Currently Listening The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe By Harry Gregson-Williams Imogen Heap's "I Can't Take It In" see related

i can't take it in.

it cannot be anymore beautiful.

how are you lovelies?

I feel all those imaginary days, all those joyous fantasies. They feel tangible; I can reach out and touch them now without fear of them vanishing back into my inner mind. I know my words feel like a mess, but words are so weak. They're just words, and no matter how tightly you weave them together, they are never strong enough to truly capture all those things you've tried so hard to say.

Certainly the word beautiful has been said so many times. But yet it is still so strong. But is it strong enough?

Oh, but this feeling that somehow comes from the deepest part of myself. And I sit here with a stomach ache and tired eyes, and a heart heavy from grief and loss, but I still feel hope ripping through my veins like salvation itself. I feel as though I could lie on the floor of this living room, and fall into a deep sleep, and somewhere there I would find bliss; a bliss that I would desire to never awake from, or at least not for a somewhat shortened eternity. A sort of connection to the Father, one that could not be broken by any sort of distraction. There I would lie, in total communion with heaven, and all these passing days that have fallen so dull at my feet would be raptured into something worthwhile. Oh, yes, this is the hope that stirs my heart. And even with my opened eyes and my beating heart, I can feel heaven embracing me with its arms. And though my body may not feel it entirely, it goes far past any sort of bodily nerves. This is eternity I feel. This is it.

God bless you,
stay classy.

Currently Reading A Wrinkle in Time By Madeleine L'Engle see related

to step outside of the universe.

Hello good friends, hello old enemies.

I haven't posted since I was fourteen, which seems like a billion years ago. And a new year has come and embraced us, and I suppose that it's time for an update.

Drama is over. And now drama is beginning again. Monday I go back to drama to continue my studying in doom and gloom about how to act, sing, and dance in a way that is attractive to an audience. BAH. I really don't think I was born to be in theater. I think that directors were born with a passion to create perfection, even if it means their players must be tortured with abrupt changes in plans and confusing dance steps. I'd love to direct, but I'm afraid I might become a tormenter in the process.

Christmas was fantastic. I got a bunch of books and clothes (though, I'll probably take most of the clothes back because they either don't fit, or I don't really like them), and gifts from my friends (Katie, Sarah, and my cousins in Dixie). I've started reading most of the books, and they're really good (A Wrinkle In Time, The Silver Chair, a cookbook, among others), and over the past month or so I've finally fell in love with reading. It's really good, you know? It's so precious. It makes everything seem so peaceful.

Thinking back over the past year, I realized I've made more mistakes in the last year than I have my entire life, and I really believe that 2008 will be much different. I've learned from the mistakes, and I know I can press on past them and into a future with infinite possibilities. It's kind of like in The Great Divorce, when you get to heaven. The feeling of the universe being an indoor affair: a room. I feel like 2008 will be freedom, like I can press beyond the universe, and into something more real than anything I've seen or dreamt of before. I think this will be a year of going outside, and pressing past the universe, into possibilites unknown to me before.

In which to say, I HOPE 2008 ROCKS EVERY OTHER YEAR. :P Not only for me, but for all of you also! Tyler Burkum is recording a new record as I type, the Political Democratic New Hampshire Debate is going on as I type, and the folks at Disney are editing the Prince Caspian movie as I type. Awesome and historical things are occuring right now, and I can't wait for the Olympics, writing, summer, Narnia, the election, my 16th birthday, winter, music, lessons, books, and everything that 2008 will hold, and looking into the future and simply guessing at what it has in store is wonderful, and I really pray that you all are blessed, and that heaven just slaps you up with courage, love, and peace in this new year.

stay classy. :)

Currently Watching Angels in the Outfield By Adrien Brody, Robert Clohessy, Tim Conlon, Tony Danza, Milton Davis Jr. see related

Last day of being 14. Tomorrow's my fifteenth birthday. I can't wait, but then I'm kind of scared as well, like every year. :)

This has been an awesome 14th year. I've made a lot of friends, and had a lot of experiences. I think production class this year made it all worthwhile. I'm so glad I still have tech week left with the production kids.

My mom bought me a cake with yellow frosting, and she surprised me with Disney Princess figurines to put on top. I'm going to try to get a picture of it. :)

I think we might go see Across the Universe again tomorrow, and go out to eat. I don't really know yet. :) I'm not sure if I want to see Across the Universe again because it was kind of weird. o_O My mom wants to see the Bee Movie, haha. I don't really know what I want to do.

I've had my iPod for 2 years. I really need to actually use it. :)

take care, friends.

stay classy.

happy october 14th.

[poetry, vagabonds, and gypsy blood to bless you, my friends.]

There is something in the autumn that is native to my blood --
Touch of manner, hint of mood;
And my heart is like a rhyme,
With the yellow and the purple and the crimson keeping time.

The scarlet of the maples can shake me like a cry
Of bugles going by.
And my lonely spirit thrills
To see the frosty asters like smoke upon the hills.

There is something in October sets the gypsy blood astir;
We must rise and follow her,
From every hilltop aflame
She calls and calls each vagabond by name.

[bliss carman, 1861-1929]

Currently Listening The Avalanche: Outtakes & Extras from the Illinois Album By Sufjan Stevens Track: The Henny Buggy Band see related

fall soltice '07. i can almost see bliss carman looking down smiling as the trees begin to burn with red.

i hear autumn [for mr. carman]

she has come to our doorstep. we welcome her in with open arms. she is our long lost sister.

September 23rd, 2007.
bliss carman is crying with joy in heaven.

while the summer cries for she must stop herself from blowing through our hair. she bids the fireflies and dragonflies to follow her, like the pied piper to the mice. and the june bugs burry themselves in their makeshift graves until they resurrect with the coming spring.

i will turn my face from the world,
and toward the sea.
i see the hills aflame,
for the wind knows my name.

the gypsy blood is in my veins,
thank you mr. carman, you taught me well.
i weep for you, and all the days you never saw the end of.
the vagrants, oh, we only whisper your name.
you are so precious to us.
your words are so precious to us.

do not bid us farewell, we know the hostelry in which you lie,
come down? come down? in the wind, she calls your name.
she calls my name. she calls our name.
we take up our bed, and walk.
toward the sand and sea, and the echoing breeze.
I hear Him speak to me, I see you smile.

good morning, universe.
do you remember your King's dear poet?
he rejoices today. but weep's for the feelings.
I hear his laugh in the crumbling leaves.

a leader found in the least of these.

"there is something in the autumn that is native to my blood,
touch of manner, hint of mood,
and my heart is rhyme,
with the yellow, and the purple, and the crimson keeping time."

9/23/07