so its been about 2 months.

i'm sorry. ):

but here is an update for all the people who care.

iloveyou!

I sit & laugh with friends at what we've all been through
But I still catch my breath when someone mentions you.
We move on, put those dreams away
Hoping that we'll find them come some rainy day.
How could I know that everything would change?
Except the way I miss you.

Some people don't understand that your friends aren't just your friends
They're your family
That you pick yourself.
They will love you, hurt you, scare you, help you
To make the person you were meant to be.
But the people that you share your secrets with and actually trust them to keep them
Is a completely different story.
They're more than family, they're your other half.

Because I need something more
I know you all have your messy love lives
And your secrets and your silliness,
But I want more.
I need something to hold onto.

This is for the girls who have been used
Who have enured what he was giving becase at least he was giving something
This is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing we have ever wanted.
This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more.

take me out tonight, where there's music,
and there's people, and they're young and alive.
driving in your car, i never want to go home
because i haven't got one anymore.

I think secretly

She’s has the world wrapped ‘round her finger

And she’s yo-yoing it up and down on a string.

she’s got the whole wide world fooled,

her smiles’ such a beautiful thing.

She seems like she knows all  earth’s secrets.

And you want to know too.

You blindly chase her tinkling laughter

But capturing her whole hearts impossible to do.

She makes you so high

You’re dancing on clouds

So when you finally fall

You feel like you’ll drown.

But maybe you’ll be better off.

When you escape her intoxicating spell

She’s just a beautiful letdown

A blessing from hell.

there's someone in her past that she hasn't
gotten over yet. each day is like the last &
she misses what she can't forget. it's just
and empty space where something used to
be. now she guards the gate, but she's lost
the key. so no one enters, but no one leaves.

something no one from the age of broken hearts and tears

is the love you have for another.

me & my boyfriend

 <<thats me & tarah.

damn.

its been such a long time since i've updated.

i've got a job now so i'm SUPER busy and that "great guy" i had met, well he cheated on me 4 fucking times.

so whatever. when i get home tonight i'll put a BUNCH of pictures & quotes up.

woo! :)

i've met a great guy.

:]

i'm actually happy for a change!

When we first met, I didn't want to get involved with anyone. I didn't have the time or energy & I wasn't sure that I was ready for it. But you were so good to me & I got swept up in that & little by little I found myself falling in love with you.

Darling, I would hate to ruin this because
we both know that it's almost flawless.
But those beautiful nights don't last forever
& a beautiful world will never exist.

I'm afraid of being alone forever,
dreams not being fulfilled,
having something tragic happen,
losing someone close to me,
or just losing the sense of being alive altogether.

Self-injury is a sign of distress, not madness.
We should be congratulated on
having found a way of surviving.

And then he hits you with that one last promise & you want it to be the truth so bad. You're looking in his eyes & you're crying, saying, "He's not lying." But you know he is.

It's been exactly a year. I mean it when I say you brought the happiest days of my life. So much has happened since then & we've both moved on, but still; I'll remember to love because you taught me how.

I realize that overall, you weren't really worth it. There were moments with you that made me really happy, but majority of the time you just shut me out. That's why this summer I'll try to get over you. We might've had something really great, but I guess we'll never know. I'll never forget the good times with you, but I'll also never forget how you hurt me more than any other boy.

The more you show your feelings,
the more people can find ways to hurt you.

It's funny how nowadays, us kids only think about looking cool, being popular & getting money. We're all smoking, drinking, popping, jacking, smashing, cussing, skipping, fucking. What's that going to benefit us with? All it's going to do is affect your future, & we all know that, but we still don't care. We're all trying look cool, dying our hair, wearing makeup, dressing like a slut, going out late, losing parent's respect. And after, we all say, "Fuck family" or whatever, but without family, you have nothing. Who brought you up? Who put a roof over your head? Who gave you food to live on? And how do we repay them? We go out, we ask for money, we don't bring home awards but the police. I have to admit, it's fun, but realistically it's a waste of time. We all have to wake up. The most important thing right now is not money or the opposite sex; it's school. You all can hate on this & it's debateable, but it's true.

The way I feel for you, I can't describe.
It's almost too intense to verbalize;
essentially you're all I'm living for.

You got a dream, you gotta protect it.
People can't do something themselves,
they wanna tell you that you can't do it.
You want something? Go get it.

Life without love is like
a tree without any leaves.

Someone asked me where I thought
heaven was, so I pointed to you
& said, "In his arms." <3

After awhile you start to get sick of a lot of things. You start to close yourself off from the world; you start to shun everyone out of your life. You just want to be left alone & you start to believe that the world really does hate you & no one really cares about you, & the only person you can really depend on is yourself. But really, you need to face the fact that this is reality. You can't automatically change what you want life to be. Life's just life. It just happens. Whatever happens, tends to happen for a reason. You can't exactly make life into something really happy, like it's some kind of switch, you know? There's no switch, no On or Off button. You just gotta be a good girl & suck it up. If friends backstab you, it's okay, you'll meet new & better people, share new things, & probably gain some & lose some, as they say. In life, of course you're going to get your heart broken more then once, but it's okay because in each relationship you've had you've learned different things from your partner. They either taught you, helped you, or made you into a better person. Each relationship you're in, you can fix the mistakes you had in the past relationships; you get a second chance. You'll meet many people who will inspire you, inspire you to be a better person, but in the end, it all adds up. Are you willing to put all the tears, all the pain, all the hurt aside, & live life? Make life as something really special, make it like it was your last day, never worry about tomorrow; worry about today. Never let words get to you; words are cheap. Actions speak a lot louder, you hear me?

So she tosses her hair & fakes
yet another movie star smile,
because where she comes from,
every day is a photo shoot.

She took a deep breath, willing her voice not to break, "I know you're holding something back, & if you can't, or don't, want to talk about it, there's not much I can do. But whatever it is, it's driving you away."

You can hide a lot about yourself.
You can hide embarrassment,
you can hide anger,
& you can even hide shame,
but you can't hide a smile (=

empty.

Hold a mirror to show just what
you've become & read your diary
to figure out where things went wrong.

 deserve the right kind of love. The kind of love that makes me happy. The fantastic love that's in books & movies. Even if we aren't together forever, I want to look back & never regret having fallen in love with you. That's the kind of love I think we all deserve.

I've got a mind boggling, sense numbing,
heart pounding, stomach flipping,
take-my-breath-away, head-over-heels,
knee shaking, daydreaming,
butterfly fluttering crush on you.

I'm shaking at the thought that
you're everything I want.

It's been months since we've actually had a real conversation. It's been months since you last called. It's been months since I've seen your face. What we had seems like it's been forgotten & replaced. It seem like it was a one time deal, like I only had one chance with you, & that one chance has been screwed up. I didn't mean to. I let you go, I'll admit that, but I thought you'd care enough to come back. You always made me smile, but a smile isn't forever. But now it's too late, & I've moved on.

Your eyes paralyze my gaze
as you look at me, so plain.
You thought I'd stay forever,
but I know this can't be the same.