so its been about 2 months. i'm sorry. ): but here is an update for all the people who care. iloveyou!  I sit & laugh with friends at what we've all been through
But I still catch my breath when someone mentions you.
We move on, put those dreams away
Hoping that we'll find them come some rainy day.
How could I know that everything would change?
Except the way I miss you.  Some people don't understand that your friends aren't just your friends
They're your family
That you pick yourself.
They will love you, hurt you, scare you, help you
To make the person you were meant to be.
But the people that you share your secrets with and actually trust them to keep them
Is a completely different story.
They're more than family, they're your other half.  Because I need something more
I know you all have your messy love lives
And your secrets and your silliness,
But I want more.
I need something to hold onto. 
This is for the girls who have been used
Who have enured what he was giving becase at least he was giving something
This is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing we have ever wanted.
This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more. 
take me out tonight, where there's music,
and there's people, and they're young and alive.
driving in your car, i never want to go home
because i haven't got one anymore. 
I think secretly She’s has the world wrapped ‘round her finger And she’s yo-yoing it up and down on a string. she’s got the whole wide world fooled, her smiles’ such a beautiful thing. She seems like she knows all earth’s secrets. And you want to know too. You blindly chase her tinkling laughter But capturing her whole hearts impossible to do. She makes you so high You’re dancing on clouds So when you finally fall You feel like you’ll drown. But maybe you’ll be better off. When you escape her intoxicating spell She’s just a beautiful letdown A blessing from hell. 
there's someone in her past that she hasn't
gotten over yet. each day is like the last &
she misses what she can't forget. it's just
and empty space where something used to
be. now she guards the gate, but she's lost
the key. so no one enters, but no one leaves. 
let's talk about love. it's a complicated subject. something no one from the age of broken hearts and tears to old brittle couples you see walking down the street grasp the true meaning of it. all these songs comparing love to something that's not even in the same range. Nobody can understand someone's love for another because half the time they can't even understand it themselves. the only love you truly know is the love you have for another.
 my new favourite place in all the world
is buried in your white sheets, tangled up in you
and my new favourite word is my own name
rolling off your lips at a whisper
and when i'm with you it all just melts away
it's all okay Remember when we'd stay up late
and we'd talk all night in a dark room lit by the TV light.
Through all the hard times in my life,
those nights kept me alive. I refuse to answer the phone.
I'm afraid that when I start talking,
My words will get the better of me.
We'll get back together,
And you'll make the worst of me.
And as I'm thinking no I can hear my mouth saying yes.
Yes, I'll be anything for you because I'm nothing without you. People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and pain.
Well I've tried that I've tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in smiles
And what I've learned is that when it hurts this much inside your heart always has a way of showing it
No matter how many masks you wear.  me & my boyfriend I went home at night and cried for hours because so many people in my life expecting me to be a certain way was too much pressure, as if I'd been held against a wall and interrogated for hours, asked questions I couldn't quite answer any longer.  <<thats me & tarah.Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go  They didn't know that she was planning something.
Most people thought she was perfectly fine.
She was good at pretending...but some people knew she wasn't okay but they didnt realize how bad it was.
She would party every weekend.
She was border line alcoholic rarely going 48 hours without being 100% sober.
She tried finding comfort in anything even if that ment fucking some guy she just met one night while she had been drinking.
Everyday was going by as a blur.
They didn't know that she cried herself to sleep every night.
They didnt know that she had practiced cutting herself so many times.
They didnt know that she had written and rewritten letters to all the people she cared about most telling them she loved them and apologizing.
She even wrote one to the person who was most important to her, who wouldn't understand what had happened because she was to young.
She wanted her to know it wasn't her fault and she loved her dearly.
They just didnt know.
They found her surrounded in her own blood.
They finally knew, they finally realized that she really wasn't okay.
And the rumors, and the fake friends, and the guys who liked her for all the wrong reasons,
And the family, and the lies, and the unperfect body that she saw that everyone else thought was close to perfect, had gotten to her.
She finally had the courage to press down hard enough...
And they finally knew that she planned this.  you know that feeling when everything
seems so perfect one moment & so fucked
up another? you know that feeling when you
think everything's going to be alright because
just maybe fate will be on your side, but instead
it just screws up the very next? i gave up my
entire life, just hoping you'd realize how much
i love you, but i guess perfect moments don't
last very long & nothing's going to be alright
because fate will never be on my fucking side. people are always talking about how
hard it is to find a good man , but nowadays
it's hard to even find a good person. it's so
hard to just even find a person to talk to, someone
who will just listen and not judge, someone
who will just take you as you are. 
the last 7 pictures were of me, me & my boyfriend, or me & tarah. | 
