x_I_LOVE_ME_x's Xanga

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 09:28:31 GMT

new xanga...

tragedyxin_3_words

shutting this one down in a week

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 07:17:17 GMT

so apparently my other uncle had to go to the hospital at 3 this morning.... why is everyone getting sick all the sudden... no one in my family used to ever be sick.

yeah i should get on that new xanga now.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 14:39:54 GMT

no more funerals for me....ever....

if anyone else dies i will kill them. shut up.

he was creamated (sp?)

there were tons of cops there since he was a cop and a detective...

im gonna miss wellsboro... i wish i could move there and start a family.

benji ran away again apparently.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 09:12:10 GMT

i was looking through all my old posts just now and they are the most retarded things ive ever seen. so prolly tonite at my dads im gonna make a new xanga and shut all my old ones down.... ive been keeping them to remember the memories but half of the stuff i said was gay or not true. i just want to start over fresh ... besides i hate this xanga name.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 08:39:55 GMT

shoot me.

i hate short hair.... especially on me.

i was gonna grow it out for prom but i got uninvited.

getting to school and back is such a hassle now. i hate it. went home on my old bus yesterday talked to mark and beans ...cool kids... i got asked out yesterday that was a shocker but i said no. matt called me on the bus to talk to me he said he didnt know i called and his mom just knew he was mad at me and didnt think we should talk right then or something... and he said that he wasnt being sarcastic when he said thanks for being there for me... so i apologized but i couldnt really here him cuz of the loud people on the bus. then we hungup... i got off the bus... my mom came to the bus stop out of nowhere and told me i had a hair appointment right then so... yeah. went. and now look at my hair. this weekend is going to suck . nothing to do all weekend... wanted to see that movie that comes out today but i wont get to since the only time i can ever go is with matt. graceann said she would be my valentine but its not the same. i hate waking up in the morning and getting slapped in the face with reality but the truth is my future isnt in my hands.

so yeah. funeral tomorrow... i want to go to pennhurst with a group of people but i dont know who to go with.. =(

i still want a typewriter.

oh yeah and i got a 16% in career 2nd marking pd. total =33% ... yep no votech for me next year... in danger of failing for the year in english too but everything else wasnt bad.

later

<3 mel

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 08:50:16 GMT

so im single.

and for once this week im content instead of feeling dragged down and depressed and blamed for not doing anything but trying to be a good gf. So yea. Yesterday was our anniversary and he called and i wasnt surprised when he said he still wasnt feeling well. So i tried to be there for him and talk to him about it. but he wants to lie to me and say oh he cant trust anyone yet he talks about it to everyone else. it was kinda a mutual thing bcuz i was so sick of him treating me like crap for no reason. i wanted to breakup with him but i didnt bcuz i figured i had to be there for him and he would get back to normal soon. but he didnt. He flipped on me for talking to him... he flipped on me for not talking to him... he flipped on me when i asked what he did in his classes yesterday... he basically blamed me for the last time he tried to commit suicide... and he yelled i love u 2 and hung up on me. Then nick beeped me later asking if i was ok cuz matt told him to or something idk. but i talked to nick for a bit then tryed calling matts house to apologize and give him space. When i called his mom answered and here was the convo :

his mom:hello?

me: hi is matt there?

:voices in backround:

his mom: wait who is this?

me: melissa

his mom: oh hes actually sleeping right now do you want me to tell him you called and call you back later.

me: no

his mom: are you ok?

me: yes

his mom: alright

me: bye

like thats not obvious that hes not sleeping... im not an idiot. i never thought his mom would lie to me for him though. I thought she liked me. I guess i was wrong.

so me and nick talked for a while again. but its funny that matt thinks me and nick like eachother as more than friends. which is insane. we both agree. today graceann told me he told her that she can tell me all his secrets now and that he told her to make sure me and nick dont go out.... which is retarded. ...and that whatever happens to him now is in my hands.... i hate how he acts like i did this to him... when all i tried to do was be a good gf. and he "brokeup" with me though nick... when he was talking to me on dc and matt imed him and said tell mel that we are over... he never could say it to my face. oh and he also said when hes making out with other girls ill be crying. its so retarded.

so yeah. im not chasing him this time . if he wants to he can chase me.... and he can be the one who changes... bcuz we wouldnt fight as much if he could just tell other girls to backoff and if he didnt flirt even when we are going out. so yeah and anyways.... i told nick to tell him... if he flirts with...kisses...does anything with anothergirl...or even says i love you to them i will find out and there will never be a chance with him again.

so yeah. and he says thanks for being there for him to me ... which um is bull... i was trying to and he pushes me away.. so yeah i have nothing to apologize about. and if he says that then i say thanks for being there when my uncle died and my cat ran away.... just bcuz i didnt cry when i told u about it doesnt mean it doesnt mean anything to me and just bcuz u help me look for benji doesnt mean you really want to be there.... like i tried holding ur hand and whatever and i even asked u if u were happy with me and u said yes 3 times. you lied bcuz you were gonna breakup with me tomorrow bcuz u were bored with me. so

yeah.

moving on. i get to go back to my dads house for once... i really miss some of my old friends who i stopped talking to after the matt thing. they were always here for me... i guess its too late now. im just sad i wont have a valentine... no flowers... no making me feel wanted =(.

owell..

later <3 Mel

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 09:22:12 GMT

benji is back.

matt is sick. guess no hanging out and celebrating anniversary once again. i just hope he doesnt leave early.

later

<3 Mel

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 09:29:42 GMT

me and matt looked for benji last nite... no luck =(.

i hope me and matt can celebrate our anniversary tomorrow. i hope things get back to normal between us soon. he hardly grabs my hand to hold it anymore and leans his head on me now and does all the stuff he normally does unless i do it first.

i hope this week gets better.

later

<3 Mel

Monday, January 30, 2006

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 09:49:36 GMT

So blah.

pretty bad weekend besides friday. on friday i went to the mall with matt and nick then to matts house to play catch phrase.

saturday was supposed to hangout with matt... but they were going out to dinner but matt didnt even go cuz he got sick and right after i got off the fone with him i found out my uncle died. so i wont be in school either tomorrow or wednesday. benji ran out and i looked everywhere even at the old house but i cant find him. today hopefully matts coming over to hangout and help me find him. my eye is all puffy for some reason. and 1st pd mike stole my bookbag and gray tried to get it back and the strap ripped so i need a new one. not to mention i look like crap. but wednesday is me and matts anniversary i believe so hopefully we get to celebrate this time.

yeah. later.

<3 Mel

edit:// i just want to go home and get shot. =( it doesnt help that supposidly matts depressed and he hasnt mentioned a word about it to me but he can tell people he has hated for the past month. and it also doesnt help that one of matts friends hangs on him like shes going out with him and she turns around and smiles seeing im behind them so she rubs her head against him flirting and matt refuses to tell her to stop. i guess me and matt arent hanging out tonite since thats part of his depression cuz we always do the same thing.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 08:45:36 GMT

god. damn. it.

double study halls suck.

hopefully new glasses soon.

me + matt + nick + kop mall = friday nite.

wooh.

sooooo hows life?

<3 mel