things have been SO depressing lately... things have changed so much.
so yeah, i transferred schools... i have new friends.. but things still feel the same.
i've been doing a lot lately && it seems as if i've been going in the wrong direction.
i have so many excuses but maybe theyre not probable or good enough.... in a way; i'm so self conscious i guess and i wonder who talks behind my back... who is real to me && who isnt. after reading alex subowleski's (did i spell that right?) blog... i wonder if i am fake or if i'm real. i'm true to myself but then again, i wonder... who am i? i'm not the person i once was a year ago.... and me a year ago wasnt the exact person on who i was 5 years ago.. and so on....
so does that consider me fake?
a lot of things have happened to me.. A LOT since high school started - from appearances to outlooks&perspectives on things such as questions "why?" "when?" "who?" "what?" and even life itself.
every day is another mystery.. i hate living life predictable and yet i wish i knew what i'd be like 10 years from now. i always see both sides on things now...and it bothers me.
like... there's this one thing going on and people tell me shit... and i'm like, i want to take the risks.. but then again i dont. i want to feel the pain but i'm afraid of the outcome.