| | okay.im done.im officially done.i honestly cant take it anymore.i wanna move.to a different school.everything is just too much  i miss him.gah.there i admit it.i shouldve taken him back when i had the chance.now he's found someone. someone new.and its affecting me.BAD. i want him to be here.i can't handle it if he's far away.so can't you honestly blame me?i'm young.he was my first long distance.first in a lot of stuff.mind you they werent dirty.but he was my first boyfriend who seemed to ACTUALLY CARE about me the way i cared about him.he let me do whatever.just as long as i was happy.i did alot of stuff.nothing bad.i was faithful.thinking about this is making me cry.but hey thats what blogging is for right?letting it all out.i just want everything to be back to normal already.damn.i had to be born as an emotional crybaby.thank you mom and dad -__- and like whats worse is that he's like rubbing it in my face.his effing status on aim.fawk.i just wanna strangle him.yell at his face: Do you think I care!?Because I DO dammit!So stfu and come back to california already so we can actually be happy.because you and i both know that she is just a distraction for you to get over me.thats what i think.i hope im right.sigh.ugh. >.< freeeak.i love you.i always will.never going to stop loving you.and you know that.but you obviously dont love me back if youre trying to use a distraction to get over me.i want my heart back.you took mine with you when you left me.its no wonder why ive been so off for the last 75 days.yes i am counting.i love you and i always will.youve made a fucking dent on my heart which you took with you you fucking bastard.like i said a long time ago.when theres something wrong with us, it affects me.ill think about it the next day and ill be in zombie mode and just let that thing affect my whole day.ugh.i hate you.but i love you.i hate that i love you.i want my heart back you bastard.and i want you back.fuck.i hate you.
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lately ive been bitching to myself about why my friend should get over her ex already.i know he was her first but its already been like a month or two and still no progress from her.he has obviously moved on from her.but she just wont let go.i wanna tell her to let go already,but i dont know how.but i don't wanna be that person to say that to her.i feel really bad  she checks his profile and thinks that his profile song means something.everytime he gets a new song she HAS to take it and put it on her iPod.and the next day she makes me listen to it.when she does that i just wanna grab her and just tell her GET OVER IT.it's time to move on already dammit.he doesnt love you anymore.that song is just a song.it has no meaning.you know why he doesnt hang out at the table anymore.because you have us trying to get him to talk to you.stop clinging onto the past and let go.fuck.just get over it already.when i think this,it makes me think about my situation.in a way it is similar.i tell myself to stop and let go and move on.but its just too hard.and it wasnt fair.we went through alot when he was here and just when those problems ended,he had to leave me.i dont know.i just wanna lay under my blanket now.and stay there until he comes back.or until i get hungry.
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| | Posted 4/29/2008 12:55 AM - 1 view - 0 comments
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