| okay yeah i found this..and lemme just say i thought of my dad right away.. so everyguy out there may wanna read this- ESPECIALLY U QUINN haha
DADDY`S RULESz
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you had better be delivering a package, because you are sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me.
You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her
neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely
that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please do not take this
as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose
his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing
and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in
order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the
course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I
am sure you have been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing
a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it
comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It
is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other,
we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.
Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an
indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my
house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I
have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date
other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you
will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As
you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and
more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on
time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on
her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden
Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something
useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The
following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
stool. Places where there are no parents, police officers, or nuns
within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and
a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong
romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies that feature chain
saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk’s homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do
not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged,
dimwitted has-been. However, on issues relating to my daughter, I am
the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you
are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the
whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and
five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the
driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my
Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me
to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon
as you pull into the driveway, you should exit your car with both hands
in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice
that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to
your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
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well im off to clean..:-\ fun.. lol.. 