x_lilaznqt_x's Xanga

A Day in Chi-Town.

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 23:12:33 GMT

Just a little synopsis of what happened:

Dinner @ Chinatown: $10
Watching a some Portuguese guy sing and getting a chance to interview him: Free
Train ride home: $3.90

Trying to find the Union station from the cultural arts theatre, giving money to bums on the street while they said me & ryan looked like a great couple, and pretty much getting stranded in chicago till 12:40am-- all for my music class :::: PRICELESS.

---> Some things you just don't tell your parents-- and this is one of them. :x

It's been a while.

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 01:25:27 GMT

Whoa. How long since i've written on this?! How long have I checked this site out?! Hmmm, i've been neglecting it. And now that I've got so much on me, i want to use it again. I know no one really checks xanga ne more... at least no one that i really know. which i guess is good.
Especially now when I've got specific problems. Everyone says that college is suppose to be amazing-- especially your freshman year... Um, I'm sorry, but I'm HATING it. It's not like I'm going to a school that I actually enjoy or picked out. I hate this school. Benedictine University is not the school for me. It's way too small, too conservative, and too-- GAHHHH! Just not me. The school's unorganized, and it's really giving me a hard time.
My parents knew i didn't want to go to this college-- and after rejecting my number one choice for them, i'm very unhappy. I can't really talk to ne1 too long about this, b/c i know they're getting fuckin annoyed.
Everytime i talk about this-- say online to myself-- or to someone else, i start tearing up. I hate this feeling, i'm not happy at all. And I wish I took this more seriously. I've got the brains, why didn't i look into better colleges.
I would give ne thing to switch outta the school. My other college choices are: Dominican University/St. Marys/ Lewis U/Rockford college/ elmhurst college/ st xavier u/ or illinois wesleyan u.

I've got a roommate situation too. It's not like we hate each other, but we just don't like each other. we'd be better off not being together. She's one of those ppl that are awesome to be w/, or to know-- IF YOU WEREN'T living together. I can't open up to her, i can't be "me." Whenever I see her i feel upset, like i'd rather be faaaaar from her. We both want new roommates, we both want one while our relationship is still "ok."

It's not healthy to be so unhappy. It's not healthy to feel like this. It's tarnishing my relationship w/ my friends and family b/c they're suppose to listen, right? but i feel like they don't. i miss high school-- which is funny b/c i couldn't wait getting out of high school. I think i had such high expectations for college that when it turned out like this i was VERY disappointed.

I want to get outta this hell hole NOW, but at the same time i'm thinking about the friends that i have actually made-- my friend Jenny, an international student all the way from China. I'm gonna miss her, and i'm sure she'll miss me, and be unhappy if i left.
The fact that I can't talk to boys ne more is pretty pathetic too. Like i have anxiety. And i'm jealous of all the girls on my floor, they all have a special someone. I'm lonely-- yes. But i don't think i want a bf... or a bf that goes to BenU. No not at all. the boys there suck.

It seems like now that i've lost weight, i lost my confidence too.
*sighs* ironic?!

MYSPACE!!!

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 11:38:17 GMT

OH EM GEE! The worst thing possible that can happen to me...HAPPENED!
My MySpace account got deleted! I don't know how! It makes me soooo mad, b/c I know the only way you can get it deleted is if you do it yourself, or u post up nude pics... n i know FORSUREEEEEEE I didn't do that!
I sure hope it's no biggy... I was just talking to Caitlin n she said her's is doing the same thing. So, hopefully it's a problem w/ MySpace, n that our accounts aren't actually deleted. I would be so mad if it did--all the HARD WORK! I don't think i could live w/o it! I'm such an addict! Well, I guess I'll just have to wait until after work to find out if they've fixed it or not.
I'll update on this later! Toodles!

Does n e one still use xanga?!?!

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 18:22:52 GMT

....Or is it MySpace now?!
SO....hmm, this is awkward! ^_^ Long time no use! And out of the blue I decided to write on some kind of online journal. To tell you the truth, it's b/c I have nothing to do, but if u think about it, a few things have happened. So... if I haven't talked to u for a while, and u still read xangas, then let me tell u what's been going on here. Sorry if my layout makes my writing hard to read!

First, I got a new job? I'm not sure if I should be happy about this. I mean, my friend introduced me to this job. And I actually wanted this job especially since my FORMER job... well, i'm not sure if i still work @ Front Street-- didn't give me enough hours n they didn't even call me to schedule me! (They knew i'm back too!!! i showed up after i got back from the philippines!) n e way, I got a job in the Holiday Inn. I'm thinking this may be a good experience, especially b/c I've changed my mind about what college course I want to take. (tell u about that later) n e way, the reason why i don't feel very excited about it n e more is b/c my boss kinda freaks me out! I thought it was gonna be cool to work w/ a filipino, but i'm not sure if he'll be easier or stricter on me. Oh well, we'll see on Thursday, that's when he's making me start. Thursday is also when I'm taking my sr. pics hope i'll look alright!!! hahah!

Okie, so now about me wanting to change my college course: My parents and I have already decided for me to take Nursing. Which garantees me a prosperous life after college. I'm forsure that I'll get a nice job right after it, n e where in the country. But, I just have a change of heart. I really don't think I'd last in a hospital. Do i really want to spend my life there? I want to take HRM, which is Hotel & Restaurant Management. I really want to go to Kendall College. It's in Chicago, and it's like the top school to go into this kind of field. i want to be able to travel and live a diverse life. The problem lies w/ my parents.... I knew they wouldn't be happy when i told them about my idea and new dream. They told me I wouldn't live a good life. They know me better than I know myself. I'm willing to admit that i'm a very materialistic person...quite high maintanance w/ BIG dreams as well.... My rents told me I may not make a high income due to the fact that the industry i want to go in goes up and down-- "unlike nursing, which is extremely needed." <-- quote my rents. I understand what they're saying, but i do care about my happiness as well! so, i guess i'm leaving it up to whichever college accepts me.

Third news: Ever since I got back from the Philippines, i've been looking for an azn bf. Preferrably filipino or korean. Which is soooo unexpected! B/c i never wanted or liked azns b4! I always imagined myself in an bi-racial relationship. But ever since I got back, i got really homesick, n i felt like no one can understand me except my "kababayan."
A filipino guy that hasn't been corrupted or white-washed and have forgotten all about their roots and where they come from.
Or a korean guy like Lee Dong Wook's character from the kdrama My Girl-- or better, who LOOKS like LDW! Seriously, he's the cutest living speciman i have EVER seen! (He's the guy on my new background.)
Here's a short story, I've met one. I've met a filipino that could be a potential bf... but i have to cut it short. i'll write about him in my next entry!

The Replacement

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 00:42:18 GMT

I'm in a situation, where my life is pathetic, and the way I look @ things is humiliating. I'm constantly whining about where I stand as of right now. As of wanting someone so bad, but not doing anything to help myself, b/c of the fact that I know we're too different. I keep pushing myself to believe that something-- anything, will happen. That fate will bring us together... all I have to do is wait. But that's exactly what I've been doing. And I hate being such a firm believer of the saying "Good things will happen to those who wait...." Especially since I've never had that experience, and I can't back it up.
So, what do I do to make my life a little more interesting? I play games, which ironically hurts me more than who I'm playing it w/. If I can't get someone, then I go for someone else who will help me get my mind off the previous guy. It's this unending cycle, where I always feel like I have to find someone. Not necessarily to have a relationship w/--b/c how often does that happen, but to make myself believe that someone's out there waiting for me to just grow up. I feel like I've matured well enough, even if I put this body suit as a 7 year trapped in a 17 year old's body. I kno I have A LOT more to go through... but I just want someone there to go through it w/ me. Here's an oxi-mornan for you, I love being by myself, but I hate being alone.... It's so commercial, i know-- but that's exactly how I feel.

Tell me, does it make me a bad person if I find a person to replace someone else? Such as... substituting someone you "love" for someone you "like" b/c you're not sure if they feel the same way? And that someone you "like" is frustrating you b/c you're not sure if they remotely feel the same way. Even if he's just the replacement and you're not sure how they feel, you assume that you're ending up w/ neither one.That's just a simple example, I'm not in love... more in like.
Lately that's what I've been doing, and I don't feel horrible about it. That may make me a bad person, but what if what you're doing is like an addiction. You know it's bad, but you can't stop yourself... even if you try, u feel like you're missing something. </3

TURNABOUT! ....errm, didn't go!

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 22:24:51 GMT

So, last night was turnabout, and obviously-- by my title, i didn't go. Which, is no big d, cuz I was too chicken to ask ne 1 other than a friend, Jon. (Which btw, he couldn't go.)
Other than the fact that my dad was fixing the circut breaker, which left us w/o electricity for a few hours, I had fun going out w/ Steve and Jon. We went out w/o any plans, and drove around.
We had an exciting time going around ppl's neighborhood, including Nemo's. It was so thrilling.... We went around the neighborhood three times, first, Steve got out, to ding-dong-ditch, until Jon sped away--while the door was still open! Then the last time we went around, they parked 5 houses away and ran to his driveway writing messages in the snow. I had a feeling that what they were writing might reveal some "intimate" feelings, therefor I followed them onto the driveway. (I'm telling you, it took me forever trying to get out of that 2 door sports!) But, once I got to them, I was SO right! Steve had written: "I <3 Nemo!" Same w/ Jon, except he wrote "....-Camille" afterwards! I quickly erased it, and they ran back to the car. Oh-em-gee! I was so scurrred that some1 would see us, or look out the window. But, no one did-- seemed like no1 was home, even tho there was a lamp on.

After that, we went to visit Steve's sister, and then go to Target, cuz we smelled like smoke (from his sis' house) and I sprayed myself w/ those tester thingers.
Later, I went home, and Allex n Kyle visited me, and brought me some Strawberry Silk pie! Yummmmy! Way to end my non-dancing night!

BTW, Nemo wasn't @ the dance. ^_^ I was so bummed for a while thinking that maybe he did go-- and I didn't.

Mood: :angry: :censored: :bitter:

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 18:21:36 GMT

So, today is definately worth talking about....
Let's start out w/ the usual: I had a fricken test/ quiz for almost half of my classes!
[x] Spanish [ ] La Catrina quiz
[x] Alg2/Trig Tomorrow: [ ] 2nd part of Alg.
[x] Chem

Okie, now for my story (I put this on my away message):
So, I totally got molested today! I was walking to my 7th period class, in the science hallway, and while I was walking w/ Allex, I feel this hand rub just below my chest! I get a short glimps of this kid who looks like he's a soph. and then he keeps walking pass w/ his friend, and two steps away they laugh. I told Caitlin, and she was like "OMG! Camille! I was walking behind these two ppl and I over heard them talk about THAT SAME thing happen to them! Around the same passing period AND same hallway!" So, i'm POSITIVE that they were the same ppl. Seriously, I felt totally invaded! Maybe if I knew the guy, or if I liked the kid, I wouldn't have felt 'sexually abused.' (I'm sure I'm making it into a bigger deal than it was-- but it's sexual harrassment! I WAS FELT UP! I'm just soooo disgusted!
So, during 8th period, we were in orch. Getting ready for our rehersal for our concert tonight. (Which btw, went well!) I guess I was feeling flustered, and I wasn't looking where I was going, and the next thing I knew, I heard a crack. My friend, Mares was like "OMG, Camille!" And I looked down, I had just stepped on my violin, and freaken cracked the scroll! NOW my violin is 'un-playable,' and I had to use a fugly-ass rental for the concert. I think I take my violin for granted. I don't appreciate it enough to realize that I love my instrument! Okie, wtv, i'm not gonna get all HALLMARK on this.

Another thing: For a while I thought I was talking to my crush! I had IMed him, thinking: "Oh, he's offline... I just wanna see how it would be like if I wrote him a comment through AIM." And then I pressed enter and it totally passed as a message! I was freaking out! Then I figured, 'oh-em-gee... he was prolly INVISABLE.' Then an hour later, "he" IMed me back, and it totally sounded like a girl! She was asking me questions like "who are you?" or "how'd u get my sn?!" blah blah blah.... But, now I figured something out! Their sn's r similar! EXACT same name, except one letter was different! AHHHH! I see! So, now I gotta explain to the girl. Haha, makes me feel better!

Okie, LAST thing, i promise!: So, I haven't talked to Chris since this semester has started. I didn't even talk to him a lot since the school year started. He is such a user-- he calls me up and asks for a freakin' RIDE to go to the concert. I think my mom knows i am soooo over him, so now she's alright w/ him. GOSH! Perfect timing...huh?

But, I'm alright now! HOPEFULLY tomorrow would be a BETTER day! Wish me luck!
Toodles poodle!

xoxo

Turnabout anyone?!

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 00:42:01 GMT

Aight.... so, today was an exciting day for Allex and me! Actually, more for Allex!
I went to Allex's sometime after noon, to help her think of ways to ask this special someone to Turnabout. Finally we agreed on a really kyoooote way!
So, this is what happened:
Allex and I got dropped off at Dominick's to exchange over $20 worth of quarters, nickels, and dimes in those Coinstar's.
While we were at Dominick's, i figured, it would prolly be wise to find out if the guy's even working! I call Steve to get his phone number, but he was @ his dad's, then we called KT Jo, she didn't pick up her phone, then, i finally found Anna's number, and then called her. Anna wasn't home, but her mom picked up, so I asked her if she could check the kid's number. (Had to make up a story why I wanted it, cuz Allex didn't want to let ppl know unless the kid says "No.") Finally, Anna's mom gave us the number. We called him, first blocking my number, then no one picked up-- not even the machine, so I call him again, this time, not blocking my number. Same thing happens. So we took it as no one was home.
THEN we had to walk-- YES! WALK, through the snow, w/ no sidewalks, to Jewel, b/c her special someone works there! We buy a box of Lucky Charm's cereal-- cuz he's Irish, and a pack of markers to decorate her card. From what I remember, it went like this: "Will you be my Lucky Charm...(turn page) And go to TURNABOUT w/ me?!" <<< Then there was a sweet note written below. It was really cute, and then, we found him-- pretty easily, actually. I kinda backed off and "read" some magazines, while Allex went up to him during his break, gives him the Jewel plastic bag, w/ the Lucky Charms. I couldn't hear what they were saying, n then Allex's mom calls me, and I'm telling her what's going on through the phone-- and then I see them *HUG*!!! I figured he said yes-- n of course, I was right.
After all of this, we saw that Jewel had a Coinstar-- n that we didn't have to go to Dominick's at the first place! But, wtv... Allex was sooo happy, n super excited. They exchanged phone numbers, blah blah blah.
Read Allex's xanga if you wanna know the full details-- she'll prolly have more to say than four paragraphs!

So, I'm really glad Allex has a date for turnabout. Now, I have a group to go w/.... Although, still date-less. I don't want to go publicizing it, cuz i don't want to look too desparate!
The good thing about Allex n her boy, is that, they're friends, n they talk to each other--even if they don't have n e classes together! The thing about the person I want to ask, is that, we only spoke to each other when we had a class. Now we don't, n we still see each other during passing period, but it's not like we smile or talk to each other! We're not even friends! And I'm not friends w/ his friends, n he's not friends w/ mine! So, I do think it's going to be awkward if I were to ask him! Perhaps, if he shows me an obvious interest that he wants me to ask, then I will! Or, if he gives me a PERFECT chance, and if he was alone... n I was alone. I guess, if I had a better opportunity to ask, then why not-- right?! I'll see what happens, I'll try finding some "signs"
I've looked in the yearbook, and I can't find n e 1 that seems to interest me. I don't have n e friends outside of WNHS that I want to go w/ either! My co-workers--who, most r taken, r too old! So, I don't kno. If i do go, I'm planning to go stag, and just catch up w/ guys who are there. But, ironicly enough, my mom is encouraging me to ask someone! She keeps asking me if i've got n e ideas, or "who r u asking?" And I'm always like, "....uh, i think i'm going stag!" ahahah! WTV. I've got three weeks to ponder about this.

Bad start for a new semester....

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 21:33:21 GMT

So... to start off my semester, it's been dull. Let's see, it's the same routine, getting books, buying supplies, and getting the rules of the class room. And in some of them, we started on new vocab, or moved on to the next section... blah blah blah-- oh yeah! How can i forget? Some even gave us hmwk! <<<< I guess that wasn't that bad.... *bites lip*
Here's my schedule:
1) Spanish- Basista
2) RTE/DFP- Holland
3) Alg2/ Trig- Laufenberg
4/5) English- Coan
6) Amer. Gov't- Cann
7) Chem- Hancock
8) Orch- Halverson
I've got a friend in ever class... altho, most are more like...acquaintances. But, i can live-- i think. Last semester, Chemistry was my favorite subject, it was such a fun class. I guess this semester, it's just a bit boring. Every1 i kno is in 6th period chem w/ hancock! I would LOVE to be in that class! My chem class is soooo small, n it doesn't look too exciting. (Plus, my teacher has this belly pudge that keeps getting in my way!) WTV... can't change n e thing now.

So... I figured, since I had an okie day, i'd expect a great working day. Umm... wrong again! It was so fricken boring! Thank god I brought my spanish hmwk. The cool ppl that I use to talk to don't even talk to me n e more. That's kinda sad... but Nick, as actually been my buddy! It's cool, i guess. But, that's not the worst part! They're training a NEW girl to host! Candice.... Which is kinda ironic, b/c that's my alter ego's name! Whoa! But, yeah... I remember when i started out, I didn't like being the "new" kid. But, now that there's actually some1 else... i'm kinda worried. I mean, they'll cut back my hours to train her! I'm not even working Friday's and Saturdays as much ne more.... Just boring Wednesday-- when they don't even need a hostess! GRRRR!

Oh god, I wish tomorrow will be a better day!

CRUSHES

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 00:40:45 GMT

I think I've had a crush on almost every male co-worker I have.
Is that baaaad?!
FSC Boys
[x] Jacko ::: such a kyooote! TAKEN
[x] Chris ::: maybe-- kinda freaky tho. Like a rapist?! ^.-
[ ] GT ::: can't, TAKEN, n his gf is nice.
[ ] GK::: no thx.
[ ] Pat ::: no thx.
[ ] Mike ::: TAKEN -->engaged? ^.-
[x] Sean ::: TAKEN -->Married (to an azn!) still cute tho. (don't even remember if that's his name.)
[ ] Nick ::: ehh, not my type.

So, n e way, I wonder what makes me connect w/ the "regulars" @ the bar. The men lovvvve me! I'm thinking-- is it b/c i'm filipino?! Cuz, they make it seem like that's the reason. The twin brothers who own the barber shop across from the Cocina always talk to me n give me tips! He bought me a virgin margarita! (W/ the supervision of mommy dearest--ofcourse.) At first md was all like "be careful....blah blah blah." Like she didn't trust these men, i mean y would she? Then she met 'em, n she even cooked for one of them when he said he wanted this dish--Chicken Adobo. He didn't actually think my mom would cook him n e thing! Rick, i think that's his name, he's got a child w/ this women from Laos, n they all say that I look like his baby girl. (I must say, we have the same eyes) and he says things like "I hope she grows up EXACTLY like you!"
There's this other guy too, he's married to a filipino women he met back home. Now they have two kids. The girls are half flips n half whites. We always seem to relate everything we talk about back to the Philippines-- which i don't mind. If u know me, u kno i'm very proud of being what i m! I mean, today, this man-- (i don't even remember his name, i feel so bad.) He gave me $20, saying "belated merry christmas!" I didn't even do n e thing! Like, i didn't serve him n e drinks! I'm not old enough.... all i did was talk to him! (Sometime, i wonder if matt's jealous-- the bartender/my boss. Also, does he get annoyed of us always talking about the Phil?)
Another attribute they like is my *smile.* Well.. who could blame them?! ^_^ hee hee! JK JK.... But, it makes me happy knowing that these men appreciate me.
Although, seriously-- do they look @ me as another child? (Hope so, pls. don't be nasty n think of n e other way.) I mean, I've always gotten along w/ adults, just never this well. I wonder if i'd make a lot of $$$ bartending...hmmm.