xxLittObecKaxx's Xanga

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Sat, 27 May 2006 08:45:02 GMT

yet another ticket.. ::sigh::

Monday, May 15, 2006

Mon, 15 May 2006 05:52:17 GMT

wow.. was thinking about how much time I have until my new semester starts again.. trying to figure out things to do and "busy" myself up as I always do. I find myself feeling misplaced when I'm not busy. Then I do my devotions and this is a portion of what it said, "Solitude.. is a learned discipline. Our environment offers any number of noisy options to keep us constantly entertained. We have forgotten how to be quiet." Seriously, I dunno what a calm, peaceful life is. I do need to learn how to be alone and still. Considering how I usually pack my schedule, having less than half of what I usually do should be bliss. Instead, I feel stressed because I can't find anything I'm doing quite productive. Though I'm working more and volunteering the rest of the days, I come home with nothing much to do and I get a bit idle and dazed. I'm sleeping quite a bit and I'm going back to my drama/movie days. ~ha ha.. kinda depressing. It's ironic because I complain when I'm racing through days and fighting battles at every turn. Then I finally get time off and I get depressed and wonder if there's more to do. I don't think I've been still with God in a long time. I've been up and about so long I find it uncomfortable when I'm free when it should really be bliss. I think I gotta learn and train myself to be still and enjoy being in His presence again. I need to lie down in green pastures and allow Him to lead me in quiet waters. There should be no reason to search for a rapid river and throw myself in it when I just got out. No more unecessary packed schedules? Lol~

some random analysis of life

Wed, 10 May 2006 23:22:10 GMT

Seems to me like i've been mia for quite awhile here.. and everywhere else. there's always periods in my life where I stop to ponder and analyze my life. Times when my battles momentarily halt and debri flutter in my inanimate life. I tend to be so consumed in my commitments that neglect flows into every other aspect of my life. Is it a bad thing to strive for goals? I say not, but then again.. to what degree and point? I think back and there were so many "young'uns" I should have watched over more and been there for, so many aged that I should have honored more, so many relationships that I should have maintained more. There's things I should have done that were left unfinished, things I shouldn't have touch that broke, and things that are sure to come that'll eventually diminish and fade away as well. In this past episode of my life... have I done anything that I regretted--of course, that's a norm... is there anything i wish I could redo--always... what about things I wish to relive-- ha ha~ perhaps. This life of mine has always been quite fluctuant. Ironically, as I live in a cycle of battels... although different each time.. there's definately things I'll regret, things I'll wish to redo, and at times things I want to relive. If so, how do I get out of this never ending cycle.. and.. will I ever? The answer to this question will be revealed in 14 months. I do see light at the end of the tunnel.. and though I've been claiming it as my rainbow after storms, I wonder what this rainbow would really entail. To have reached so far down this road and so close to the finish line... I'm a bit apprehensive. Then what? I think that's my biggest obstacle right now.. "then what." There isn't really anything else for me to conquer down this road that's solidly mapped. I even conquered them sooner than would have otherwise anticipated... M.Ed. at 24.. pretty cool.. except I downright knocked out everything I had firm intention of conquering. I still want my car and house.. but really.. what's really next? get hitched and deliver a bundle of joy? but.. erhm.. I don't see that happening really.. not as of this point at least. What's next in line? I always liked fairytales because they ended with "happily ever after." Funny how they never explain the happily ever after... they probably didn't know how either. What IS "happily ever after" anyway? How does it come about and what's in its process? What can I do while I'm still young? lol~ hm.. I've always wanted to travel the world.. but dur.. I'll be more than half a mil in debt by the time I get out. Plus, imma be making chicken scratch as a teacher.. so that isn't likely going to happen. I can prollie travel Los Angeles if gas doesn't decide to continure sky rocketing.. lol.. Becca's next episode of life: travel the nooks and crannies of L.A.... heh heh.. ::sigh:: I'd be depressed in no time if that was my next goal.. lol..

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 07:51:02 GMT

hms.. practically didn't sleep.. crawled out of bed b4 6am cuz PHUC decided to call me and say he's picking me up for snowboarding "NOW"... which of course he didn't.. bunghole.. went to mt. high with only 4 ppl that didn't bail out last min.. me, phuc, hieu, and big van. we had our fun though... they didn't even take me to bunny slopes.. sigh.. lol.. first run down was sorta hard at first.. i couldn't stand up after i fell.. it's like.. dur... struggling.. but then i sorta got the hang of it a litto more.. went down 2 more times and they made me hit the harder one.. i don't think i did that bad as a first timer... i didn't fall as much as i expected and definately not as sore and hurt as i expected.. maybe i really am a boy.. keke.. but i did eat it a couple times.. hieu kept coming at me with snowballs when i could hardly stand.. what a bum.. but i got him good too.. fresh (not really) snow down his throat cuz he was laffing with his mouth open when i threw snow back at him.. heh heh.. sucka... snow fites were part of the fun and breaks.. after a litto while i think i was doing pretty ok.. was able to more or less control where i was going.. yays for me.. definately wana go again.. this time imma have my FLOWERY STOMP PADS ON! lol.. so i don't have to slip and slide. Here's some pix.. some of them are sOo good.. lol..

This was the final group that went.. I was the only first timer.. they took me as a boy and didn't watch me as much as if i was some girly girly chicka.. oh wells.. i learned.. lol..

me on my bottom.. that mite be a face of pain.. lol.. mite.. i sorta look like i'm smiling.. weird..

playing bowling with someone.. lol.. i completely knocked her over.. i felt so bad.. lol.. she was so nice though..

this is the best shot ever.. phuc trying to look all cool for his picture.. and evul heiu comes around with his massive snowball.. ah ha ha... PERFECTION i tell ya..

this was a good shot too.. lol.. the snowball even knocked his headto the side.. heh heh heh..

putting on my bindings.. take note of what phuc is doing in the background...

very evul of him right? i think so.. he got snow into my dry clothes.. it's like.. whoa?

funny thing was the amount of time we took just throwing snowballs at each other and taking pictures.. too bad didn't really take that many pix.. at least there were some really good ones.. sOOoo.. when we going again? lol.. not too sore rite now.. i think i feel better when i keep moving.. hopefully when i wake up i won't be all stiff.. lol.. still have work.. then the litto christmas eve gathering..

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 21:34:08 GMT

wEe! I get to have winter break along with the kids.. t-hee.. Dec.23rd - Jan 3rd.. a good week and a half.. i need a break.. been getting so sick.. i just barely got better and they passed more germs to me.. ::sigh:: took some generic NyQuil yesterday and I totally passed out.. funny.. I fell asleep doing something.. I don't even rmbr what I was doing.. btu she hadda wake me and guide me to my bed.. I think I was just too tired lately from work, the kids, sleeping late, preparing things, etc etc.. plus the alcohol content in the medicine.. feels so good though.. woke up feeling a lot better.. but then still tired.. took a short nap somewhere in btwn all my errands, chores, and what not.. already half a day gone by and yet there's still so much more to do.. blahs.. maybe I shouldn't have taken that nap. Needa be at work in about 40 more minutes.. we're having a Christmas party today.. it's also the last day of school before Winter Break for them... that only means one thing.. they are already hyped up from a day's worth of sweets and junk from school.. and they gonna be extra wild today.. ::breath:: DEEEEEEp breath.. Lord, I pray for patience cuz I KNOW I'll need it today.. especially with me sick and tired and a wee bit cranky.. May I be able to view today as a grEAt day. yays.. lol~ got them some litto things for Christmas.. hope they like it.. wow.. I'm typing so randomly.. all that pops into my head.. I think it's filled with too much stuff.. needa head over to a Christmas banquet for work (pharmacy) tonight too.. 8pm.. some place in Temple City.. hopefully I can pick up mommy from work and run all my errands in time for the banquet.. wondering if I should dress up a litto prettier considering what it is.. but then again it's gonna be a long day ahead and I don't wana be all dressy when I'm that tired.. hms.. businessy attire will do.. don't wana deal with dresses or skirts.. ::yawn:: i'm so sore.. wana crawl back in bed.. I prollie won't be able to do so until pretty late in the nite again.. hms.. almost time for work already.. needa get ready and head out.. wonder if I have to work tmw.. preferably not so I can rest up for friday.. SNOWBOARDING.. lol.. sorta preparing myself to eat snow.. and lots of it.. and hopefully have lots of fun in btwn.. yays..

Friday, December 16, 2005

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 08:27:41 GMT

yAys! Fffffeelz gOOd to be done.. one mONth isn't thAAt late rite? ~keke.. hopefully everything goes smoothly.. interview on the 4th.. 1pm.. needa do good.. also needa determine what I wana do with my work scdeule.. blahs.. so much stuff to figure out... but I'm determined now to make a change.. need to..

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 16:13:27 GMT

Why do ppl fight and do all these stupid things? Does doing bad things make the situation better? Then why do them? How much more can I try to mend? Is it stupid to have hope? It's true, the more hope a person has in something.. the more pain it causes when it goes the other way. kinda sad being this depressed this early in the morning.. hopefully my day gets better.. maybe my kids will cheer me up..

Monday, November 21, 2005

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 02:25:49 GMT

THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

Today, when I awoke, I suddenly realized that this is the best day of my life, ever! There were times when I wondered if I would make it to today; but I did! And because I did I'm going to celebrate!

Today, I'm going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make me stronger. I will go through this day with my head held high, and a happy heart.

I will marvel at God's seemingly simple gifts: the morning dew, the sun, the clouds, the trees, the flowers, the birds. Today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice.

Today, I will share my excitement for life with other people. I'll make someone smile. I'll go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for someone I don't even know.

Today, I'll give a sincere compliment to someone who seems down. I'll tell a child how special he is, and I'll tell someone I love just how deeply I care for her and how much she means to me.

Today is the day I quit worrying about what I don't have and start being grateful for all the wonderful things God has already given me. I'll remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in God and his Divine Plan ensures everything will be just fine.

And tonight, before I go to bed, I'll go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens. I will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon, and I will praise God for these magnificent treasures.

As the day ends and I lay my head down on my pillow, I will thank the Almighty for the best day of my life. And I will sleep the sleep of a contented child, excited with expectation because I know tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life, ever!

Went to Church today and a lady was sharing her thanksgiving testimonial. She had colon cancer and was going though chemo. She shared her story and how she stayed strong and optimistic, knowing she was in good hands, that God is there and to keep her faith. She also shared how just being such a great living testimonial of God, many ppl around her, Christians and nonChristians alike, were uplifted. I missed days where I was this optimistic. I think I sorta just fell through and almost forgot how to bring back my optimism. It was there.. I had hope.. but I failed to be a bright light. This reminds me of all the little things that I thank God for everyday and helps me to bundle it all up.

Smiles from now on.. as much as i can.. thanks to God..

Monday, November 14, 2005

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 16:23:14 GMT

Will I be able to pull through and finish?

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 10:13:17 GMT

i see the road i should take.. i see the road i shouldn't.. and i'm sorta fighting myself in this whole ordeal.. y? i dunno.. maybe i really should jst take all the pain fast and hard and get things over with so i can start to see the rainbow after the rain.. if i do all the right things.. a year from today.. i should be doing good.. and two years from today.. i should be great.. but the rain isn't gone yet.. and sometimes i want to jst sit there and sulk.. doing nuttin.. and other times i wana run around and splash and play.. i look back in my life and i see cycles.. endless cycles where i'm full of joy.. then depressed.. then all this other stuff flowing in btwn.. i think i'm at the point where i want to splash and play... yet i know i should stay away from that cuz i always seem to get myself into things when i play too much. i find that whenever i get depressed.. bored.. confused and what not.. i care a litto less and do things which are a bit more reckless than my sane mind would. I'm feeling a litto reckless now.. and I'm afraid imma go through life with more regrets if i don't get over this stage soon. Have a litto too many in my hands already. Blah.. maybe I should just slowly fade away and...