well i have written on this thing in a long time but i felt like this was a good time to.

so someone i really cared about left me because of a lie and huge lie. it's left a void in me for the past couple of weeks, but the reality hit me that if he couldn't believe me, then he wouldn't ever be able to. i did nothing for him to think that i was doing this but he believed the other person over me. and i'm getting over it slowly but surely and soon enough i will think back and be like Erik who?

lately i've been thinking about myself... not in a selfish way, but what i've been doing. and to tell you the truth i feel disgusted with myself. i just want to start all over in a new place. i've made some bad habits for myself over the past year and i want to change them all. i'm happy with where i am, i'm just not happy with the things i've been doing. i just want to find someone that makes me happy and i want to quit all my habits.

there has been one quote that has been singing in my head that past couple of days and it goes like this: "forever always seems to be around when things begin, but forever never seems to be around when things end." i think it's pretty much how i feel. you think that everything is wonderful and that this feeling is going to last forever but as soon as it began it gone.

it is sooo incredibly nice out right now. it feels like summer today. i think im going to chill out on my trampoline today.

this weekend was a lot of fun. the best time i've had in a long time. there has been soo much shit going on, it was nice to have a carefree weekend. pretty much.

well it's 7 in the morning on a saturday. im waiting to be able to call work to see if i have to go or not. im really hoping that i won't have to go in, but that means that i will have to, just because i don't want to. so life is pretty sweet. nothing much happening. i find myself talking like a boy, well because i've been talking with guys more than girls... so i think that means i need a girl's night. i love girl's night! sorry boys, but we don't have pillow fights in our underwear. we usually watch sappy movie, eat whatever is avalible and sometimes even play board games!

it's too gosh darn early to even be able to be fully functioning. it sucks. if i work today there are not many things i can do, just because of the snow. so i will stuff my face with food all day and probably watch about a gazillion movies. oh yea, i should probably do my homework too. tehe.

pretty much around every corner that i turn there is a surprise. and not a good surprise. monday i got my heart broken. tuesday i was completely ignored. wednesday i got my heart crushed after finding out some interesting information. everything until this moment is extremely foggy. i just don't care as much as i did before. i let myself get hurt. it's like what im good at. i see some guy that i know is completely not right for me, but i still go for it because i want to prove people wrong that it can work.

past love came crawling back at my feet. and i forgive him just like i would. i was pver him one-hundred percent. but then after talking with him for a couple months, he proved to me that he has changed. he stole my heart all of over again. i fell for his sweet talking. i fell for the "i love yous" and the "im soo sorry, if i could i would take it all back". i can't take much more of this bullshit. i just want to get out of this town, i can't stand it.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

even though i don't have a real date, besides chloe. i'm having a great day! life is sweet!