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Thursday, October 02, 2008

its pretty much useless to be writing anymore.. none of you girls make any sense. twisting words around saying our friendship doesnt mean much anymore? well first, you told someone that you "cant" be my friend because of what i did.
if that's' the case then honestly i wouldn't want to be a friend with someone like you.. why would i want to be someones friend that talks all this smack? it's my feelings, i dont understand why both of you have to interfere for and make such a big deal?
hurts hearing " eww, im about to vomit " " grossed you out" "sick" saying you didnt care how much you cared about me and saying its out of line...

- "i'm about to straight up vomit!"
hahahaa, mygoshh (:

- " GROSSSSSSS.
inside joke much ? =] "

it's my feelings here.. remember that. theres a billion people out there.. im not going to sit here and waste my time to be someones friend that says stuff about me like that. remember what you guys started.

im tired of it.

today i got 3 wisdom teeth pulled.. ive been lagging it. i never really go to the dentist besides my daily half a year to a year teeth clean up. ive been lucky my teeth have been growing right and looking good. but... wisdom teeth is another story. my top two has been hurting my gums once in a long while... so i had both of those 2 removed... what surprised me was when the x-ray came out my bottom wisdom tooth grew sideways! so that was the hard one to take out. my dentist had to break that day into 4 pieces.. well i got numb shots and the process didnt take too long. it wasnt that bad.. but i guess it started hurting after the numb shots went away. the bottom teeth was so hard to take out that they had to stitch me back up. i didnt get any medicine till 3 hours later cause walmart pretty much sucks. i was in so much pain when i didnt take the medicine... the whole 3-4 hours i was still bleeding.

yes everything happens for a reason. im starting to believe in karma.

i never got to explain why i feel this way about her.. this isnt about proving myself to anyone. it's just explaining how i feel about this person and what i see in her.

yes she may be young. never in time was there intentions of being anywhere intimate. first 2 parties i saw her and met her i never talked to her till after the 2nd party. just ppl add each other on myspace and conversations start from there. but that wasn't what brought my attention to her. as we first hung out. i realize what troubles and problems she has been through just by looking at her. we can sit down and talk to each other like no other. she's a very chill type of person. doesn't expect to go out. but yet the laid back .... park/home type of girl. i never laid at the park with someone just talking to her about things. it's the lil things. she understands me when i talk to her. ever since the first day we went out.. we saw each other for over a week straight.. first 3 times she cried over our conversations. it makes me feel like i am someone, that my words mean something to her. she understands me and i understand her. when we cuddle and play with each other, she drives me insane. (the happiest way possible) i look up to jason/kittys relationship all the time. i love the way they play and laugh all the time. i always wanted that... i never really got that until i spent time with her. during these past couple of days, yes it has been hard not seeing her.. yet im crazy enough to drive to her place just to see her for literally 10 seconds. just to get a kiss and a hug from her. a kiss and hug has never been as meaningful as it did yesterday... it sucks not able to do things as we did before when she had more freedom. but we learn to live with it.. thats what makes us stronger cause our feelings grow and i miss her more each n everyday..

life.. this past year ive learned so much. yes i felt like i never wanted enemies, yes i feel like i wanna be drama free. friends, they come and go. they made me realize there's alot of shady people out there. i thought friends can just be friends. but that's not the case. i rather be happy with one true friend that a dozen friends who you think are friends. drama.. it happens to everyone, but i learn to deal with it the first day and try to let it past me after. i learned not to take life for granted.. i have a job, i have a home, i have parents. look at other people out there... they have it 100x worst than us. no homes, no food, no parents. i learned this is life. we all have problems. we take those problems and learn from it... time is precious, no one's guaranteed another day.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

am i really different just because i'm dating someone who i have feelings for? i cannot stop what i feel. i cannot believe people think of me differently.. saying im a complete different person just because of my actions on love. if people really do care about me, they would support me in every way. they cannot determine what is wrong or right on MY own love life. you never met her, you dont know her, you havent seen us together... and yet you go talking?

people dont have the right to judge, nor say anything about anyones love life... everyone feels different about certain things/people. weather you know me or not... it doesn't matter anymore. you never had the right to say the things you did. disgusting. gross. sick. whatever word you have for it....

the question is how am i different from before? i am still the same person i was before.
i know exactly what im doing, exactly what my standards are...

i honestly didn't want to write back or reply to this cause i usually don't want to deal with things like this...
but im done. i dont need this in my life. hearing you say you don't want to be a friend cause what im doing? then oh well, it gets you no where.... yeah tell people im dating a 15 year old. tell people u dont want to be a friend anymore because of this... i honestly wouldn't want to be your friend anyways if this is the case.

if people are going to judge me for what my feelings are, then so be it. i dont need this in my life. there's other things in this world that you should be worried about. i don't need to hear you out anymore..love comes in all packages... big or small... ugly or hot....old or young ... i'm happy for my decisions. im happy im with her.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

..no title...

yea it's true..
as i first met her for the first two times, there were no conversations.. until i actually started to text her. then things became different. if you were to meet her you would not expect her to be the age is she. i was surprised myself when i first found out. yes it bugged me in the beginning knowing that its quite an age difference.. but honestly does it matter to me now? no... ive found myself laughing and being happy when i spend time with her. she doesn't take things for granted and is thankful for every little thing i do for her. sometimes i feel like im expected to do things in my past relationships, but when im with her things are just different. i never got a thank you from someone so many times.. i never seen a girl cry just for the little thing i do for her... i feel comfortable talkin about her to anyone.. i feel comfortable being around her with anyone.
i don't care what others think... everyone has their own opinion. surprisingly i didn't see it coming from you
it's just a number.

thanks for being so understanding.. i hate hurting people and i've never gave you a chance. but deep inside you are a great girl and i know in the future someone will take care of you and make you happy.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

my birthday!

so yesterday 9.9.08
was josh hoge's cd release. i called every where possible that has his cds... none...

so today on my birthday.. i went to work then got off pretty early and i took a nap.
after the nap i stepped outta my garage and there i see this big asssssssss drawing in chalk happy 22nd birthday to me. ill update later with a pic! i didn't know the whole day who drew that... and still kinda clueless. but after jason, kitty, chris, jenny, joannie, macy, and priscilla went to the roxy in hollywood to see my idol josh hoge perform! he opened up for kate voegele. ohhh man was it awesome! i got his cd there and got it signed by him along with some pictures i took with him again. he actually remembered us from the last concert! how awesome is that? kate voegele, i never heard her songs, but damn was she hot performing!

at the concert we also saw...
nikki flores.. .well i already knew she was gonna be there. shes so hot. i got a picture with her too!
stephen from laguna beach... its so cool seeing someone from a mtv drama there.
elliot yamin.. .well i didnt see him but joannie and kitty did. (he was at the last concert with josh hoge performing at the roxy too)

what a day :]
now i can't wait till saturday!

Monday, August 25, 2008

work

im currently at work right now. my computer has been down for the past week or so. so i havent really gotten a chance to go online except on my sidekick. There's something wrong with my hard drive. so lately ive been super busy...
cause i got promoted! im currently going out for sales. it's very tiring. mondays i drive around LA, long beach area. Tuesdays i work from 7 o clock in the morning till about 8pm. I have to go to san diego on tuesdays. then wednesdays i have to go to riverside area.

i got a TC from the company since i have to drive everywhere... so i guess that'll be my weekday car.
my s is almost done with what it needs.. im pretty satisfied now. even though im literally broke. it's very sad.

random stuff:
- Kim Kardashian & lance bass is going be on the next dancing with the stars everyones going be watching just cause kim is going be on that show! haha.
- for some odd reason i wanna go on a roadtrip!
- school starts next week. imma try to add a class since i couldn't get in.
- my birthday is coming up! like in 2 weeks almost!
- josh hoges concert is on my birthday. must watch.
- josh hoges cd release is a day before my birthday. must get.