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| - half jacki'm not a bitch, i'm just blunt.
Current mood: aggravated
an excerpt of a conversation that DEFINITELY got me thinking :
blackskitzo: ppl who hate you , want to be like you x BR0KEN C00KiE: >_< why like me? i'm not that special. x BR0KEN C00KiE: even you used to hate me. x BR0KEN C00KiE: you used to believe what people said about me before really knowing me. =( blackskitzo:
yea the way ppl say it can be convincin . plus its kinda contagious ,
if your friends hate somoene you kinda start hatin them too , cuz they
always talkin about the neg things the person does x BR0KEN C00KiE: hahah.. and for some reason, that doesnt really rub off on me . . .? x BR0KEN C00KiE: if my friends hate them, they hate them.. theyre not me, so why should i? x BR0KEN C00KiE: they didnt do anything for me to not like them.. blackskitzo: well when all you hear are the neg. stuff , than yea ppl start hatin you and judgin u x BR0KEN C00KiE:
well bottom line: those fuckers don't benefit me in life whatsoever so
they can just take their all their stupid bullshit && shove it
up their fucking ass.
PMSing sucks ass... added with people's stupid comments...? grr.. BLAH.
i know. i'm paranoid. i do care what people say. i'm self-conscious. and i'm not sorry for being me. we live && learn. and if you dont like it, then fucking bite me, bitch.
better learn soon;; if you fuck with me.. i'll fuck you harder. | | |
| wo ai ni? pshh.boombox lalaLOVE: there's no such thing as the perfect guy boombox lalaLOVE: and just as there aren't any perfect guys, we're not perfect as well x BR0KEN C00KiE: i know i'm not perfect... at all. x BR0KEN C00KiE: like not even close.
boombox lalaLOVE: i don't know boombox lalaLOVE: maybe the reason why we try to look for the perfect guy boombox lalaLOVE: is because we want them to cover our imperfections? x BR0KEN C00KiE: maybe. boombox lalaLOVE: i feel just the same way as you boombox lalaLOVE: in fact, a lot of people do.
i'm taking a break off relationships. definitely.
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| if this is giving up, then i'm giving up.. on love.it's been awhile.. again.
so yeah. been myspacing && such.
things have been SO depressing lately... things have changed so much.
so yeah, i transferred schools... i have new friends.. but things still feel the same.
i've been doing a lot lately && it seems as if i've been going in the wrong direction.
i have so many excuses but maybe theyre not probable or good enough.... in a way; i'm so self conscious i guess and i wonder who talks behind my back... who is real to me && who isnt. after reading alex subowleski's (did i spell that right?) blog... i wonder if i am fake or if i'm real. i'm true to myself but then again, i wonder... who am i? i'm not the person i once was a year ago.... and me a year ago wasnt the exact person on who i was 5 years ago.. and so on....
so does that consider me fake?
a lot of things have happened to me.. A LOT since high school started - from appearances to outlooks&perspectives on things such as questions "why?" "when?" "who?" "what?" and even life itself.
every day is another mystery.. i hate living life predictable and yet i wish i knew what i'd be like 10 years from now. i always see both sides on things now...and it bothers me.
like... there's this one thing going on and people tell me shit... and i'm like, i want to take the risks.. but then again i dont. i want to feel the pain but i'm afraid of the outcome.
what the fuck. i confuse myself.
maybe europe IS the best thing for me right now.
i need to stop thinking so much..
who wants to go to europe with me?
...no, seriously. who? | | |
| life.. a complex bittersweet bliss...so beautiful isnt it? -sigh- 
i'm such a weird child. x . broken . cookie. =] | | |
| hey.. been awhile. okay so here's what's been up.
i started school again. what fun. met a lotta brand new people who are
just oh so awesome. and then i just found out yesterday was 911. how
stupid am i?? anyways i ran a 104 fever this weekend and was happy
though.. because of glen/hiro. like i never felt so comfortable around
someone before... he's great. <3 fine. call me obsessive but i
REALLY like him. school's been great. people are just dandy. and life
has been so sweet.
i get so sick and tired of bullshit coming around.. usually i cause it
but i never mean to and it just pisses the fuck outta me. i had a
bullshit today. my parents. they suck. im pissed. i wanna die. maybe
it'd be better. yeh it prolly would be. im stupid. i dont deserve to
live. im emo right now. depressed, yes. people suck. im fed up. i hear
them complain. but they dont even wanna BOTHER listening to me. because
they think i'm 'ashame' well guess what, too bad. they made me this
way. and all i can do is keep silent. live my little life. be THE
asian. well psh.. im not close and i'll never will be.
i keep wondering if everyone living.. if i'm living... if it's all just
a dream. there's no logical explaination for feelings, for thoughts..
it just happens. and then there's lies and a scapegoat in every
problem. so much negativity. why? cuz people just suck. they just do.
there's no logical explaination for that either, see? i keep
wondering...
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