xnyCs_janee's Xanga

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 00:21:57 GMT

Overwhelmed. Must not quit. Must win. Must must must...

Goals I set aside

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 01:49:11 GMT

_95+ average .. ?
_95+ in spanish/english/digital darkroom
_90+ in soc/psych
_90 in physics/math
_lose 592304384 lbs. realistically, 20lbs should do. LOOOOOOONG way to go. I lost two after a week
_learn converting everything before monday for the quiz.

basically short-term/long term goals haha =D

Why can't he understand?

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:38:06 GMT

I had another fight with my dad today.
I truly am sorry -- but only for ignoring him when he asked me a question.
My dad and I fight all the time, especially over stupid things. Like yesterday, we fought because of cablevision. I love my dad tremendously, and I have no doubt that it's the same for him. But he and I are on COMPLETELY different levels.. it's quite disappointing sometimes... Well, today we fought because of the garbage. I HATE taking out the garbage, I really do. It involves me having to change because I will always run into someone and they always start a conversation with me Today was just like any other Saturday, I woke up EXTREMELY late and started cleaning my room. Then he told me to go throw out the garbage -- and we argued about 5 minutes on who should throw it out. I KNOW FOR A FACT everyone thinks "it's just a garbage, why don't you just do it", but it doesn't really work like that. But whatever I gave in and changed and went into the kitchen to grab the garbage and throw it out. But on my way out I poured some water in a pot and put it on the stove. Then he asked me what I was doing and I foolishly chose to ignore him. He kept on asking (and I kept ignoring him) and when I was half way to the door he blew up on me. He took the garbage out of my hand and threw it accross the kitchen "DON'T THROW IT OUT I WILL DON'T TOUCH IT DON'T EVER DO ANYTHING EVER AGAIN" I bet he thinks it's cause I disrespect him or something -- I suppose it is in a strict Asian family. But it's not that. I can't really explain it... Just some of the ways of my dad.... But I have never seen my dad so upset nor have I known that he knows how to yell like that. Pretty bummed that I had to be the one to find out I really am regretting it right now. If I can rewind an hour, I would've thrown it out before he asks. And I had NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO right to EVER disrespect my dad like that and I know I've made a scar on his pride. I don't know how to undo this, I began having a flashback of all the things I've done wrong to my dad. I wish he'd slap me so I can just get rid of this feeling. But he'd never ever do that -- no matter how mad he is, and that just makes me even sadder and sorrier. I deserve to die. Mom will be coming home in about an hour and she too will be very mad at me for treating my dad like that. I REALLY DO DESERVE TO DIE!

But as for school, it's pretty fun. Although I feel very overwhelmed with APs and.. math class... I'm sort of glad I'm not in the city anymore. My psych teacher is cool and I don't really have much hw... But it is indeed junior year and.. Yeah. Pray for me

Some Days

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 21:18:01 GMT

I just want to call it quits.
Also, I am a failure.

Olympics

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 23:54:06 GMT

As of yesterday the Beijing Olympics 2008 has ended and I must say that watching the Olympics was quite interesting.

First of all, China was beast when it came to diving/gymnastics. But the girls who participated in gymnastics made me wonder if they're really 16. I know I don't look 16 either but I also know I don't look THAT young. Girls looked like they were 13 or 14, max. Also, they had really funky eye make-up. Lol. Other than that, their performances was extraordinary. Just when I thought China would be sweeping all gold medals for girls gymnastics, Shawn Johnson (USA) finally took gold. Diving for China was amazing because nobody did what they did. I wished I was Chinese :)

Secondly, Michael Phelps was like a fish in the water. He takes in 12,000 calories a day. :O!! He won his goal of eight gold medals which is extraordinary. Also, Phelps has a nice body. When I saw him swimming, I really thought he was defying the laws of physics because I did not think it was possible. But what was MORE amazing (to me anyway, hah) was South Korea's swimmer Park Tae-Hwan who won gold in men's 400m freestyle and silver in men's 200m freestyle. He is only of age 18 and he reminds me of a sheep. However, his swimming abilities did not take him too far because he didn't make finals for men's 1500m freestyle -- and I was really looking forward to it.

Thirdly, I think this should have been under my "first of all" but anyway, South Korea took gold for baseball. It wasn't by sheer luck because they had won every preliminary game as well as the semifinals. They overcame the obstacles of Japan, the USA, and Cuba. Because there will always be some asshole who says "OH THEY WON BY LUCK", they proved that it was NOT luck by winning each preliminary round. I was afraid to watch the games because they had been pwn'd by Japan each baseball game, but the tables finally turned. They faced Japan TWICE, and won each time. (5-3) , (6-2). They beat Cuba (3-2) in the final game.

Fourthly, Weightlifting and Badminton was pretty interesting. Jang Mi-Ran of South Korea proved to be the world's strongest woman by breaking the Olympic/World records. There was nothing special about Badminton but I had to mention it because Lee Yong-dae who won gold for Mixed Doubles, was extremely cute. He even winked at the camera, "It was for my mom" but I still strongly believe it was for me.

Lastly, Archery, Handball, Tae Kwon Do. As for Archery -- South Korea took gold in many tournaments, which they had for the past 24 years (men and women) but this record was broken by China's archer in women's individual who had handed South Korea the first silver medal in a very long time. Handball made me kinda teary In Athen's 2004, I believe we had to take silver or bronze after losing gold to Denmark. I really thought it'd be different this time because I knew how hard they had all worked. They even made a movie about it and it was a total tear jerker. However, in Beijing they lost to Norway in the semi-finals and took bronze. My dad told me that Tae Kwon Do had a limit of only four players from each country being able to enter the games. I had a "wtf" face when he told me that but it did not matter when they took all four gold medals in each event they entered.

In terms of medals standings China came in first(51), followed by USA(36). South Korea came in seventh(13) which was beyond what people expected(Tenth). And it was pretty good considering the fact that they participate in a limited number of events. But I am EXTREMELY impressed by China and their 51 gold medals/Michael Phelps and his 8 gold medals in one event. DAAAAAAMN! As much as I like gold medals, the Olympics make me kinda sad. Gold, silver, and bronze does not weigh up to in any way, the amount of effort each participating athlete put in. So it's sort of unfair. In a way. But it's only a game

ANYWAY, I am a no-life for typing this up but I wanted to savor these moments. In my own life, I am starting junior year and I'm scared for my life. I'm ready but I'm still scared. I don't want to end up living in a box. It's going to be a busy year since I will have to juggle with my schedule. I'm only taking three APs, (compared to some kids that are taking five and six) but currently deciding on dropping one of them because I am very incapable in many ways. YAY! So I guess this entry in general, had nothing to do with my own life. Lol.

Stupid Things.

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 00:59:34 GMT

There are many stupid things in the world like people. I don't know what's with some of them, they think they can come and go as they please. SO RETARDED AND LAME. CAUSE I DON'T NEED THAT. I REALLY DON'T. I'D RATHER NOT TALK TO OR SEE SOME PEOPLE EVER AGAIN. Ugh, it brings out the monster in me and I really don't like that :( It's not good for my skin. Things have not been going my way, again, and I'm not even surprised anymore. I guess Eunice was right, people in the world eventually screw you over. At least school will start soon and I don't have to put up with this bullshit for too long. HOPEFULLY, they'll be too busy with their lives and never talk to me again. Seriously wtf, ugh. Way to ruin my day. No matter how optimistic I try to be, assholes will always occupy 70% of the world and not even superman can save the world from that. The scarier part of all of this is that most assholes know they're assholes, but they don't change either. It's like they think their asshole-ness makes them superior over everyone else. Or that they make complete sense. When the really don't. Am I making sense?

But then I begin to question why I even let them or the individual get to me. If I don't respond to their asshole behavior or reply to their conversations, maybe I wouldn't be this frustrated. Perhaps it's me that's being retarded. But I also think I know why I react to them. It's because I am not of asshole nature and to prove that I am more patient and understanding than they are. For example, if I haven't seen an ex or an old friend for two years and I see him/her next to me while I am waiting for the train, and IF they start the conversation FIRST, I'd reply like I've been keeping in touch all this time. But inside I'd be like "Okay, wow you're mad strange." In conclusion, I am the strangest person ever and perhaps more scarier because I keep all the things that make me mad to myself. Sometimes I envy bitchy girls because they say what's on their mind... When it's on their mind. Not vent it all out on xanga later.

Now that I started talking about all the negative things about me, I will move on with people from school. Not exactly assholes, at least not most of them, and most of them was raised with everything they wanted. Now the difference between us would be the fact that I don't like to act like a snob. Yeah. 8)

Well on the brighter note, my acne has definitely cleared up and I sort of started my back to school shopping. And I am ready for the new school year.

Since When?

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:15:51 GMT

Since when was being stupid and having "blonde moments" so cool and cute? It is probably the dumbest thing I've witnessed by far. First of all, I don't know why they're called "blonde moments". Why "blonde"? Why single out one form of hair color? Secondly, being dumb is one thing. I completely understand because I am not that brilliant myself. But what's really strange is that all these people, particularly girls (cause when guys do it, it's even more homo), are actually smart. Book smart. Now I know that being book smart does not mean you that you don't suck at life. But it also means that you're not retarded. So when a technically smart person goes "huhhh? whattt? I don't get it... OHHHHH haha blonde moment HAWHAWH!!11a2q111!" I really don't understand. Perhaps it's just me, they might think I'm the one being strange. Some people might even think I'm being a hypocrite because I act stupid sometimes. But it's different. Cause I KNOW they know what they're doing, it's just they act stupid for the hell of it. And girls get a lot more .. uh .. sluttish(?) when they enter high school. And it's all "oh I love you, you skankhoe!" Do they say that cause they know?.. Or cause its so "fetch"? <-- HAHA mean girls. That movie was quite funny. I didn't realize it at the time because I was in the 6th grade when I watched it and I really didn't give two flying damns about the stuff they talked about in the movie. But when I watched it again a couple years later, everything in the movie is surprisingly true. Maybe that's why it's so funny. Maybe some girls act slightly challenged because of their need for attention from guys. Like Lindsey Lohan in the movie. She was book smart but she acted stupid so that guy would teach her math and stuff. Later in the movie she actually does begin failing classes and stuff. I guess the moral of that story is don't act stupid because that stupidity eventually catches up with you. On a side note, why do guys like stupid girls? Also, I have the dumbest/lamest xanga username ever. I cannot believe I was gay enough to make this a username years ago. Way to let everyone know where you live.

Hard work.

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 23:03:00 GMT

Doesn't pay off.

And yet another day.

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 16:55:35 GMT

And yet another day began and I cannot wait till school begins again. I will forget EVERYTHING else other than studying. I will be too busy to like or miss anything/anyone. But that's still just what I wish would happen. I miss being busy. I miss complaining that my AP class is too hard and that my chem teacher gives too much homework. I kinda miss being sleep deprived and having rings under my eyes, and people asking me if I need to throw up. I also miss being on facebook instead of doing homework. Lol. Each day kind of goes by slowly but when I look at the year as a whole, it went by real quick. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up and I have yet to discover the type of person I am. I wish I knew myself a little better. Everything stopped being fun. I have maaaaaaaaaaaaaany years ahead of me but when I turn a year older, I long to be a kid again. A kid kid. Haha.

On the less serious note, uhhhh I need to cut my hair, or trim it at least. It's at the end of my back, sort of. My mom keeps complaining that my hair clogs her vacuum. I last cut it in October and I think all my nutrients from food goes to my hair. I want to get a perm but you lose mad hair like that. I don't want to lose hair :( I also have a guilty pleasure kinda thing... I love ferrero rocher. LOL. That stuff is horrible when A) you're on a diet. B) you have bad skin. C) It's just not healthy. My stomach is calling for food but I can't feed it. I am faaaaaaaaaaat. And I have thunder thighs :( And tornado arms. Booooooo. Heh, maybe I'll join track next year.

Still struggling.

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 23:01:52 GMT

I'm still struggling over the same daily routines. Getting up, staying up, studying, remembering what I studied, eating, studying, going back to sleep -- all seem like hassles to me. Slowly but steadily the some-what of an overachiever I was is disappearing. Time goes by extra slower in the summer for some odd reason I'll never know of. Things are pretty repetitive and I still get yelled at for the same reasons. Sometimes I think my mom is irrational. She's great and all but when she's mad she makes no sense. Is everyone like that? It's like I woke up late so she yells at me to go walk my dog. I obey and get up and head to the bathroom so I can wash up and walk my dog. Then she tells me not to wash up because washing up won't change my face. I mean, seriously, does SHE wash her face to look different? CLEANER does not mean DIFFERENT. Caroline has been asking why I use the word "irrational" so much these days but that's only because every important person in my life seems to be so. After almost a year I still feel like I'm not settled yet. As if this place is temporary and my home is back there. Well, this is my home now. Whenever I want to type "home" I end up tying "homo". =( I went to morning glory the other day with Rebecca to buy a HIGH LIGHTER that was ONE DOLLAR but I ended up spending ten bucks. TEN BUCKS! Thank God today is Sunday, I only have two dollars under my name. I was on Lexington for some reason which I wish I remembered, and I found a Container Store. I bet they only sell containers :O How cool is that? LOL I was so fascinated by it, but I kept walking. I need a new box because I have more cards. Lol, I'm such a dorkus =( Why didn't anyone get me a box for my birthday?! Not like a plain brown one but like.. pretty ones? Haha. Damn, I'm really lame.