wow.. was thinking about how much time I have until my new semester starts again.. trying to figure out things to do and "busy" myself up as I always do.  I find myself feeling misplaced when I'm not busy.  Then I do my devotions and this is a portion of what it said, "Solitude.. is a learned discipline.  Our environment offers any number of noisy options to keep us constantly entertained.  We have forgotten how to be quiet."  Seriously, I dunno what a calm, peaceful life is.  I do need to learn how to be alone and still.  Considering how I usually pack my schedule, having less than half of what I usually do should be bliss.  Instead, I feel stressed because I can't find anything I'm doing quite productive.  Though I'm working more and volunteering the rest of the days, I come home with nothing much to do and I get a bit idle and dazed.  I'm sleeping quite a bit and I'm going back to my drama/movie days.  ~ha ha.. kinda depressing.  It's ironic because I complain when I'm racing through days and fighting battles at every turn.  Then I finally get time off and I get depressed and wonder if there's more to do.    I don't think I've been still with God in a long time.  I've been up and about so long I find it uncomfortable when I'm free when it should really be bliss.  I think I gotta learn and train myself to be still and enjoy being in His presence again.  I need to lie down in green pastures and allow Him to lead me in quiet waters.  There should be no reason to search for a rapid river and throw myself in it when I just got out.  No more unecessary packed schedules? Lol~

some random analysis of life

Seems to me like i've been mia for quite awhile here.. and everywhere else.  there's always periods in my life where I stop to ponder and analyze my life.  Times when my battles momentarily halt and debri flutter in my inanimate life.  I tend to be so consumed in my commitments that neglect flows into every other aspect of my life.  Is it a bad thing to strive for goals? I say not, but then again.. to what degree and point?  I think back and there were so many "young'uns" I should have watched over more and been there for, so many aged that I should have honored more, so many relationships that I should have maintained more.  There's things I should have done that were left unfinished, things I shouldn't have touch that broke, and things that are sure to come that'll eventually diminish and fade away as well.  In this past episode of my life... have I done anything that I regretted--of course, that's a norm... is there anything i wish I could redo--always... what about things I wish to relive-- ha ha~ perhaps.  This life of mine has always been quite fluctuant.  Ironically, as I live in a cycle of battels... although different each time.. there's definately things I'll regret, things I'll wish to redo, and at times things I want to relive.  If so, how do I get out of this never ending cycle.. and.. will I ever?  The answer to this question will be revealed in 14 months.  I do see light at the end of the tunnel.. and though I've been claiming it as my rainbow after storms, I wonder what this rainbow would really entail.  To have reached so far down this road and so close to the finish line... I'm a bit apprehensive.  Then what?  I think that's my biggest obstacle right now.. "then what."  There isn't really anything else for me to conquer down this road that's solidly mapped.  I even conquered them sooner than would have otherwise anticipated... M.Ed. at 24.. pretty cool.. except I downright knocked out everything I had firm intention of conquering.  I still want my car and house.. but really.. what's really next? get hitched and deliver a bundle of joy? but.. erhm.. I don't see that happening really.. not as of this point at least. What's next in line?  I always liked fairytales because they ended with "happily ever after."  Funny how they never explain the happily ever after... they probably didn't know how either.  What IS "happily ever after" anyway?  How does it come about and what's in its process?  What can I do while I'm still young? lol~ hm.. I've always wanted to travel the world.. but dur.. I'll be more than half a mil in debt by the time I get out. Plus, imma be making chicken scratch as a teacher.. so that isn't likely going to happen.  I can prollie travel Los Angeles if gas doesn't decide to continure sky rocketing.. lol.. Becca's next episode of life: travel the nooks and crannies of L.A.... heh heh.. ::sigh:: I'd be depressed in no time if that was my next goal.. lol..

hms.. practically didn't sleep.. crawled out of bed b4 6am cuz PHUC decided to call me and say he's picking me up for snowboarding "NOW"... which of course he didn't.. bunghole.. went to mt. high with only 4 ppl that didn't bail out last min.. me, phuc, hieu, and big van.  we had our fun though... they didn't even take me to bunny slopes.. sigh.. lol.. first run down was sorta hard at first.. i couldn't stand up after i fell.. it's like.. dur... struggling.. but then i sorta got the hang of it a litto more.. went down 2 more times and they  made me hit the harder one.. i don't think i did that bad as a first timer... i didn't fall as much as i expected and definately not as sore and hurt as i expected.. maybe i really am a boy.. keke.. but i did eat it a couple times.. hieu kept coming at me with snowballs when i could hardly stand.. what a bum.. but i got him good too.. fresh (not really) snow down his throat cuz he was laffing with his mouth open when i threw snow back at him.. heh heh.. sucka... snow fites were part of the fun and breaks.. after a litto while i think i was doing pretty ok.. was able to more or less control where i was going.. yays for me.. definately wana go again.. this time imma have my FLOWERY STOMP PADS ON! lol.. so i don't have to slip and slide.  Here's some pix.. some of them are sOo good.. lol..

This was the final group that went.. I was the only first timer.. they took me as a boy and didn't watch me as much as if i was some girly girly chicka.. oh wells.. i learned.. lol..

me on my bottom.. that mite be a face of pain.. lol.. mite.. i sorta look like i'm smiling.. weird..

playing bowling with someone.. lol.. i completely knocked her over.. i felt so bad.. lol.. she was so nice though..

this is the best shot ever.. phuc trying to look all cool for his picture.. and evul heiu comes around with his massive snowball.. ah ha ha... PERFECTION i tell ya..

this was a good shot too.. lol.. the snowball even knocked his headto the side.. heh heh heh..

putting on my bindings.. take note of what phuc is doing in the background...

very evul of him right? i think so.. he got snow into my dry clothes.. it's like.. whoa?

funny thing was the amount of time we took just throwing snowballs at each other and taking pictures.. too bad didn't really take that many pix..  at least there were some really good ones.. sOOoo.. when we going again? lol.. not too sore rite now.. i think i feel better when i keep moving.. hopefully when i wake up i won't be all stiff.. lol.. still have work.. then the litto christmas eve gathering..