| i needed a place to write my thoughts down and get as little feedback as possible.
so i decided to write on my xanga instead of swarming facebook. =)
man, its been a long time since i wrote on here.
i was reading through all my old entries. haaah.
anyways, xanga got complicated! geeez.
lately, ive been feeling kinda.. out of place.
like i have my friends, a few best friends..
but still, its like they really arnt my best friends.
recently i found something out about a friend of mine.
and this certain information just about killed me.
definetly ruined my weekend. =/
but then i found out.. one of my good friends already knew it.
how come they didnt bother to tell me ... ?
he knew how close i was with the person.
then theres this situation where its awkward with this one person
but one of my real good friends still talk to him. sometimes about me -_-
i hate that. i hate when other people have conversations about me. eff.
do i really have true friends. =X ?
im not saying this to make anyone like feel bad, def. not.
its just a thought in my head.
yeah, we have fun when we hangout. we do crazy stuff. and we chill 24 7.
but how about after we're all done hanging. how about beyond all that?
i think only one of my friends actually asked me how im doing spiritually before.
he didnt want to go play or to hangout somewhere to have fun.
we were in the car going to some practice thing, and he asked me straight up what was up.
you know those movies where they have those group of girls who are like the 'hot popular girls'
i always wondered what it would be to have a group like that and to be in a group like that.
every single girl in the group is pretty, is rich, has 'the' body and they all hangout together.
they go shopping while on their blackberry cellphones, waving around their credit card using 500$ in one store and just buying stuff for their friends out of nowhere. they always have each others backs no matter the case.
and the thing i admired the MOST when i saw those kind of movies was.. when one girl has drama with another girl. her WHOLE groupie is against that girl. well, yeah thats bad. but i just admired that.. whole-ness. that whole 'i really have your back' kind o thing. the other girls dont even KNOW what situation the other girl has. they just hate her cause one of their best friends hate her. sigh.
college application time is getting near-er.
we just had a counselor come in the other day and talk about the ACTs and college placement.
i am.. basically freaking out cause my grades arnt so hot and i need to do really good on the acts.
i saw a portion of my transcripts a week ago? and =/ um not college material. sigh.
i might have to drop all my electives to 'focus more on my reg classes' says my teacher. bs.
bye orchestra. bye health occ. bye interior design.
just.. thoughts linger-ing in my head.
|
| |
