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| june sevena;dsklfjaskfja
hello mr.heartbreak.i've been expecting you  fack.it's only been like a week and everything has been alright.but yet why is he doing this? 
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| ):okay.im done.im officially done.i honestly cant take it anymore.i wanna move.to a different school.everything is just too much  i miss him.gah.there i admit it.i shouldve taken him back when i had the chance.now he's found someone. someone new.and its affecting me.BAD. i want him to be here.i can't handle it if he's far away.so can't you honestly blame me?i'm young.he was my first long distance.first in a lot of stuff.mind you they werent dirty.but he was my first boyfriend who seemed to ACTUALLY CARE about me the way i cared about him.he let me do whatever.just as long as i was happy.i did alot of stuff.nothing bad.i was faithful.thinking about this is making me cry.but hey thats what blogging is for right?letting it all out.i just want everything to be back to normal already.damn.i had to be born as an emotional crybaby.thank you mom and dad -__- and like whats worse is that he's like rubbing it in my face.his effing status on aim.fawk.i just wanna strangle him.yell at his face: Do you think I care!?Because I DO dammit!So stfu and come back to california already so we can actually be happy.because you and i both know that she is just a distraction for you to get over me.thats what i think.i hope im right.sigh.ugh. >.< freeeak.i love you.i always will.never going to stop loving you.and you know that.but you obviously dont love me back if youre trying to use a distraction to get over me.i want my heart back.you took mine with you when you left me.its no wonder why ive been so off for the last 75 days.yes i am counting.i love you and i always will.youve made a fucking dent on my heart which you took with you you fucking bastard.like i said a long time ago.when theres something wrong with us, it affects me.ill think about it the next day and ill be in zombie mode and just let that thing affect my whole day.ugh.i hate you.but i love you.i hate that i love you.i want my heart back you bastard.and i want you back.fuck.i hate you.
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lately ive been bitching to myself about why my friend should get over her ex already.i know he was her first but its already been like a month or two and still no progress from her.he has obviously moved on from her.but she just wont let go.i wanna tell her to let go already,but i dont know how.but i don't wanna be that person to say that to her.i feel really bad  she checks his profile and thinks that his profile song means something.everytime he gets a new song she HAS to take it and put it on her iPod.and the next day she makes me listen to it.when she does that i just wanna grab her and just tell her GET OVER IT.it's time to move on already dammit.he doesnt love you anymore.that song is just a song.it has no meaning.you know why he doesnt hang out at the table anymore.because you have us trying to get him to talk to you.stop clinging onto the past and let go.fuck.just get over it already.when i think this,it makes me think about my situation.in a way it is similar.i tell myself to stop and let go and move on.but its just too hard.and it wasnt fair.we went through alot when he was here and just when those problems ended,he had to leave me.i dont know.i just wanna lay under my blanket now.and stay there until he comes back.or until i get hungry.
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| aprilsecond.so it happened. well idk.we talked on aim today.and i told him how i felt.my heartbeating soo fast.i couldnt breathe very well.but i told him.and he said that we should take a break :/ what does that even mean?going on a break in a relationship?blahh.whatever.i feel WEIRDER now -__- but ill get over it.sometime.idk.maybe.i guess i should sleep it off.
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| aprilfirst.so lately ive been thinking.A LOT.my mind is just soo blahh.i wanna do it.but i then again...i dont wanna hurt someones feelings.i dont know.this isnt helping.
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| drama.fun.breaking hearts.aye.it's been so long since i have last updated.so like my quince right?it was hella awesome. [: thank you bestsisterlovefriend!!!and troyboyy or course.you guys rock my socks.and sarah molly too.iloveyoukidds.best berffday ever!!!!
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VALENTINE'S DAY.that day was okay.i guess.our first vday together and it was pretty good.a few days before that though, he told me he was moving away.so you can guess how that totally crushed me.we've only been together for like apporx. 3weeks.and within those three weeks,we've had some drama from the mama.his mama. -___- ayenaako.but like yea.our vday was nice.he gave me this humongous ring, a singing card, and love coupons.haha the huge ring needed two fingers for it to fit me.it is supposedly our "engagement" ring.haha.silly.and the card.ooh the card.it made me cry.it was so heartfelt and heartbreaking.oh no more.im going to start again
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two.fifteen.oheight.our last day together.at first i didnt cry.i just felt so depressed.knowing that he was leaving, to move to frickin arkansas just made me so depressed.but by the end of the day i couldn't hold it in any longer.as soon as that 3oclock bell rang,i just broke down.it all came out.well not all.enough for him to see me hurt.all i did was cry.the tears stopped after awhile.as a "see you later" present, i gave shannon a tulip i jacked from my mama on vday and i gave him a story that my cousin was writing based on our love story,a letter,one last retarded drawing,and pastel paper stars that i made some of my friends help me make during school.and you know what he gave me?his heart.his love.and his folder.of course i gave him my love too.but im not ready to give him my heart.not yet at least.imisshim.and its only been less than five days.and i still haven't let it all out.
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two.seventeen.oheight.ate nicole's debut.ohhh that day was soooo funn!!!ate nicole was sooooooooo pretty!!!i loved her dress for the finale!and her hair.oh.my.carlisle.her hair was so gorgeous!i wish girls would wear their hair like that everyday and guys would have their hair all neat and tidy.that would be soo awesome.le gaspeth.on the finale i slipped on a flower petal.luckily kuya mark is like superstrong and he held on to me tight.haha.aww all the boys looked so fresh that day.and all the girls were so pretty.haha when like all the teenagers took over the dancefloor it was soo fun.we had like a shouting battle.youth vs. ate nicole's other teenage guests.it was funny.ahha
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aye.at like 2in the morning ate nicole and her entourage went to denny's.well not all of her entourage.just some.it was scary.not going into details though.then we all slept at balboa bay club and resort.sooo fancy up in thur.and in the afternoon we all went to the beach and this funzone place. at the arcade we played DDR.haha so asian.and at the beach we took pictures.haha another asian thing.yezzur! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i'm too sad thing think straight anymore nowadays.i need a distraction.
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