| "Love is giving someone your heart, but trusting them not to break it."
Damn, why does everything have to hit me so hard? I've been living a lie, full of dreams I can't even strive for and achieve. What the hell is the matter with my life? At this moment, I'm at rock bottom. Too much dilemmas to fix; it keeps piling up on me! Everything is ruined for me, and it hurts. Finishing high school and going to college is not even part of me right now. I can't get my brain to function, though I want to ironically. I just want to rest for a bit; better yet for the rest of my life! I can live with my job ($200+ a week), but how about my part as a family member? To serve food at the table, to pay gas and electricity, do groceries, do households, etc. I am nothing if I don't help my mom suck it all up as well. Yeah, there is so much more to that! You think I don't have problems, well I do. The smile, jokes and that "dorkness" in me fools you.
"When you have that bright smile and twinkle in your eye, only a true friend will see you are about to break down and cry."
I'm guessing this is the part where the whole self-confidence has to fall apart. Good thing I had and have you. If only you knew that you are the only one I trust with those kinds of personal issues. Oh, how I wish you are reading this. You have proven to me that caring side of you is still alive, which crushes me even more. (I loathe you for not knowing that!) It's just too bad we are not as close as we were, and how you "promised" me before, but I still thank you for being such a good friend... at least sometimes. Hey, everyone deserves more than a second chance, right?
Yup. I did bump my head: literally and figuratively, just to realize that is reality and it sucks. Pft, screw the American Dream once in the news: love for the family is better than that! Although, I find it hard to love them: I'm full of hatred ever since I got broken. (Yes, it is you!) So what if I am a "Drama Queen?" There's nothing you can do about it. And I can prove that you are too. Anyway, the temper is getting a little out of control. So until then... as if anyone is reading this stupid blog.
It was nice to let it out though.
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