Currently Listening Imagine By John Lennon see related

Because John Lennon Knew Everything.

i was recently in cape may, new jersey.
& there was a museum in honor of the legend.

probably the coolest thing i've seen in a while.

never knew he was an artist BEFORE a musician.
never knew people actually actively hated his art.
never knew a t-shirt could be so expensive.

but i loved it.
his lyrics on the walls.
his artwork.
it is just so...simplistic.
yet it hit me so hard.

it makes me wish life was the way John Lennon thought up in his head.
this world would be so much better.

Currently Listening Key By Son Ambulance see related

16 long days ahead.

poetry project for english

when we are adults
we miss our own youth
the worst to admit
it was the one time of truth
where worry did not enter our minds
we neglected to listen
our spirits were blind
of the hell we were in for

we'd emulate our elders
by putting on their ties
by mixing up batters
by telling white lies
it all seemed so simplistic
through our eyes at the time
but as it passed the vision grew sadistic

worrying of our futures
for our kids and building lives
the job we wish we interviewed for
fearing when the mail arrives
with hands full of unpaid bills
attempting to cheat death's toll
when the close ones all left us
there is no one to console

though seemingly captivated
the greatest challenge of them all
is the severity in which we face
when ascending from a fall
in adolescence one mends as quickly
as the bruise or scrape received
now cut deep into our very innocence
when our contentment be deceived

contradictory to our demeanor
we all just long to find
that remaining chance that hereafter
we'll have the time to rewind
through all the faults we met
and endless inhumanity contended
in order to return to the state of harmony
of irrevocable virtue now ended.

Currently Listening Seven Swans By Sufjan Stevens see related

too much at once, but i'll try to cover everything.

basically, i haven't been myself.
for a while now, really.

i keep finding myself in these trains of thought,
either running through all of the possible situations i could find myself in
[mostly bad...kind of hilarious, because a lot of them have happened],
or wondering why i think about half of the things that have been on my mind.
i'm not miserable. i'm not upset. i'm just over-processing my thoughts.

i avoid schoolwork at all costs. i'll know i have to do something, but i'd prefer to
drive around for hours in attempts to clear my head, seeing as i can't think clearly. my work piles up, and i know it will eventually need to be completed,
but frankly, i don't give a shit. i don't care, because i know what i'm doing as far as school goes. i wish i cared, but then i realize that i don't care about wishing i cared about it. try and figure that out.

instead, i write music like i won't have another chance to, but can't write words.
i have outlines for potentially good songs, and it makes me feel pathetic.
i know what i want to say, but i'm afraid to say it. i know what each song i've written is about, i have the concept in my head, i know how i felt when i wrote each one. i need inspiration. ooooor a lyricist.

half of the things that have happened to me in the past year could be made into a movie. i have so many stories.

some people change for no reason, and others just seriously need to change.


sleep is a joke. i don't get it, and once i find it, it's too late to bother. so i stay up late doing the most pointless crap i can think of doing. not homework, not studying...cleaning and cutting up magazines and writing things like this. sometimes i have people to talk to, but that's when the laptop is in my room, which it isn't supposed to be.

my teachers think that i'm a decent student, but they still don't know me.
they have no interest in pushing me. i need them to challenge me, or i'll keep dropping. i miss the time in my life where adults actually cared about what i wanted to be [or at least would pretend to]. when they forced me to answer questions. when people were disappointed in me when i didn't do my work. when i was respected for doing well on something i worked my ass off on. i feel like i need the pressure [not that i don't have any right now], only because i work so much better in situations with higher stress. i will, by any lengths necessary, get into a good college. no matter where it is. who knows what it's going to be for? i'm going to do what i love either way.

i plan on living abroad for at least a year of my life, i have decided.

i'm a fantastic sales person, and i will not be told otherwise.
i do NOT want to do this for the rest of my life though.
i'm not sure about what i want to be,
considering that what i'm good at won't be appreciated until i'm dead.
which is cool, but i need to find something for now.
but i have ideas about what i DO NOT want to be! :

1. a sales person for the rest of my life (in a clothing store, door to door, etc.)
2. an out-of-control drama teacher that assigns critical papers for minor classes and picks the DUMBEST shows possible and makes every t-shirt shit brown and shit green
3. a funeral planner
[...but at the same time, it might be a good job, considering it would be a lot easier to deal with death when it does come around. but, it could be emotionally draining from an experience that is supposed to be upsetting. something to think about...]
4. a housewife
5. a prostitute


i cut my hair and am completely satisfied with the outcome.

i love and hate where i am right now.
but the people in my life right now are just flat-out cool.

i've come to realize that i am a doormat.
i need to be more assertive, because i don't know when to say no.
i let everyone walk all over me. i thought it was okay at first, but now it hurts.
a lot.

i don't have time for self-interest.
because my entire life has been taken over by a demanding schedule.
a schedule that isn't even about what i actually want.
and i focus on pleasing everyone else constantly.
which is kind of ridiculous, considering the people i'm trying to please aren't going to try to help me in return.
i just want them to be happy.
i need a break. a REAL break. not an extended weekend.

maybe i'll have fun at prom? eh. maybe.

i love doylestown. i love getting lost in doylestown even more.

i need to run this week or i'm going to scream.

it should not be snowing on easter. it hasn't been this cold in april since 1970
[according to my grandmother].

i feel smart when it doesn't matter.
[3 AM, or during PSSA's]

this shows how focused i've been.
i don't even know what compels me to write about this.
i need something. i don't know what it is, but once i find it, everything will fall into place. everything is misaligned. close to where it needs to be, but not quite there. i'll find out soon?




well, i'm done.
hope your spring break was great.

Currently Reading Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto By Chuck Klosterman see related

v-day?

yeah. suck it.
<3caitlin