| | The ReplacementI'm in a situation, where my life is pathetic, and the way I look @
things is humiliating. I'm constantly whining about where I stand as of
right now. As of wanting someone so
bad, but not doing anything to help myself, b/c of the fact that I know
we're too different. I keep pushing myself to believe that something-- anything,
will happen. That fate will bring us together... all I have to do is
wait. But that's exactly what I've been doing. And I hate being such a
firm believer of the saying "Good things will happen to those who
wait...." Especially since I've never had that experience, and I can't
back it up.
So, what do I do to make my life a little more interesting? I play
games, which ironically hurts me more than who I'm playing it w/. If I
can't get someone, then I go for someone else who will help me get my
mind off the previous guy. It's this unending cycle, where I always
feel like I have to find someone. Not necessarily to have a
relationship w/--b/c how often does that happen, but to make myself
believe that someone's out there waiting for me to just grow up. I feel
like I've matured well enough, even if I put this body suit as a 7 year
trapped in a 17 year old's body. I kno I have A LOT more to go
through... but I just want someone there to go through it w/ me. Here's
an oxi-mornan for you, I love being by myself, but I hate being alone.... It's so commercial, i know-- but that's exactly how I feel.
Tell me, does it make me a bad person if I find a person to replace
someone else? Such as... substituting someone you "love" for someone
you "like" b/c you're not sure if they feel the same way? And that
someone you "like" is frustrating you b/c you're not sure if they remotely feel
the same way. Even if he's just the replacement and you're not sure how
they feel, you assume that you're ending up w/ neither one.That's just
a simple example, I'm not in love... more in like.
Lately that's what I've been doing, and I don't feel horrible about it. That may make me a bad
person, but what if what you're doing is like an addiction. You know
it's bad, but you can't stop yourself... even if you try, u feel like
you're missing something. </3
|
| | Posted 2/27/2006 11:42 PM - 2 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- give stars
- votes0
- email
 - sent0
|
