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xStarvationisMySalvationx
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Name: Glorya
Country: United States
State: Whittier
Birthday: 10/31/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: It's an ADDICTION...and I'm too WEAK to fight it.
Crying. Obsessing. Lying. Jealousy. Being a nobody.you know...all those "normal" things.
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  ineedhelp
Member Since:
9/13/2004
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| Hi Xanga. Haven't updated in a while. A long while. I guess I was taking a break trying to get over myself and this thing, but I think it might still linger inside me forever. I'm not as addicted as I was years ago. I don't think I'm addicted at all anymore. I've gained weight from when I started this years ago and was like 120ish lbs. I'm like 138 now. I've lingered around that number for the past year and a half. Every time I try to go down and I do, somehow I come back up again. It just takes forever to lose a couple pounds and after all that hard work I'm still in the 130s and it kills me. So i start to eat again...and yea. I want this summer to be different. I can't believe I came back to this after trying to stop. I can't believe I had so much control. Now it's so gone...I've just let loose. Ugh...what did I eat tody?
one egg sunny side up with piece of toast and tea
One slice of pizza, some sour cream with bread, and green sprouts.
Some random fruits.
Ice-Cream bar.
Ruffles crumbs.
Now I have to go out with a friend...either to eat or get starbucks. What a life....
Well not I'm taking aerobics twice a week and pilates once a week. It really hasn't helped me lose weight because I think I overeat to compensate..or I don't know. I thought I'd lose weight but I'm not. I have to eat less.
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| i really suck. i think it's because i'm going to get my period so i always eat more the week before. butt that's no excuse. i ate a lot today. well i ate okay until i ate a twix ice cream bar and then i ate 2 rice krispies and red vines. ughhhhhhhh! binges suck. and i don't want to go purge! i was going to but i stopped myself...i don't want to do that anymore... so i'm trying to lose at least a lb a week and today didn't help at all. but tomorrow i know exactly what i'm going to eat.... 90 calories for breakfast
200 calories for lunch
80 calories snack
150 calories dinner
total: 520 cals. rounded off to 550 good for tomorrow. my goal is to be around 115-120 by mid august...we'll see...i always put goals but never stick to them. | | |
| well no where else to vent. i'm just mad and hopeless at the same time. i have gone down a little bit. down to 133. well that isnt really down but its better than 137. ugh. i'm trying to do at least a lb a week. its hard. i hate it. all the while i keep yelling at myself in my head....i just think i'm going crazy sometimes. plain ol crazy. maybe i am. maybe we all are. i wish i could be happy. why are we like this? why? i wish the world had ended in 2000. after that year is when the world went downhill. well the world was never good to begin with so .... ok what am i talking about??? ugh. i just keep feeling helpless like i fight every day to not eat so much and yet i look in the mirror and i'm still ugly and fattttt and out of controll. i'm just not happy. i know i gotta stay with it and be strong. i wish i was stronger. faster. thinner. smarter. happier. prettier. better. a better me. i'm useless right now. period. i am worth nothing. i wish we could all get together and be useless. that would be interesting. sometimes i'll be walking and i'll look at a tree and see its branches and wonder if they're strong enough to hold my weight. am a insane??? why? god help us all. shit. | | |
| urghghghgghg. thats how i feel all day. i hate being this wayy. i just want to be perfect. i hate going back and forth and eating uncontrollably. i just want to be in control of everything. ugh! with this website as my witness, i will be 110 by july. i can promise you that. | | |
| what the fuck! i'm sure many of your family members are kinda retarded but...ah i'm so mad. and i feel like a huge blob now. one of my relatives who went away somewhere for 3 months came back, and she's like "you've gained weight." first of all, i'm like the same damn weight i was 3 montsh ago...and second, what kind of person tells someone else that they've gained weight. i'm sooo...i don't know. mad? sad? angry? depressed? all of the above. i just can't believe it. and now they're putting dinner...and i'm not going to eat it. how can i, right? i wanted to take things slow...lose weight at my own pace...but now i'm so mad. god! i'm gonna go buy diet pills and stop eating. i just wanna die....i used to be so depressed. and i finally got out of it...but now, sometimes i feel it sneaking back up on me. i don't want it back...but there's no other way now. | | |
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