wells... today was alright.. nothing exciting happen.. i went to school and today i decided to walk home instead of getting a ride home... i guess walking helps me think alot, but then again i look kind of dumb talking to myself... oh wells.. everyone does it so it doesn't make a difference.. so yahs... i've been thinking so much lately.. i talked to my aunty, because she asked me about a personal problem in the past and how i felt about my mommie being gone... and it hit me right there... i could feel an attack in my heart like someone was just crushing it... i started crying and letting her know how i truly felt.. i couldn't breathe and i couldn't stop sttutering... i told her i hate what i'm going through that it's to hard.. i'm trying my best to make my life easier, but it's not going so well... i pray every single night asking GOD to help me and be strong, not only for myself, but for my family as well... it's not so easy losing someone you love especially when it's your mom you have to let go.. i can't let her go, because she is a big part of me.. she's the reason why i'm here and she's the reason who i am... not having her in my life nomore feels like i've just lost a big part of me... life is just full of pain... but why though? i feel like i'm suffering for something that i didn't do.. could the answer be karma? could be her timing? all i want right now is to be with my mom! i know for sure i would be so happy just to have her back or be with her..i'm so tired of this bullshitt i have to go through... but it's life and i can't run away from it... i have no choice but to be a souljah...

bleh...bleh...bleh... he didn't call me like he promise... i didn't hear one word from him today.. not a call.. not a text... not even an IM... he's been on for 22 minutes and yet he still hasn't said anything.. my.. my.. my... i don't know if he's just messing with me, because if he is that ain't right.. my feelings is being gambled... i honestly wonder what i did just to be treated like this... how he says he cares for me seems like he doesn't.. does it hurt to at least call for a minute or 2 and tell me what's going on.. is it a tough job? maybe i'm just expecting to much from a guy that probably doesn't even want to be with me or what not.. i guess it doesn't really matter anymore.. it was just a fling then or not? i feel like a fool waiting for something  to happen between me and him... 

 " i'm just wanting something so much that wasn't even mines to begin with..." [sighz]...

I'M SICK BITCHES!!!!

hmm... i wonder if anyone still reads this.. but oh wells, it's not like they're interested in my life... ahaha! but it does give them something to read when they're bored... muahahah!

DEBUT- so yahs... last night was effin' wack but at the same time it was awesome...we all met up at my house and chilled for awhile so the others could come meet us here and all of us together could roll to tita's house... we had debut practice and the effin' dance teacher was late again! so we had to wait in the cold for like an hour and a half! ain't that a bitch? the only awesome part is that there were more people that came to practice and we had quality time with each other! hah! me and my escort also dance with them, but we haven't actually came into the dance yet... yeps! we were all freezing in the cold and it felt like our nipples were so effin' hard that it was ready to fall off! muahahaha! it's true though! not only that, but all of us bitches were hella hungry, but we had no time to waste... so after the practice everyone decided to come over to my house and chill for the mean time.. man oh man!!! TABOO is the effin' shitt niggahz! that's a fun ass game! everyone was just all over the house... but it was fun having everyone there!!!!

SCHOOL- it has been soooo stressin' lately... project after project... essay after essay.. what the hell mann! i thought senior year was all kick back and shitt... there's so much things i have to get caught up on... i'm not doing so well in one of my classes.. why? because the teacher gives too much work!!! yeps.. so i'm dropping that class next semester! that class is bringing my GPA down... yups! i'm trying my best in school... so i can't get any bs from my dad or anyone else... school sucks anis!!!!

STATUS- i'm talking to this wonderful guy... [sighz].. but sometimes i think i ask too much from him... we live very far from each other and we have a 3 hour difference... i talk to him everyday... it's been amazing for the pass days... i'm really feeling him, but i'm scared that this can be a "fling" or what not... he's leaving for bootcamp somewhere in january for 3 months... within those 3 months i won't be able to talk to him, but to only write letters... i really care for him so much... and i just want him to be happy... but it seems like i give him a hard time... i'm sorry bebox... you just make me soo happy and you give me something to look foward too... yeps.. he's coming here for me!!! isn't that so sweet of him.. he said he wants to see me before he leaves for bootcamp.. i'm hoping he gets stationed here in vegas so then we could be together.. yups! awwies... i'm just want to be with him, but at the sametime i don't want to go through what i went through in the past... it was hella bullshitt.. i hope this is forrealz..