not like obsessive or anything and not like I wanna actually date north carolina, but i wanna live there. I already decided I wanna go to High Point for school. I went there over spring break, got back today and absolutely loved it. There's alot to do, and the school isn't too far from a couple major cities. Plus I can totally see myself there for 4 years. It's not too big and has everything I want. I'm sykeddd, and wanna go right now. I mean cmon, they have a freaking ice cream truck that drives around campus and the dorms are freakin' amazinggg.

Those are all the minor details. The trip generally got me thinkin' about where i'm gonna be in less than 2 years. It really got me excited, because honestly I was alittle scared. Now I can't wait to go, which I'm definitely relived about. Growing up can be hard and scary, but if you really enjoy or look forward to something, growing up can be the best part of your life. And now I can't wait until I go off to school. There are other reasons involved, but yeah, I really can't wait to pack up and go. Just to see where I end up =]

Not just the red ones but all high heels. Why is that when women wear them they suddenly are "sexy" or "long-legged"? I naturally have semi-long legs, that make me not too tall, just average height, but I refuse to wear high heels. They make me taller than the guys, and not that there's anything wrong with that, but I just feel awkward. So when I insist on wearing flats instead, it's like "oh, she's wearing flats". And I don't get the "nice shoes" comment made to me, just because I'm not lifted up off the ground.

Another thing about them, the clicking. The click clack of the heels on wooden or tile floors. I don't know what it is, but it's kind of obnoxious unless everyone else is wearing high heels. Maybe it's because whenever my mom stomps around in hers I know something is up. That could be it. But even so, when I hear the clicking I just know theres so cladly dressed girl or woman walking around strutting her stuff. Sometimes I wish I was her, dressing fashionably, even though by looking at her she'll never wear that same outfit twice. She's sophisticated, and us flat shoe wearer's are...not.

It looks professional at work, at the office and what not. But I have worn them before, and they hurt. Why put yourself through the pain, just to appear an inch or two taller? I'd rather walk on my tippy toes, then squish my feet in the toes of a high heel shoe. Wearing bandaids over the sore spots look horrible anyway. Good luck with the sore feet, it takes forever for them to heal. I feel for you girls.

The one reason I find high heels useful is either watching a man wear them or a small child. Both are unusually uneasy while walking whether they think so or not. It looks funny. Whether the man is a cross dresser or trying to be funny, it's entertaining and no one can hold in a laugh. Kids are even better though, especially the little girls playing dress up, in mommy's shoes. I was one of those girls and very proud of it.

Whether they're stilettos or the common work heel, leave them home if you can, you'll yourself from the suffering later. Save them for your kids or future kids to play dress up in, or husbands and boyfriends. haha. And I really can't believe I wrote a whole entry about high heels, but whatever I'm not the one who took time to actually read it. Like you did. =]

Why do I feel alone? I really shouldn't. I exchange smiles with everyone, even people I don't know. I talk, am outgoing when I feel like it, and laugh constantly. So what's the problem? I feel like no one relates to me anymore. I'm different from everyone around me. And I know how everyone strives to be unique, but this unique-ness doesn't feel very positive. It feels more like a lonliness.

So what if I'd rather read, then goof off in class? Is it really enough of a big deal to ask me why I read? Does it bother you that I read rather than talk, or even do some homework. Does it change your perspective of me? I normally don't care what other people think, but I don't like feeling like a slight outsider. All the friends I've lost over the years. What the hell happened? Did I scare them away?

Is there something wrong with me?

I hope I'm not so different that I've changed from who I was, to cause my friends to go away. I'm down to a few close ones, which I love so much, and of course my bestest friend. He keeps me sane when I get these thoughts and feelings in my head. I wish I could push these pessimistic thoughts away, but I always seem to need his help. So thanks batman =] (you should know who you are).

Look there's another smile. But yet I still feel lonely, in a way, not extremely, but I do. Maybe it's because he's not here, and I wish he was. Maybe I'm too different from everyone, I really don't know. I wish I did.

I think I need a hug...