| Where do I even begin? All I know is that this is gonna be one heck of a long blog and I'm going to contradict myself quite a lot. So 3 weeks ago, everything was good and we were really happy. Then exams came along end of the week, and all we've been doing ever since is fight. I understand that he's stressed out about exams, so am I, just because I don't show it. But does he really have to snap at me all the time? Does he really have to say all those hurtful things when we're fighting? One minute he tells me he loves me and that he is serious about me, and that he's mine "forever" if I want him to be, next minute he tells me that we don't know what the future holds and that he feels trapped. What am I supposed to believe? What am I supposed to do? so then we don't talk for 1 1/2 day because of our busy schedules, and I think things over. Moments ago, I send him a long message on msn expressing my true feelings because I know that I have been taking him for granted over the past few weeks and I vowed to try my best to make our relationship work. So then he tells me that I put a smile on his face, yet he tells me to leave him alone, then he tells me that he loves me, then he tells me that he's not sure if he's ready for a serious relationship, then he tells me not to trap him, then I apologize for making him feel trapped, then he tells me to stop apologizing. then he says he's unstable and sometimes he's not sure if he's ready for a serious relationship, and that he needs space, so i say okay bye i love u, then he says wtf, then he tells me that he's not gonna hurt me and that he loves me?!, . so what in the world am i supposed to do?! Going into the relationship 3 weeks ago, I didn't want to get serious because I know that I'm going to put myself in that vulnerable position again and that I'm going to get hurt again and because I'm going away for university soon and for summer. But who knew, he made me so happy and feel like I was seriously on the top of the world. Nobody has done any of the things he has done for me, nobody has showed me as much affection as he has, so then without much awareness, I fell for him. Yesterday when I was thinking things over, there was a point where I almost vowed to never open up my heart again because every single time, I end up getting hurt. My mom has already warned me about dating someone younger than me, and I've always been attracted to older guys and dated older guys, maybe he's just not ready for a serious relationship and we're just not at the same maturity level. Then I talked to a friend whom I haven't spoke to for a while, and he reminded me how strong I've always been and how I never let anyone bring me down. So I decided that I'm going to give it my all into this relationship. If it doesn't work out, fine, I've learned another lesson, at least I can say I tried my best. If it works out, then excellent. I just want exams to be over so that he won't be so stressed out, but then from this, I can also see that he's at the stage where he's debating whether or not he wants to grow up. If he doesn't, then why should I even waste my time. If he does, then I'll be right there by his side at all times. |
