yooo so i got mii new layout!! woooot its so freekin awesome. yeah jess is home now. yay!! woOoOoOoOoOot! i miss her tho. i havent seen her since... the 4th of july. damnit there i go agen triggerin memeries that i shood jus forget bout. yeah anyways. Dhs is gettin better everyday. ive made quite a bit of new frends so i mean shoot i might as well enjoy it. bc next yr. im riding to ELHS with Nick.wOoOoOoOt! there isnt any way i wanna stay at Dhs but until then im tryen to make the best of it. next monday tuesday nd wednesday im stayin after with mii *nEw* frend nicole nd we're tryen out for the step team. they dont have a dance team. so i have to go to the next best thing. it shood be fun. just hope the coach isnt prejudice considerin i think more black girls are tryen out rather than white but oh well. i hope i make it. i shall see. neways byebye

-ash

the email from richard to kayla urgh he blamed all that shit on me! he can die

SexiDaddy07: hey baby. ok, theres something i need to tell you. firstly i want to say that everything that people are saying lately about me and ashley are NOT true. I swear to God everything they have said lately isnt true. and baby, PLEASE read all of this email. i know youre going to just want to stop in the middle and come kill me but baby please read the whole thing. omg this is so hard. kayla i also want to tell you that i love you with all my heart and soul. i really do. ive never loved anyone as much as i love you and i never will. ok another thing i have to say before i tell you this is that i dont like ashley AT ALL. not one bit. never  have. i never liked her and i never will because you are the only girl for me. OK well i understand if you dont want to talk to me anymore after this kayla. i hope youll forgive me because i have no idea what i would do without you. Ok well here it goes. When i first found out that you werent going to come down here i got really upset. I reallllly wanted to see you. And i thought that because you werent comming and i wouldnt get to see you that you wouldnt want to go out with me anymore. People kept telling me that and so i thought it was true. Well anyways i thought you were going to break up with me. Now this was after ashley did that thing at the movies that one time. Anyways im just going to say it. Kayla, i kissed ashley after the time she kissed me at the movies. Baby i am so sorry. You have no idea how bad i wanted to tell you. But you were just going through soooo much and i didnt want to add more to you. But i thought you were going to break up with me and i was really depressed so i dont know. And then i saw her at nicks house one time and she kissed me again. It wasnt like a long kiss or anything. But then after that i called you one night and after we started talking, i asked you if you were going to break up with me since you werent going to get to see me and then you said no. And then you swore that you wouldnt so i knew you werent lying to me. So then after i realized that you werent going to break up with me, i told ashley that we had to stop going places together and stuff. Kayla, sweetheart i SWEAR on my LIFE i wouldnt have done ANY of this if i knew you werent going to break up with me. I thought i was going to lose you. That is the ONLY reason i let her do that stuff. Ok once again what those people have been saying lately IS NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT true i SWEAR. I would tell you. Baby i know you are going to be pissed at me. And i know ive hurt you. Thats the LAST thing that i wanted to do. So kayla i understand if you dont want to be my girlfriend anymore but baby i swear to God thats not what i want. I want to be with you forever. Im just saying that i understand if you dont want to be with me anymore. I REALLY REALLY DEEPLY SINCERELY hope that you will still love me after this kayla because i am never going to stop loving you. I SWEAR i wont EVER do ANYTHING to hurt you ever again. Because now i know that you really want to be with me. But kayla omg you have no idea how much i wanted to tell you. It was like killing me. I wanted to cry every time we were on the phone. But you had all this stuff with the doctors and your mom and i didnt want to make it worse. But i realized last night that the longer i waited to tell you the worse it was going to be. Kayla if you are going to break up with me, which i hope NEVER happens, i want you to know that the past eight months have been heaven to me. Kayla you have no idea how much youve done for me. Ask anyone i know, i am soooooo much better now than i was before we started talking. Kayla you are DEFINATELY the best thing that has ever happened to me. And i still love you with all my heart and i always will. Kayla I have never been more sorry in all my life. I know that being sorry isnt going to change anything. But i am. Kayla, you just have no idea how much you mean to me. And kayla, if you do decide to break up with me, i want you to know that my feelings for you will never die and I REALLY hope you wont stop talking to me all together. I mean I understand if you do but im just telling you that id die if i didnt get to at least be friends with you. But i know thats probably not what you want. But kayla everything ive EVER told you relating to how i feel about you and what i want for us in the future is 100% true. I NEVER lied about loving you or wanting to marry you and have a family together. I also understand if you arent going to break up with me but you dont want to talk to me for a while. I feel like the most horrible person in the entire world kayla. But i also didnt lie about the reason i did that. Kayla if i would have known you werent going to break up with me i wouldnt have even started talking to ashley. If you do break up with me i want you to know that you also made me such a better person. And if it wasnt for you, i might not be here right now so thank you kayla. But please dont leave me. I wasnt going to beg you to stay because i didnt want to make you feel guilty so i swear thats not what im trying to do. But please kayla. If you leave i swear i dont know what im going to do. I just i cant live without you kayla. THere is no way that i can go back to not being with you. I dont know how. I dont know how i did it before. Kayla you are such an enormous part of my life and i really want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please dont leave me kayla. Omg  just dont know what im going to do without you. These past eight, almost nine, months have been the best of my entire life. I have been about fifty times happier than i ever have before. And i know that if you give me another chance i can make you happy too. I just want whatever makes you happy kayla. Thats all i care about. So if being with me isnt going to make you happy then i understand kayla. I just really want that with all my heart. I want to be the one that wipes away your tears when you are crying, not the one that makes you cry. Kayla you are my everything. Since the day we started going out thats how its been. And that is how it is always going to be. Even if you decide that im not who you want to be with. I am never going to find someone else thats anywhere near to being as good as you kayla. OMG please dont leave me kayla. You mean too much to me. Well i guess ill go now. Before i go i want you to know that you are always going to have aplace in my heart kayla. No one will ever be able to take your place. I love you honey. I always will. 
                                                              Christian

im so fuckin tired of caring about ppl nd tryin to make them see wut is goin on rite in front of them but no they wont listen so w.e i give up yall im tired of carin bout ppl nd then it not be appreciated so ill go back to the girl who never gives a fuck k?

-ash

im in such a bad mood rite now its like blah .. last nite some1 IMed kayla richards gf nd was sayin me nd him were doin "things" nd i havent even seen him since the 4th of july weekend so its kind of impossible ya know?! yeah so i dont think he believes its not me that IMed her but i didnt bc for 1) i cud care less about if they stay together or not i dont like him like that anymore so it does not matter to me 2) i didnt have the id they IMed her on 3) she has EVERYONE who isnt on her buddy list blocked so how cud any1 IM her?! it has to be her friends or i think personally since she knows about wut he did do this summer she made it look like some1 IMed her nd sed that stuff nd so she wud have reason to break up with him .. plus its like one day his away message is like "please pray for mii baby to get better" then like the exact next day his away message sed "YAY MII BABY IS GONNA BE OK!!!" then like 2 days later it was back to "pray for mii baby she isnt ok please yall pray for her" i mean shit wut she has doesnt go away and come back nd go away agen that fast .. sorrie it just doesnt i think she is trying to get rid of him without like having to say "hey look i dont wanna be with u nemore" but w.e thats just me

NEWAYS

ok so yeah like over the past maybe two yrs i keep having this dream i get married but like i cannot see their face .. but i can tell u wut they look like they have like tanned skin they are tall brown hair brown eyes but cant see their face ... so like then mii mom was like "wen ur a senior ima fix u up with this guy .. ((ive seen wut he looks like)) nd its mii moms co workers 19 yr old son so like ill be 18 nd he will be like 22 nd like yeah .. funnie thing is .. is that like this 19 yr old like PERFECTLY fits the dude in mii dream but yeah i felt like telling the ppl who read this that so w.e but yeah i just ya know found it weird!! anyways bye

-ash

alright wut to write in here im not exactly sure really ya know?! where to start with how i feel rite now ..? well last nite i realized that i wood not be alive if i didnt have the ppl that need me in mii life .. i cood really care less if im alive or not serously but the only real reason i am is bc some ppl do need me .. so i stay here even if it hurts me .. i put mii frends before mii self nd make them happie before i even think about making mii self happie wut so ever .. they are important to me nd if they are happie .. there is a sense of happiness in me bc they are happie if that all makes sense .. i have jess nick maggie eddie richard nd ben .. i thought i had mii sister but i dont know her anymore really .. she has changed so much this yr nd everytime i tell her that its the same thing she thinks she hasnt .. but it dont matter anymore im tired of worrying about some1 who when i tell them how i feel they think its wrong or stupid or they dont understand so i give up on her .. im very hurt ya know but w.e im always hurt by something .. its bc i live the life i live ya know? thats just how it goes ... i just realized some things last nite while talking to richard .. i dont feel like typing it so just read wut i sed k?