tangled sheets and beads of sweat.

-You're sick of me so you just can't stick around to hear me pleading

-With my heart in your hand and my neck in the other, should I be scared or should I come closer?

-Morning always comes too quick when you're around

-But I don't think I want to know all the things that he does better

-Please tell me that you're leaving. I don't feel much like holding you tight.

-I love you even though I hate this thing that we've become.

-You said I always sang too loud to sing you a love song.

-Tell me that you'll be waiting.

-Like shooting stars we shine and then we fade, breaking the promises we made.

-I'll forget your bitter taste when you pull your lips away.

-I won't blink cause I might miss and I've waited way too long for this.

-Have you ever tried to scream under water? You'll choke.

-The stars will have to find another sky to shed some light cause this is our time to shine.

-A little song to let you know that I never wanted to be anything but everything to you my dear.

-I promise I won't cry if you promise you won't forget.

-Lets leave it all behind us- Find a nice little island where we can live like a story that ends like a fairytale

-And I need something to taste something just a little bit more sweet.. But I am sour and more sour every time that our lips meet

-You'll wish you never met me

-I know that I should probably hurt so bad but I can't feel a thing.

-Thoughts of others come between us trigger fits of jealousy

-I'd rather chew on razor blades then speak the words I want to say

-You can paint me pretty colors and dress me how you like, I'm just a ugly moth in love in a butterfly disguise

-This feels like everybody knows a secret I don't; These malicious grins and whispering. A vicious plot to kill what's left of me.

-And it sounds like the soundtrack from my better night

-Like Romeo and Juliet, we're dying in the end.

-And I'd rather be fighting with you than sleeping here next to her.

-Don't let me fall I'll break, what a mess I'd make.

-Do you remember love for the first time?

-I'm a fake

-But you're beautiful and I've told you so, Maybe not enough but you need to know that I meant it, everytime.

-Your lips won't stop shaking as time quickly passes

-The epitome of all beauty is dying slowly right in front of me

-I’ll fake this morning at your funeral; Dressed in black and trying not to laugh

-You said I don’t feel; That’s why you could not be with me.
I don’t feel the least bit sad right now, How's that for irony?

- Regret is the burden I'll carry from here to my grave.

- My gift to you, my heart was yours.
In ten weeks you shaped it.
In one night you murdered it.

- I wish I would have died in your arms the last time we were together, so I wouldn't have to wake without you today.

- Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.

- Your lies like a dagger through my heart.

- Don't leave me now, it's to hard to stand without you.

- Embrace this moment, it's too good to last for long.

- Without cause people disapear right before my eyes.
Did they speak the truth or were their words disposable.
My heart is bleeding you've caused me so much pain.
Go ahead leave you're not worth it.
Heartache is all that I know.
Heartache I embrace now.

- Infatuation cuts quick and you sharpen the knife.

- A smile can only get you so far, blue eyed suicide.

- I thought I found someone who meant what they said.
Beyond four letters, beyond four letters.
I guess I thought that things were different this time around.

- The times we've shared I don't miss you.
But I miss who you used to be.

- I'll just swallow the fragrance of these fake tears.

- I'll express my feelings, then sit back and watch you walk away.

- Open hands that know not what to hold on to.
Closed minds that hold off on what they know is true.

- Wanting to not want this yet living out tomorrows regret.
Regretting to not forget the stuff that comes with it but you're feeling so special I bet.

- Normal life was something I'd seen as tragedy.

-Boys have ways of making girls feel like shit.

-to put it nicely, i hope you choke.

-Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore

-Oh, I'm scared to death to find out what you think of me

-I'm the king of this pity party with my jewel encrusted crown

-10 bucks says you don't have it in you

-I hate to break this to you but being a coward is not a legitimate career

-I used to wanna feel your body quake when I sink my teeth into your thighs

-Not even Hell could be hotter than you right now

-I know you love how all this music's about you

-It's obvious they reek of jealousy

-I hope to God I mean a little more then the sounds that escape your tired 4 A.M. lips
And oh-how I wish I meant a little more then a symphony of heavy breathing and the friction of hips

-i cannot inhale the sparkle of your voice.

-your voice as beautiful as the sounds of waves crashing against my heart

-i'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete

-this is to the girl who got into my head with all these fucked up things i did.

-i will never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it.

-to be completely honest, you're not like all the rest.

-the stars are out tonight and you're the brightest one shining in my sky.

-you and me are like one heartbeat.

-i am not afraid of dying, but i am afraid of losing you.

-i will never feel alone again with you by my side.

-i could never leave those beautiful eyes.

-if only my heart spoke out loud, i'd play it over and over for you

-you are the hope i have for change. you are the only chance i'll take.

-my problem is you made me melt and i don't want to be frozen anymore

-no vocabulary could ever represent the beauty i see. you are everything and more than i could want you to be

-you let on about you being cold, so i brought out a smile to warm you up

-i will search for moments full of you.

-i wanna wake up naked next to you kissing the curve in your clavicle.

-and then we would know what to do when i am shaking in my shoes and my heart skips a beat over you.

-tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

-I can't forget you and our version of paradise

-I want to wake up where you are

-I love you, you idiot.

-It's the way he makes you fall in love

-So when you tell me that you love me, know for sure

-People still use other people with a crooked smile

-And this time I'm going to scream a little louder

-And in case you were wondering, you are everything to me

-Darling, you give love a bad name.

-It won't be the first heart that you'll break

-Does anybody ever stay in love anymore?

-I'd rather be anything but ordinary

-I said I love you and I swear I still do

-Am I crazy for wanting you?

-I'll be your cheap novelty

-I'll write both our names into the wet concrete

-Here is where we both go wrong

-Let's go dance under the streetlights

-A kiss goodbye is a kiss of death

-Yeah, I was young and dumb, but it was still fun.

-You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you

-"I miss you " Is the new way of saying, "I want to hurt you again."

-Love me gently with a chainsaw

-I wasn't prepared for a disaster this beautiful

-You wear nothing, but you wear it so well

-You're not so pretty when you're dead

-The alcoholic is the last true hopeless romantic

-I could be an accident, but I'm still trying

-It's just past 8 and I'm feeling young and reckless

-If this is what you want, then fire at will

-Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

-You move slow, like daytime drama

-Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let go?

-Nothing's as beautiful as perfection tearing you to peices

-Please send me anything but signals that are mixed

-I can't afford to make another mistake like you

-I live in notes and photographs and everything I'm holding back.

-It's kind of funny how I'm not listening anyway

-I hope you're happy and completely lonely

-can you grant me one last wish? play russian roulette as we kiss?

-I'll be six feet under when I'm over you

-i didnt want it to mean that much to me.

-I hope that next girl that you kiss has something terribly contagious on her lips.

-I keep telling myself im not the desperate type

-Why did i laugh so hard baby? i never meant to hurt you.

-you almost always pick the best time to drop the worst line

-wishing to be the friction in your jeans

-it's a good year for a murder

-youre just jealous cause we're young and in love

-i think i miss you most on wednesdays & saturdays

-i should have given you a reason to stay

-i guess this is what they call killing yourself in small doses

-if I told you this was killing me, would you stop?

-i set myself up for the greatest fall of all time

-Nothing comes as easy as you.

-Teenage love was underground

-Let's forget we're running out of time

-If you like the way I'm thinkin' baby, wink at it

-Armed with a plethora of insecurities, we keep eachother amused

-Don't stop the rock

-What does it take to be a superhero in my world?

-The negative of a black and white photograph is still black and white

-Man, you ought to see her fly...

-Make out kids never had the chance to be best friends

-Sugar, we're goin' down swinging.

-We are better by design

-Cupid's automatic musta fired multiple shots at her

-Crazy for running all the time? M-m-m-m-maybe.

-Well, are you killing me?

-It's in the way you sell every word and phrase

-Let's be controversial.

-You're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker

-As serious as sin

-Maybe the world can look like this forever

-Excuse me while I kiss the sky

-Keep on rockin' the free world

-You know, you could kill someone with a smile like that

-To fall in love and fall in debt

-We're still working full time for love;; underpaid, overworked, and uninsured

-We're all afraid of pointless existance

-If you're a butterfly, I'm suicide by insecticide

-Feel the rage of a new generation

-Maybe music isn't dead

-Infatuation cuts quick, and you sharpen the knife

-A smile can only get you so far, blue eyed suicide

-Normal life was something I'd seen as tragedy

-They write books about this sort of thing

-Rock and/or Roll

-It's Friday;; I'm in love

-What liars we can be

-Beauty sounds like smashed guitars

-I'm slipping into the airwaves

-I think you're hot, but I love you not

-Your heart breaks like glass

-But I have sweet nothing's to say

-Swimming through the stereo

-We're still the same compulsive drunks we were when we were small

-We were doomed from the start, as starters are

-Are you the love of my lifetime?

-We're not ready to give up

-Completely incomplete

-I'm not gonna let you go this time

-god, how do I explain that feeling when you look at me

-No lies, just love.

-This is your life, are you who you want to be

 

Love quotes.

-Love is like baking a cake. You have to have the right ingredients for it to come out right.


-Love is when you miss him even before he leaves,
when you could listen to him talk all night and never get tired of hearing his voice,
when the sound of his name sends chills down your spine
and you see his smile the second you close your eyes.


-I wish there was a fairytale that turned into my life
So I could kiss Prince Charming man and be his princess wife


-One night spent in your arms makes me love you for an eternity!


-Life is too short, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, and forgive quickly.


-Never say you hate him, if you can't let go of him


-Every Juliet waits for her Romeo to steal her heart and sweep her off her feet.


-It takes a second to like someone. It takes a minute to love someone. But it takes a lifetime to forget someone.


-Why should I risk everything, when you risk nothing.


-Love makes the world go around in a warm fuzzy way


-Sometimes the very thing you're looking for, is the one thing you can't see.


-Ever since I met you, I can't tell if I'm hungry or if it's just butterflies.


-Love doesn't always come as fireworks; sometimes love comes softly.


-When he smiles at me.. I can't help but smile back :)

-You wanted a second chance, well I'm giving it to you, so why aren't you taking it?

-Love is like a light bulb.. its bright at first but then is fades

-It broke to pieces when you went away,
Now I look at the sky for that brighter day,
I crossed the line I know that so,
but tell me why you had to go?

-I've lost the game I guess,
I did my best to win the part,
now I'm leavin here with whats left of my heart.

-I walk in the door and they tell me to smile.
They say I should be happy and all I can do is ask how.
How can I be happy when all I can do is think about losing you?

-When you kissed me everything went back in place, every pain got erased

-Love is all around us,
but in order to find it,
you've got to look in the right direction

-Can you look into my eyes and see that I've cried a million tears...just for you?

-Have you ever loved someone so much you want to puke?

-It's always best to let go of the one you love the most.
And wait for them to come back to you,
to see if they really love you back.

-I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.

-Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak;
sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

-Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.

-The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends.

-Relationships are like glass.  Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

-Love is like a puzzle. 
When you're in love,
all the pieces fit
but when your heart gets broken,
it takes a while to get everything back together.

-As soon as forever is through, I'll be over you.

-Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

-You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.

-There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

-Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

-Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars.

-If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved.

-I thought when love for you died, I should die.
It's dead.  Alone, most strangely, I live on.

-Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.

-Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.

-I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had.

-What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.

-A hundred hearts would be too few
To carry all my love for you.

-If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

-Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.

-Love is a game that two can play and both win.

-We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

-When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

-The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.

-I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.

-Sticks and stones are hard on bones
Aimed with angry art,
Words can sting like anything
But silence breaks the heart.

-I like him because he smiles at me and means it.

-Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.  "Pooh!" he whispered.  "Yes, Piglet?"  "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw.  "I just wanted to be sure of you."

-If fame were based on kindness instead of popularity, on understanding and not on worldwide attention, you would be the biggest celebrity on earth.  And to my heart, you already are.

-Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're really strangers.

-Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker.

-I dropped a tear in the ocean.  The day you find it is the day I will stop missing you.

-I've fallen in love many times... always with you.

-Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

-Spouse:  someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

-I miss you when something good happens to me, because you are the one I want to share it with first, I miss you when something bad happens, because you make everything better, I miss you when I cry, because you kiss my tears away, I miss you when Im laughing because you make my laughter grow, I miss you through all those times, but I miss you the most when Im lying in bed at night thinking about you, because before I always knew someway, somehow, you were thinking of me too, and that is why it is then that I miss you the most, because Im not so sure your thinking about me anymore

-Why do we fall in love with the ones who hurt us, but hurt the ones that love us?

-The worst thing a guy can do is make a girl fall for him with no intention of catching her

-You’ve got no reason to be jealous,
I’ve never been untrue,
they might be looking,
but I’m only looking at you

-When you finally find the perfect guy, you think to yourself, why isn’t he taken?

-To love someone is nothing, to be loved by someone is something, but to be loved by the person you love is everything.

-Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.

-Find a guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

-You don’t know what you do to me, you don’t have a clue. You don’t know what it feels like to love someone who doesn’t love you.

-Make sure first that you are really in love, not just in love with the idea of being in love.

-The saddest love is to love someone, to know that they still want you, but the circumstances don’t let you have them

-Love is when you have a bad day, but then you see the one you love and everything suddenly seems okay.

-Why are the words goodbye, I’m sorry, and I love you, so easy to pronounce but so hard to say?

-The hardest part about walking away from you knows you’ll never run after me.

-Why is it…that I must climb 100 mountains to get you...when all you have to do is smile…to get me?

-I was finally getting over you, thinking we were through, I even had crushes on guys other than you. Until one day I was in the hall, I held my head up high thinking I wasn’t going to fall. Then you had to smile at me and ruin it all.

-All I’m asking for is one night together, just you and me- all alone.  And if you can honestly say that you don’t feel anything for me after that night, I will finally let you go.

-Missing you could turn from pain to pleasure if I knew you were missing me too.

-Have you ever really cried for someone more than you wanted to?  Have you ever tried to love him in spite of all the pain?  Will you keep loving him, even though he’s whispering somebody else’s name?

-He turned around and looked right at me... and said nothing... not even hi... it was as if the months we had spent together... the time I spent loving him just weren't important - as if they never happened.

-Lately I've been remembering all the good times we had together, you have no idea how much that scares me, because I know if I forget all the bad times, the time you broke my heart, all the nights you made me cry, I know if I forget those times, I'll fall in love with you all over again, and I know my heart can't take that.

-I wish I had the guts to walk away, and forget about what we had. But I guess the reason I can't is because I know you won't come after me and I guess that's what hurts the most.

-You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel.

-I want to be able to hold your hand when I am hurting instead of having to hold someone else’s because you’re the one hurting me.

-It’s like taking me to the top of the mountain and showing me the world, and then saying, “That is what you can’t have.”

-Don’t cry over anyone who wouldn’t cry over you.

-Sometimes I wish I had never met you, because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing that there was someone out there like you.

-I tell him everything, and I mean everything. But if I tell him everything, then why can’t I tell him he means everything and more to me?

-Never give up on someone you really care for because you never know how much that person may care for you one day.

-I was finally getting over you, thinking we were through, I even had crushes on guys other than you. Until one day I was in the hall, I held my head up high thinking I wasn’t going to fall. Then you had to smile at me and ruin it all.

-If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before

-When you have everything you have everything to lose.

-The best way to destroy an enemy is to make them your friend.

-It’s better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.

-One day your whole life is going to flash in front of you; make it worth watching

-You know you're in love when you can say anything to the person and you know they won't laugh at you. When you can see their face when you close your eyes. When you can still feel their arms around you holding you tight long after they are gone. When you can still taste their kiss after you have said good-bye. You can tell you're in love when you miss them before they are gone. When their voice lingers in your ears. When their presence eases any pain. When their name sends chills down your spine. When they are the only thing you can think about. You know you're in love when you can see all their hopes and dreams and their soul when you look into their eyes. When they call you at four in the morning and say, "I love you" and mean it. When your tears stain not only their shirt, but also their heart. When they are hurt just because of these tears. When even a simple chore done with them can become a lasting memory. Ultimately, you know you're in love when you can't imagine living without them, and can't figure, how did you live before you knew them. When they fulfill every need and without them you are incomplete. The love of someone else completes the heart, and soul, and mind all at once.

-One who follows in another’s tracks leaves no footprints

-Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you are scared.

-Never regret something if it made you smile.

-Sometimes you need to run away to see who will follow you.

-I don’t know exactly where I stand with you, I don’t know what I mean to you, or what I see in you, but I do know that all I dream about is you.

-The best part of life is living the moments you said you’d die for.

-When I see him I have to remind myself to breathe, because he literally takes my breath away.

-Loving someone is giving them the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to.

-It will take a minute for a girl to realize a guy’s the one for her, but it may take a lifetime for a guy to realize she was the one for him.

-Sometimes I look at you…and you seem to be looking back at me…but sometimes you look away…like your afraid of what might happen if we stare at each other a second longer.

-A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other--maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, maybe forever...but it will happen.

-I've kissed a guy; I've kissed guys. I just haven't felt that thing - that thing, when you kiss someone, everything around you becomes hazy,  the only thing you focus on is that one person. And you realize that that person is the only person you're supposed to be kissing for the rest of your life  for one moment you get this amazing gift  you want to laugh  you want to cry cause you feel so lucky that you've found it  so scared that it'll go away, all at the same time.

-I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when your looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your cologne on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve.  I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

-I need someone who can deal with me.  I need a guy who will make me see things from a different point of view.  I need a guy who will make me talk about things that scare me.  I need a guy who will make me open up to him, a guy who won’t give up on me.

-Everyone has at least five dreams every night.  That’s 30 billion dreams. One of them has got to be about me.

-All our young lives we search for someone to love.  We choose partners, change partners… all the while wondering if there is someone, somewhere who might be searching for us.

-It’s not just a physical attraction; I love him for every single thing he is.  Every word he says; every step he takes.  This is something that will never die.  I’ve tried to stay reasonable with this, but I just can’t anymore. I just can’t.

-I love it when I am just walking away from kissing you goodbye and we both turn around at the same time; just to get one more.

-Something has to be right about us being together. Because if it wasn’t then I don’t think I would feel the way I do when you kiss me.

-No one is too young for love, because love doesn’t come from your mind, which knows your age, but from your heart, which does not.

-I guarantee we’ll have tough times and I guarantee that at some point one or both of us will want to get out.  But I also guarantee that if I don’t ask you to be mine I’ll regret it for the rest of my li