| | It's been a while.Whoa. How long since i've written on this?! How long have I checked this site out?! Hmmm, i've been neglecting it. And now that I've got so much on me, i want to use it again. I know no one really checks xanga ne more... at least no one that i really know. which i guess is good.
Especially now when I've got specific problems. Everyone says that college is suppose to be amazing-- especially your freshman year... Um, I'm sorry, but I'm HATING it. It's not like I'm going to a school that I actually enjoy or picked out. I hate this school. Benedictine University is not the school for me. It's way too small, too conservative, and too-- GAHHHH! Just not me. The school's unorganized, and it's really giving me a hard time.
My parents knew i didn't want to go to this college-- and after rejecting my number one choice for them, i'm very unhappy. I can't really talk to ne1 too long about this, b/c i know they're getting fuckin annoyed.
Everytime i talk about this-- say online to myself-- or to someone else, i start tearing up. I hate this feeling, i'm not happy at all. And I wish I took this more seriously. I've got the brains, why didn't i look into better colleges.
I would give ne thing to switch outta the school. My other college choices are: Dominican University/St. Marys/ Lewis U/Rockford college/ elmhurst college/ st xavier u/ or illinois wesleyan u.
I've got a roommate situation too. It's not like we hate each other, but we just don't like each other. we'd be better off not being together. She's one of those ppl that are awesome to be w/, or to know-- IF YOU WEREN'T living together. I can't open up to her, i can't be "me." Whenever I see her i feel upset, like i'd rather be faaaaar from her. We both want new roommates, we both want one while our relationship is still "ok."
It's not healthy to be so unhappy. It's not healthy to feel like this. It's tarnishing my relationship w/ my friends and family b/c they're suppose to listen, right? but i feel like they don't. i miss high school-- which is funny b/c i couldn't wait getting out of high school. I think i had such high expectations for college that when it turned out like this i was VERY disappointed.
I want to get outta this hell hole NOW, but at the same time i'm thinking about the friends that i have actually made-- my friend Jenny, an international student all the way from China. I'm gonna miss her, and i'm sure she'll miss me, and be unhappy if i left.
The fact that I can't talk to boys ne more is pretty pathetic too. Like i have anxiety. And i'm jealous of all the girls on my floor, they all have a special someone. I'm lonely-- yes. But i don't think i want a bf... or a bf that goes to BenU. No not at all. the boys there suck.
It seems like now that i've lost weight, i lost my confidence too.
*sighs* ironic?!
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| | Posted 9/9/2007 12:25 AM - 0 comments
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