money has pretty much ruined my life.
it seems as if everytime someone needs help - my friends or my family, i'm always there. even if i don't have the financial backing that i need to do it, i'll put myself deeper in the hole in order to help someone else. i've done it quite a few times for a few different people and it seems like whenever it comes time to help me...no one gives a shit. NO ONE.
my mom has been living with me free of charge forever now and since the bills aren't getting paid and i'm asking for money, she's ready to bounce. when i let johnny borrow $2000 and pay me $200-400 a month until it was payed off, we were cool. now, he can't even fucking call. when i've blown countless amounts of money on various people instead of buying shit for myself when i needed it...are those people around to help me when i'm broke as fuck? nope. i'm pretty sure i don't see anyone.
money is making me cold. i have such a huge heart when it comes to helping people but no matter what i do, i cannot get any help in return. i'm about to say fuck it and stop giving a shit about everything. i don't like to talk shit about my mom because of her health but she's just as bad, if not worse, than everyone else who has ever fucked me over. yeah, she is worse. i can forgive her for leaving me when i was seven and let her live here like nothing ever happened...but she can't help me with the bills? fuck that.
NO ONE is EVER getting my help, financially or emotionally, ever fucking again. if i ever win the lottery, none of you mother fuckers are getting shit. if i ever get a huge chunk of change for whatever reason, watch me spend it all on my fucking self. if i have an opportunity to do something that i want to do even if you disagree, fuck you, i'm doing it anyway.
people have no effect on me anymore.
seriously, fuck all of you. actually, no...i'm going to thank all of you. thank you for opening my eyes and making me realize that you're all a bunch of fucking selfish scumbags and i should be more like you. fuck being a good person, i'm going to be an inconsiderate, cold-hearted, careless, money-hungry bitch like the rest of you. thanks to you...for making me realize that buying jeans is more important than paying the mortgage.
silly fucking me. | 
