so i figure nobody will be reading this. good.
I just want to put it up cuz it took alot of thought and time. and i dont' want to lose it. annonymous:
umm...one question.
why were you at our church today? because you have another church that you are a member of and i wanted to know why you were at FBCC today...not that it's a bad thing, it's just out of curiosity. ----------------------------------------------- so, for me. my church was a place i grew up at.
my dad dropped me and my sister off and said. GO. seriously.
i've never gone to chruch with the family. maybe for my baptism. im not even sure of that.
church has always been a sister and I thing. then we went to sunday school.
and we got baptised. confirmed. eucharist. confession. all those sacraments. but now that my sister has left for NY. I found myself driving to church. alone. week after week.
people there, very mundane. not too welcoming.
people i've known, but not people i share common traits and bonds with. nothing bad, just not people and not the place where i feel like i can and want to grow. nobody there really hits me the way people like sam talk. not once did anyone call me to wake me up for church.
3 people called me today. i haven't been goign to chruch all summer. i just never woke up. never wanted to wake up. too tired. didn't care about mass. and here i find myself actually being early goign to fbcc.. i talked to milton long about this, he told me "you know what, it doesn't matter waht you call yourself. catholic, christian, whatever. what matters is how much you love Jesus, and how much you love your brothers and sisters." i woudln't have woken up to go to my chruch today.
theres no will in me to go to ascension chruch. I feel like i've grown closer to God in two instances with two different groups of people.
first. without a doubt. I found my relationship with my friends at school. the ones i go on retreats with. the ones i see every day. the ones i swim with. second. it might be early to say. but i see my self growing more and more just by listenting, singing, and talking to you guys at fbcc. and with you guys. it can be week in and week out.
with my guys at strake. we're all not really focused on God. only through emmaus meetings and retreat meetings and retreats. I came to an agreement tongiht with my dad. after him talking, me talking back. him talking. me yelling. him yelling. me crying. me whatever. us coming to a resolution. He asked me waht i wanted. i told him i wanted to be able to sleep every night, knowing somewhere, i made a difference. that theres ONE person out there that i affected. by showing love for one another. Im gonna go to both chruches on sunday.
i really only decided to try fbcc out, week by week.
im just tryign to figure my life out. more so my spiritual life before i go to college, where it'll be harder to search out my spiritual life. I have people i want to talk to this about. a really good friend of mine at school. a priest at school. prob sam. Its just, i know my parents aren't the ones i want to talk to about, because they've never EVER been present in my spiritual life. im living it. week by week.
I have KAIROS. which im leading :)
(i found out friday. BALLIN) at the end of september.
thats gonna help.
my last senior retreat. I'm just a guy looking for answers. searchign for a relationship with God. finding waht i want. and trying to live the 4th. nothing out of the ordinary. | 
