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x_FrozenAshes_x
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Name: Jerry
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Plano
Gender: Male
Interests: hmmm...drawing, listenin to music, playing music, composing/arranging/transcribing music, philosophy, mathematics, politics, human nature, psychology, humanity, religion, science, analyzing and understanding this world we share.
playin bball, watching movies and anime, playin fun games, doing fun stuff =)
Expertise: being myself and doin my own thing...haha and living. oh. and trying to be optimistic no matter what.
Message: message me
AIM:  liquidshadow236
Member Since:
4/29/2003
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| the end and the beginning.as a kid, and i don't know if this is normal by any means, one of my main concerns really was trying to understand the "truth" of life and of living. everyone dies. we know why everyone dies. bones deteriorate over time. organs weaken from use. the body begins to fail. time weathers all.
but everyone lives as well. i tried to find the reason for living, a singular purpose, the reason why people chose to go on, and not end their life right then and there. what's the point if you're going to die anyway? what's the point of living for yourself and your family and your friends when in a thousand years, no one may even remember that they, or you, lived? i tried to find a purpose for which everyone lived.
in my journey and my thoughts, i discovered the secret to life. i discovered the "meaning of life". what is this meaning? it's simple. there is no "meaning of life". there is no purpose for everyone.
then why are you here? why do you read on?
because you want to. because of you. you live for yourself. there is no way around it. and i'm not talking about this word "selfishness". that's irrelevant. from your point of view, there is no consciousness but your consciousness. there is no meaning to life. there is no end goal for us. there is no purpose for us. there is a purpose for you, and that is what you design, what you desire. the purpose is you (thus leading to my favorite mantra "believe (in what you need to believe in)"). the purpose is you...and you design your own purpose. and you'll call your purpose the "right" way. and you'll believe in it, to the death.
but in the end, there is no purpose for us.
i didn't know how many other people understood this back when i first discovered it. i thought i had struck gold. but now i know that i am not alone. i know that i am not the only person who thinks himself a god, and please, not in any selfish or conceited way. selfishness is a cursed word. humility can be as much a restraint as it is a virtue. why must we say we are not great when we do great things? why can we not speak the truth?
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"I am. I think. I will.
My hands...My spirit...My sky...My forest...This earth of mine....
What must I say besides? These are the words. This is the answer.
I stand here on the summit of the mountains. I lift my head and I spread my arms. This, my body and spirit, this is the end of the quest. I wished to know the meaning of things. I am the meaning. I wished to find a warrant for being. I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction."
-- from Anthem, by Ayn Rand
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| new math blog.http://www.xanga.com/Principles_of_Math_Analysis
i'm a nerd. deal with it. i'll basically be attempting to explain/"teach" upper level mathematics as i learn it myself. it's a project, and something to motivate me with my studies. hopefully it'll work out.
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| returning to austinyesterday was my birthday, and it was LEGEN...wait for it...DARY. whooo.
i also decided yesterday that i wouldn't take the job if they said i could, and that i'd go back to school, work hard for a year, and get a stupid degree.
so today i called them and found out that i wouldn't have gotten the job either, mainly due to the great amount of work required at that specific position, which is why i didn't want it anymore in the first place. they suggested i become an online tutor for them, and keep my options open for next year, which is fine with me. that's actually what i was thinking too, so in the end, everything worked out. now, i just have to focus on working out a course load, registering, dealing with parents, and start studying ahead. i've been slacking off for too long, so it's time to do this.
in the end, going out with friends yesterday in austin reminded me of all the things i've done here, all the volunteering, the driving people around, hanging out, working on projects and events, club meetings, talking to cool people, etc., and i realized i don't want to leave and give it all up. so classes suck. so grades suck. in the end, i've got too much to give up. in the end, i think i was just running away from the problem instead of trying harder. applying and interviewing was a good experience and i'm glad that i did it. but there's no excuse for me to be unfocused academically anymore. it's time to wake up jerry. | | |
| without handlebars.the road is narrow and winding.
outstretched great distances,
through time and terror,
with many forks
leading to many dead ends.
from the start we are pushed,
and throughout we are pushed,
and held,
and led,
by the crowd.
still many of us fall off the trail,
and still many of us lose their way.
many of us are afraid,
afraid because we can't see the path,
afraid to take a next step.
and others charge recklessly through,
lucky when successful,
unlucky when failed.
well, even lit by sunlight,
the path is dark.
the road is treacherous.
the slopes are steep,
the ground uneven.
yet,
many of us can still ride our bikes without handlebars...
(what a good song)
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| believe. dream.you know, if you don't believe and you don't dream, then what's the chance it'll ever happen?
There most certainly are things in life that you can will to happen. There most certainly are things in life that should never be given up on. These things transcend want and desire. These things are more important than here and now. There are things in life that you know that without it, you'd never be the same. There are things in life that you know you need.
It's your job to go out and get them. It's your job to reach for the stars.
What are your dreams? What are your true aspirations? Why do you live? These are all the same questions. Don't settle for less. Believe. | | |
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