guess who i had a little talk with and who wants to be friends..

ill tell u later but it was pretty random i was expecting it but not so suddle. ahh well this is life rite O and ______ told me she/he doesnt xpect me to back off but yea rite, discouraging and tellin me ur moments same shit. i have 2 keep quiet though, i made a promise.

Twinkle dust

Chris just left.. he was over my house and we had some fun. he is the most amazing guy i've ever met. so far he's not weird or over wanna be gangster or something qweer. he saw my entry the one that says ME + CHRIS = beautiful sexx all nite long. and we just starting .. well thats enough details rite. im so happy. o 2day i did something bad idk i had the urge to lite one up and i did but i forgot about my tb and i dont feel so good, i hate smelling like smoke. ugh even after that fucking assembly i never learn.

love me

Chris told me he was sorry for wasting my time and that he just wanted to be friends. I really like him and he had gotten my hopes up. I was so sad. I dont know what to do. I can't get on with things nowadays. It's all so hard to deal with. I had noone to sit with because its kind of awkward to sit with him so now i spend most of my time sitting with odai and rashawn. all my friends are in a diff lunch per and thats so fucking gay, at the beggining of high school i loved it but now i realize that theres nothing good about it. im so sad and i feel so alone. my depression has sunk in again and i cry myself to sleep more and more. since chris telling me so, i cant stop crying everyday, today i broke down in advisory and got odai and rashawn all caring about me. i feel friendless. all my best buddies from last yr are in a diff house and that sucks ass. i hate my life. right now im thinking if things dont get any better im going to have to end this someway. i cant stand to be alone all the time everyday. im a need to be sociable person. tanee is mad at me too and i just want to curl up and die. nobody seems to like me anymore and sometimes i wish i could just shoot myself and get on with it but people keep telling me life is looking up but i just dont see it. stephanie isnt talking to me because i ditched talking to her to talk to chris and i guess maybe god punished me because i lost both of them. nothing good is happening right now. we're going broke and we might move to that one town because its cheaper there and i have to admit the houses are ok looking. some are pretty cool. at the rate this year is going if things dont change i might as well transfer right now. i dont know i have so much to think about and so much to cry and moan about. i hate all this right now.