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x_lilaznqt_x
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Name: Camille
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Gender: Female
Interests: *Visiting the Philippines whenever I can! *Watching Korean novelas! *Caribou Coffee n Starbucks! *Azn boys w/ good azn values!
Expertise: that`s for me to know and u to find out
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
3/24/2005
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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| A Day in Chi-Town.Just a little synopsis of what happened:
Dinner @ Chinatown:
$10
Watching a some Portuguese guy sing and
getting a chance to interview him: Free
Train
ride home: $3.90
Trying to find the Union
station from the cultural arts theatre, giving money to bums on the street while
they said me & ryan looked like a great couple, and pretty much getting stranded in chicago till
12:40am-- all for my music class :::: PRICELESS.
---> Some things you
just don't tell your parents-- and this is one of them. :x
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| It's been a while.Whoa. How long since i've written on this?! How long have I checked this site out?! Hmmm, i've been neglecting it. And now that I've got so much on me, i want to use it again. I know no one really checks xanga ne more... at least no one that i really know. which i guess is good.
Especially now when I've got specific problems. Everyone says that college is suppose to be amazing-- especially your freshman year... Um, I'm sorry, but I'm HATING it. It's not like I'm going to a school that I actually enjoy or picked out. I hate this school. Benedictine University is not the school for me. It's way too small, too conservative, and too-- GAHHHH! Just not me. The school's unorganized, and it's really giving me a hard time.
My parents knew i didn't want to go to this college-- and after rejecting my number one choice for them, i'm very unhappy. I can't really talk to ne1 too long about this, b/c i know they're getting fuckin annoyed.
Everytime i talk about this-- say online to myself-- or to someone else, i start tearing up. I hate this feeling, i'm not happy at all. And I wish I took this more seriously. I've got the brains, why didn't i look into better colleges.
I would give ne thing to switch outta the school. My other college choices are: Dominican University/St. Marys/ Lewis U/Rockford college/ elmhurst college/ st xavier u/ or illinois wesleyan u.
I've got a roommate situation too. It's not like we hate each other, but we just don't like each other. we'd be better off not being together. She's one of those ppl that are awesome to be w/, or to know-- IF YOU WEREN'T living together. I can't open up to her, i can't be "me." Whenever I see her i feel upset, like i'd rather be faaaaar from her. We both want new roommates, we both want one while our relationship is still "ok."
It's not healthy to be so unhappy. It's not healthy to feel like this. It's tarnishing my relationship w/ my friends and family b/c they're suppose to listen, right? but i feel like they don't. i miss high school-- which is funny b/c i couldn't wait getting out of high school. I think i had such high expectations for college that when it turned out like this i was VERY disappointed.
I want to get outta this hell hole NOW, but at the same time i'm thinking about the friends that i have actually made-- my friend Jenny, an international student all the way from China. I'm gonna miss her, and i'm sure she'll miss me, and be unhappy if i left.
The fact that I can't talk to boys ne more is pretty pathetic too. Like i have anxiety. And i'm jealous of all the girls on my floor, they all have a special someone. I'm lonely-- yes. But i don't think i want a bf... or a bf that goes to BenU. No not at all. the boys there suck.
It seems like now that i've lost weight, i lost my confidence too.
*sighs* ironic?!
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| MYSPACE!!!OH EM GEE! The worst thing possible that can happen to me...HAPPENED!
My MySpace account got deleted! I don't know how! It makes me soooo mad, b/c I know the only way you can get it deleted is if you do it yourself, or u post up nude pics... n i know FORSUREEEEEEE I didn't do that!
I sure hope it's no biggy... I was just talking to Caitlin n she said her's is doing the same thing. So, hopefully it's a problem w/ MySpace, n that our accounts aren't actually deleted. I would be so mad if it did--all the HARD WORK! I don't think i could live w/o it! I'm such an addict! Well, I guess I'll just have to wait until after work to find out if they've fixed it or not.
I'll update on this later! Toodles!
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| Does n e one still use xanga?!?!....Or is it MySpace now?!
SO....hmm, this is awkward! ^_^ Long time no use! And out of the blue I decided to write on some kind of online journal. To tell you the truth, it's b/c I have nothing to do, but if u think about it, a few things have happened. So... if I haven't talked to u for a while, and u still read xangas, then let me tell u what's been going on here. Sorry if my layout makes my writing hard to read!
First, I got a new job? I'm not sure if I should be happy about this. I mean, my friend introduced me to this job. And I actually wanted this job especially since my FORMER job... well, i'm not sure if i still work @ Front Street-- didn't give me enough hours n they didn't even call me to schedule me! (They knew i'm back too!!! i showed up after i got back from the philippines!) n e way, I got a job in the Holiday Inn. I'm thinking this may be a good experience, especially b/c I've changed my mind about what college course I want to take. (tell u about that later) n e way, the reason why i don't feel very excited about it n e more is b/c my boss kinda freaks me out! I thought it was gonna be cool to work w/ a filipino, but i'm not sure if he'll be easier or stricter on me. Oh well, we'll see on Thursday, that's when he's making me start. Thursday is also when I'm taking my sr. pics hope i'll look alright!!! hahah!
Okie, so now about me wanting to change my college course: My parents and I have already decided for me to take Nursing. Which garantees me a prosperous life after college. I'm forsure that I'll get a nice job right after it, n e where in the country. But, I just have a change of heart. I really don't think I'd last in a hospital. Do i really want to spend my life there? I want to take HRM, which is Hotel & Restaurant Management. I really want to go to Kendall College. It's in Chicago, and it's like the top school to go into this kind of field. i want to be able to travel and live a diverse life. The problem lies w/ my parents.... I knew they wouldn't be happy when i told them about my idea and new dream. They told me I wouldn't live a good life. They know me better than I know myself. I'm willing to admit that i'm a very materialistic person...quite high maintanance w/ BIG dreams as well.... My rents told me I may not make a high income due to the fact that the industry i want to go in goes up and down-- "unlike nursing, which is extremely needed." <-- quote my rents. I understand what they're saying, but i do care about my happiness as well! so, i guess i'm leaving it up to whichever college accepts me.
Third news: Ever since I got back from the Philippines, i've been looking for an azn bf. Preferrably filipino or korean. Which is soooo unexpected! B/c i never wanted or liked azns b4! I always imagined myself in an bi-racial relationship. But ever since I got back, i got really homesick, n i felt like no one can understand me except my "kababayan."
A filipino guy that hasn't been corrupted or white-washed and have forgotten all about their roots and where they come from.
Or a korean guy like Lee Dong Wook's character from the kdrama My Girl-- or better, who LOOKS like LDW! Seriously, he's the cutest living speciman i have EVER seen! (He's the guy on my new background.)
Here's a short story, I've met one. I've met a filipino that could be a potential bf... but i have to cut it short. i'll write about him in my next entry! | | |
| The ReplacementI'm in a situation, where my life is pathetic, and the way I look @
things is humiliating. I'm constantly whining about where I stand as of
right now. As of wanting someone so
bad, but not doing anything to help myself, b/c of the fact that I know
we're too different. I keep pushing myself to believe that something-- anything,
will happen. That fate will bring us together... all I have to do is
wait. But that's exactly what I've been doing. And I hate being such a
firm believer of the saying "Good things will happen to those who
wait...." Especially since I've never had that experience, and I can't
back it up.
So, what do I do to make my life a little more interesting? I play
games, which ironically hurts me more than who I'm playing it w/. If I
can't get someone, then I go for someone else who will help me get my
mind off the previous guy. It's this unending cycle, where I always
feel like I have to find someone. Not necessarily to have a
relationship w/--b/c how often does that happen, but to make myself
believe that someone's out there waiting for me to just grow up. I feel
like I've matured well enough, even if I put this body suit as a 7 year
trapped in a 17 year old's body. I kno I have A LOT more to go
through... but I just want someone there to go through it w/ me. Here's
an oxi-mornan for you, I love being by myself, but I hate being alone.... It's so commercial, i know-- but that's exactly how I feel.
Tell me, does it make me a bad person if I find a person to replace
someone else? Such as... substituting someone you "love" for someone
you "like" b/c you're not sure if they feel the same way? And that
someone you "like" is frustrating you b/c you're not sure if they remotely feel
the same way. Even if he's just the replacement and you're not sure how
they feel, you assume that you're ending up w/ neither one.That's just
a simple example, I'm not in love... more in like.
Lately that's what I've been doing, and I don't feel horrible about it. That may make me a bad
person, but what if what you're doing is like an addiction. You know
it's bad, but you can't stop yourself... even if you try, u feel like
you're missing something. </3
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